I'm eating these jelly bellys right now. omg, these are so good. did you know they add caffeine to these to force you to just keep eating and eating them? its true. once you start, you can’t stop. They do this shit to kids, with no warning. Load candy and soda up with caffeine so they get super into it and can’t stop. It’s right there on the box. Its one thing to do that to us once we’re old and too stupid to know any better, but doing that to kids. Heinous. There is that chemical they add to most over the counter cereals (the ones you buy in “mainstream” grocery stores, not in health food stores) that creates a feeling of not being full in the person who is eating it; the chemical’s sole purpose is to offset the appestat in the human body that tells the body when it feels full so the person eating the cereal keeps eating more even though they are full, but they never feel full. Ever notice that with store bought cereals? This is true. You can look it up. its totally allowed.

What a strange society America has created itself as. kind of this anything goes as long as it makes you money kind of thing. even when we know the dangers, its as if we have this agreement that we’re just going to overlook this stuff because we know our whole society is dependent on being this way. everyone has been talking about the weather this year. how spring hasn’t really arrived yet. its either really hot one day or really cold the next day. things have been kind of effed up ever since that storm ‘el nino.’ Environmentalists will tell us how bad the eco-system is right now because of all the damage we have done to the environment in the last fifty years or so but our politicians, especially the republican side, will just keep on claiming that we have nothing to worry about and that the environmentalists and eco-scientists are just being pansies. Like everyone, I don't know who to believe, but I'll tell ya, it’s a few weeks away from summer here, and we haven't even had a spring yet. its still in the fifties and we’re all wearing our winter coats most of the week. so go figure.

But yes, fuck the environment as long as we have jelly bellys. They are godlike.

Today I spoke with Vicki D, my first major girlfriend from high school, freshman year. we used to spend hours on various beds and couches around town making out and giving each other hickis. Truly memorable times. it was very nice to reconnect to someone who was once so important to you way back when. Almost bitter-sweet. felt like yesterday. which of course it was since I'm only twenty-five now... lol, but it had this ‘bitter-sweet standing in the rain middle section of a John Hughes movie’ feeling about it... kind of a ‘what if’ feeling. Which I guess is to be expected. Good stuff.

Yesterday I had my first meeting with my new stylist coach. We’ll call him JB. A true image consultant to the stars. Worked with Beyonce and will smith and usher, etc etc. and his whole thing is getting you to really discover or create who you really are at your essence and then go all out with that, put it out there for all the world to see. So you don't dilute your image. So you don't disappear amongst all the flash and hype that is your competition. It was challenging. But I must say I liked it. who is Fishy? hhhmmm.

We did this exercise where he asked me who my rockstars were. And then I had to tell him why I liked those people. while I free-associated he jotted things down in this notebook. I mentioned Tony Robbins, oprah winfrey, David Byrne, bob Dylan, bono, Caetano, Rufus, John Lennon, Eddie izzard... and then he hands me this piece of paper and tells me its my mantra for the week. ‘look at this list often and meditate on how you are being and how you fit into these words, how they fit in with who you are. This is who you are, who you want to be...’ and it’s this list of the words I used to describe the people that I look up to as my heroes: Superhuman, artist’s artist, big hearted, change the world, achiever, breaking boundaries, revolutionary, stylish, sexy, mysterious, funny, irreverent, great voice... like that. these were just words I used to describe the people that I dig. Cool huh? Tells me, ‘this is what we’re going to be going after for you. This is you. This is who you want to be.’ Good stuff. look forward to more.

Why does everyone pronounce Bret favre “farv?” I mean why? why not just pronounce it correctly? And what about everyone pronouncing Worchester “worster?” I mean, lets face it, this shit has been going on for a long time. all of us who are reading this are too young to remember the actual starting point for these things. we just woke up one day and were confronted with the realization that everyone seemed to pronounce favre “farv” and Worchester “worster” and Houston “huseton.” We knew it didn't make any sense. Why were they doing that? We didn't know, but we didn't want to come off stupid either so we just played right along and started pronouncing everything wrong right along with everyone else. But I think there’s some danger in that.

I think from this point forward if you hear people pronouncing something incorrectly, no matter how many people do it in the world, number one, we should correct them, and number two make it a real point to pronounce it correctly. Just go for it. if someone tells you they're from huseton, tell them they're mistaken, that they're from Houston. If someone hands you something and says ‘wa-la’ to you, tell them the word begins with a ‘v.’ It’s ‘voila.’

Man these jelly bellys are fucking driving me crazy. I can’t stop eating them. I'm going to blow up.