ten years I was invested in their family, I thought they were family. You know how you reach a point where you really believe that people who are not necessarily from your immediate family, are now your family. A lot of times we get that way with our in-laws... but you know sometimes that doesn’t last forever. it comes and it goes. I was crying. I was shaken. I was in complete resist to the idea of it. of the idea of not staying best friends with everyone that you make best friends with... it has always been a hard thing for me to grasp... I just find it hard to understand that you can invest all this time in what you think is family but if it isn't family then it can all be a waste... blood is blood and that's what seems to count to most people. – even over and above best-freindness. This can wreck you if you are used to just being in the flow of that and never second guessing it. We struggled over this. tried to talk sense to me about it. I am not sure I really integrated it completely. We were hungry. We went to dinner. I appreciated it, let as much of it go as I could, but still found myself reeling in an underlying sadness from it.
sometimes when I get caught up in it I think to myself why bother bonding with anyone at all if at some point in the future we’re just going to lose that connection with them... is present moment worth future disappointment? The pain, the regret, the feeling of loss and betrayal, and worse of all, the great one, the dark one, the king of the blues himself, abandonment...
can we ever lose the attachment to outcome?
Current spin: Youssou n’dour: Egypt. Beautiful. less African sounding and more Arabic.
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