Today I met a man named Harvey Finkelstein. I'm not making this up. He's a young guy. a cool guy. a guy you would want to hang with. But after he gave me his card, right there in black and white Finkelstein... this was no joke. This was his name. and he is keeping it... if there is any name in the entire history of humankind that belongs off limits to call yourself, but only to be used as the butt of all jokes, it would be Finkelstein... that's just not a name that should be used for anything but stand up comedy... I couldn’t help but just stare at it and wonder... why doesn’t he just change that name? I mean, o.k. its bad enough that he has it... that's his parent’s fault, for not changing it before they had him, and then later his own fault... but then if he gets married and has a child he's going to give that same name to his children.. .and they're going to be forced to walk around with it and go through all that torture as children as well... and for what? some kind of weird pride? Its bad enough to hang on to a crazy name like that yourself – perhaps if you are some kind of a masochist, you would keep the name Finkelstein and be ornery enough to force it upon your wife – but to do that to your children... that's really inexcusable.

Now what this reminds me of is when I first met the infamous drummer extra-ordinario Infinito. He had just recently relocated from Bolivia, fresh out of college. still very young. Never a serious word out of his mouth. In fact, he's still that way today. but a little older and wiser. Everytime we took a break at our rehearsals for the rise and shine album he would go up to my microphone and stand there coming up with very American sounding names and say them into the mic and then laugh his ass off. He would say ‘hold on hold on.... ladies and gentleman, Mr. John Smithson...’ and then he would break out into huge laugher like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard... ‘hold on hold on... listen... ladies and gentlemen... Mr. Fred Baxter!’ and then he would laugh. I never got the joke. At least not at first... but then I started thinking of how my friends and I here in America make fun of Spanish names like that sometimes when we were kids... we would say ‘miguel Jose Gomez... or juan martinez... and we would laugh.. I guess because it just sounded so typically Latin or South American or whatever... and then you would meet someone with that name and you would laugh. Holy shit, that guys name is really Jose martinez or whatever... so Infinito would go on and on... ‘ladies and gentlemen... introducing Mr. roger Wilson!’ and he would laugh... as if that was funny that someone could have that name...

Reminds me of something I read today about the pope dying. It said in the new York times that he passed away at 9:35 pm. And I remember seeing it live on TV in the studio that he died at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Well that's just because I happened to be in America at the time. on the east coast. So that makes sense. But I thought that was strange. time. what a funny thing time is. how the hell are you going to quantify something like that... in the future when people are asked ‘where were you when the pope died?’ they are going to respond according to where they were and what time it was where THEY were, not where the pope was. so if someone was in California they will remember very clearly that the pope died at about noon. And yet the official report will always read that the pope died at 9:35 at night. to make matters even more perplexing, to everyone that was in Australia or new Zealand at the time, they will remember that he died the following day... time on earth. It is quite relative. Next... what else is relative?

current spin: A. Molotkov, this is totally avant garde experimental music project out of Portland OR. Out there. not even music really, but sound. Interesting.

Last screening: sin city. wow. What a feast. Violent and graphic and brutal as all hell. But new. Unique. Bruce was rather predictable, which isn't a bad thing, because Bruce is great just being Bruce as always, but Mickey Rourke God love him can rest now forever. He performed his swan song. He was over the top amazing. worth seeing again just for his performance... this movie made me extremely uncomfortable and sick throughout. But it still sucks you in. Not my thing, but still a respectable work for its singular vision. One thing is, I will never forget it. a lot of critics are giving it an F. And some are giving it five stars or an A. no one can agree if it’s good or not. That's a sign of great art. [in that respect the pope was a great artist because he so polarized society] If you ask me I would give it an A because its that good of a piece of work – on its own, it can stand proud, gruesome and discomforting, but proud --- but I would give it a 7 out of 10 or a three out of five stars to separate it from the better films of all time. because its not that. but it is a damn good piece of art that you won't soon forget.

The whole band is in town rehearsing for our shows this weekend. Lots of different meetings last few nights. Made some time to watch the debates right in the middle of one meeting with one management team. They were in shock as I flipped on the TV right in the middle of the meeting so I could watch the debates. I just turned the volume way up and got really absorbed into it while everyone played name their favorite band while they waited for me. I think that they all think that I am insane. but I wasn't going to miss it.

So the entire country watched John Kerry wipe the floor with a very nervous and fidgety George w. bush. At times it almost appeared that bush was so scared or frustrated with his own performance and lack of information and knowledge that he wanted to walk off the stage. I don't think we have ever had a president so unfit for the job. None perhaps besides Ford of course, who never wanted to be president in the first place and just ended up there by some crazy twist of unfortunate luck. But boy Bush was just really off last night and Kerry of course was better than ever. I felt proud watching him and listening to him last night at the thought he may eventually be our president. But at heart I am pretty much a blind idealist so I wouldn’t take my admiration of the man too seriously. not even I do. I felt the same way about Clinton/gore in 92 as a kid, and we all know how they turned out. I'm not saying it was all bad ---the nineties were a pretty wonderful time for us in American, but that administration had its fair share of problems, that's for sure.

I know some people don't agree with me, but that's cool. I respect that. I always bounce back and forth in elections. Never take the repub or the democrat side a hundred percent of the time. just depends on the year and the candidate and the issues that are most important for the country that year. this year its Kerry and the dems. Maybe in four years it will be the other side or a whole different party. Just have to wait and see.

I was amazed to learn that we’re in the middle of a dead heat right now, which I think is truly amazing because I really can’t imagine anyone voting for bush after seeing him in these last three debates. I wouldn’t vote for him for president of any of my own little companies, let alone the biggest most powerful country in the known universe. I honestly can’t figure out what people are thinking when they see him speak and still want to vote for him for anything. But that's just me.

Although if you take a look at the map of the United States and how we voted in the year 2000, it is actually quite telling. It is divided between the blue democratic states and the red republican states. what you notice is that all the big city states like New York and la and Boston and phili and Chicago and Seattle voted democrat. And so did all the cool states like new Mexico and Wisconsin and Oregon and of course the predominantly upper class New England states. but then the majority of the states actually, all the small town American states, the rural states and farming states and southern states, what we city folk call the scary places in America all voted republican. telling indeed.

I guess its easier to sell “values” as a word or a concept rather than a real tangible thing we can put into action to these states. they can lose their jobs and income and health care and education and even lose their loved ones in misleading wars and still be sold “values” as a concept, rather than just voting for real values. It’s a phenomenon of the frailty of the human mind really.

And this whole thing about the word liberal being a bad word to these people is hilarious  our country was founded on the idea of liberty. And we have worked our asses off at defining and defending those liberties. Why the hell would liberal be a bad word? My brother and his wife voted for W in 2000 for no other reason than the abortion issue. I respected that. but they sure have changed their tune in the last four years. I think a lot of people have. but if these crazies somehow find a way to get W back in office for another four years and things keep going the way they are going for this country for another four years, God help us all, I think the whole damn country is just going to go berserk on the guy and mutiny. There's only so far the values card can be played before even the simplest minds begin to get the real picture.

Anyway, enough of that. Beaver is going crazy. being promoted again at his big oil company. Something has shifted in him now. he realizes that he is wasting his life by  not being in a job that is more focused on helping people. so mom just left me and flew home and now she is headed back out on a flight tonight to be with Beav and his family. I'll tell you, we are the luckiest guys in the world to have the mom that we do. she is just so there for us in her role as mother. Its so inspiring. She just says hang on I'll be there in five hours and hops on a plane to come be by our side and help us. she's always been that way since we we’re little kids. God bless her a hundred times a day please.

We have a real chance that our next election will be a tie and no man will win the majority of votes needed to win the white house. so I did some research to see what would happen. google it. its fascinating stuff:

How the Electoral College works
(CNN) -- The 2000 election was the fourth time the Electoral College selected a candidate other than the one who won the popular vote.
So do we the people really elect the president and vice president? Technically, we don't. Presidents are elected by the states and the District of Columbia, not by a national tally of voters. When you vote, you cast your ballot for electors who will vote for a candidate they are politically aligned with.
Most of the time, that means the candidate who wins the popular vote also wins the Electoral College vote.
There are 538 Electoral College voters, one per senator and representative from each state. The District of Columbia, which has no congressional representation, has three votes - the minimum.
California has 55 votes, while Texas (34) and New York (31) have the second and third most, respectively. Besides D.C., seven states have three votes.

Dreamed of Juliet last night/this morning. Somewhere. We were nowhere, but somewhere in the open. Outside somewhere... We were with a third person. a girlfriend of mine perhaps. We are talking about this feeling we had. ‘When we are together I feel whole,’ I say. ‘...like a whole person...’ she says. ‘If only I would have known,’ she says. It is romantic but it is not sexual. Romantic in a spiritual way, in a God way. Like literature. The girlfriend character tries to take control of the situation. she is taken aback by the understanding between Juliet and I. I expect her to understand. I am sitting next to Juliet. I feel a strong sense of peace and happiness talking with her. I feel like I can trust her completely. She is at ease and content. Just being. This is the fireplace that the oracle had mentioned in her last reading. ‘Juliet is a like a fireplace. Warm, caring, strong. She is a soulmate.’ In the dream I tell her I have a present for her and her boyfriend. I have a deep understanding that no matter the strong feelings I have that my mission is to honor her and her family, what she already has. What I already have. That I am not getting in the way of that. I am in appreciation of our understanding and connection.  

I wake up. I feel so enlivened by this chance meeting in the dream. I feel grounded by it. I keep going back to reflect on the scenes from the dream, to try to capture the feeling of it; I feel strong and healthy and happy from it.

Continuing to edit The Adventures of Fishy. a few pages everyday. Revisiting the old world. Harrowing and emotional.

Jazz calls and coos me to sleep.

Little Tree coming to visit.

Tour dates continue to be added. As band members continue to come and go. Now more than ever I must believe in myself. Believe in what this is all about. the songs. And the sound. And the message. No wonder all of our heroes were drug addicts. This is not easy. The uncertainty. And the lack of stability of it. I resist the temptation to escape and breathe deep. Vancouver knows that we are about to tour for three or four months but hasn’t called anyone in the band. Pretends he was never in the band. Infinito is out of the tour, still recording a new album together, but out of the tour. When push comes to shove we have discovered that a lot of guys are scared shitless to pack everything up and spend months on the road. afraid of being gone so long, afraid of not being able to eat right, afraid of not seeing anyone they know, afraid of not having any money... and yet for some of us it seems like the opportunity of a lifetime. So we continue to rehearse and hone our sound. And new guys hop aboard.

Pause

Tonight we had an absolutely brilliant rehearsal for the new album material. A hard album. Tricky and hard-edged sounding. It will challenge fans. Certain fans who love rns or swy or nic. This is a totally different sounding album. sounds like the police meets tool meets nirvana.

Later after rehearsal I receive an email from Juliet telling me that she dreamed of me last night where we were sitting having a long conversation. I was amazed. How very Richard Bach of us.

Remember Why You Make Music

Getting drunk is important. Like getting stoned or tripping. Its just something a person has to do. If someone says ‘I did not inhale,’ be afraid. Be very afraid. Went to Purdy lounge to see a few acts. Pepe le pieu sang. Some people call him Rene Alverez and I have no idea why. I have known pepe for maybe sixteen years. he is quite possibly the best singer in Miami. Always has been. One of the two or three best if you throw in Jim Camacho and Rhett in that mix. And the Toad of course. I'm talking guys here only. Plenty of great girl singers. But that's not the point. The point is that he is still a great singer. Singers give up after a while. Performers and artists give up after a while. I don't know why, but they do. they start focusing more on family and making a living, rather than their music, which often times is just no way to make a living. The point is that even though pepe le pieu hasn’t really been taking his music as seriously the last few years he played tonight and was just as good as he has always was. Just really solid. A true talent. From the heart. The music biz is a tough biz. I guess that in the long run, like in any of the arts, after a while you have to make a choice between your art and your living. I have had to make that choice many times in my life but I always choose my art instead of making a living. I hope I never have to choose making a living. I wouldn’t even if I had to.

[Chiara sang last night. I remember seeing her in 2000 a few times at various clubs performing. She was so young and sweet and pure. She always wore these little sun dresses and she just sang so wonderfully. She then moved to LA to ‘try to make it.’ last night when I saw her I didn't even recognize her until someone told me who she was. She was all dolled up. wearing a suit type of outfit. Smoking cigarettes. Lots of make up and acting very cynical. It wasn't like the show sucked. It just lacked that innocent charm she once had. later that night. I was very laid back on this couch because this guy who was sitting next to me had this water bong with the craziest tobacco in it. some kind of herbs. So we were all hitting this thing and feeling really groovy. Chiara came up to me and we talked for a while. I was so loose, I just started talking without holding back. just laying there on the couch. She asked me what I thought of the show. I told her that it was good. but that somewhere down the line it appeared as if she was losing a part of herself. ‘Chiara, remember when you used to be all sweet and joyful all the time? well that used to come through on stage. And it was part of your show. It was the “thing.” you know.“ “are you saying I don't have the “thing” anymore?” “No, no. no. you definitely have ‘it.’ o.k. what I'm saying is this. Just remember why you make music.” I smiled. “I know you're out in LA now. But you're not making music to get signed to a major record label. Or to be on MTV. Or to be famous.” “How do you know why I make music?” “O.k. fine, maybe you are that way but I doubt it. Just hear me out...” “fine. You weirdo.” “I'll take that as a compliment.” “You shouldn’t.” “I will anyway. Just listen. What I'm saying is that you aren't a singer because you want to be famous or because you want to make a lot of money or because you want to be a star and sell thigh masters in twenty years...right? You make music because its inside of you and it makes you feel good when you do it. You know? Some people are like that. And that's you. and if you're going to focus on that other stuff, which is important no doubt, because we need to make a living. Fucking Christ I know that more than anyone. But just don't forget who you are and why you're doing this. The joy is in your music. not the chase for the gold. You know? let that joy out and don't be afraid of it.” she started crying. We’re in this club and she starts crying. And I am baked on this strange herbal tobacco mixture and 2 white Russians. “I know what you mean. Why are you.... why are you.... so.... so...” she sobs a bit “so what?” I ask. “so .... like this? How do you know this? I don't even know you...” “We’ve met before.” I say. “Fine. We've met before.” she mocks me. “But Its not like we’re friends or anything. Why did you tell me this?” “Are you mad at me? I'm sorry. I'm a little drunk. I'm kind of just floating.... Going on instinct. Perhaps I should have just tried to have sex with you instead and not spoken from my heart. Would you have preferred that?” she just looked up at me between tears like don't be a jerk... “I smoked from this water pipe...i don't know who’s it is... here take a hit of this. its really nice...” I handed her the water pipe and she took a few hits. She stopped crying. “God.... I so know what you mean. Its so hard.... to remember.... was I that bad up there?” “No. not at all. You weren't bad at all. You were great. I would definitely do you. I'm just saying, don't let the chase drag you down. Remember the joy of the music in you.” “God fishy. Thank you. You are so sweet.” “Well you’re welcome.” “Everyone says you're so sweet, and its true, you really are.” “Everyone says I'm sweet? I thought everyone said I was an asshole.” “No I think that's just you who says that. In those insane diaries of yours. Why do you post all that anyway?” “I'm not sure. I think perhaps I'm insane as you say and none of us know it.” “No. I would disagree with you there. I think everyone definitely knows it. you are definitely insane.” she laughed. I laughed. We were laughing. And smoking. From some water pipe that belonged to someone we didn't even know; on a couch in the dark in some dingy club in the wee small hours of the morning.]

Rehearsed with cooper tonight for about five hours and all we did was learn new songs. Seriously thinking of starting to record a new new new album. crazy I know. sleep with you just came out in December and our new new album, nothing is cohesive, is being mixed now. but what the hell. Strike while the iron is hot as they say. I am on such a roll. Just writing non-stop everyday. New songs: we are columbine, last stand at the walls of Zion, messed it up again, turn a blind eye, something bigger, somebody save me, nobody’s listening to you. just constantly writing. I told cooper, ‘look man, I don't care if I have to sell my house and live on the street. The idea is just to keep getting the work done man. That's what its all about now for me. just getting it out there. I don't know how other bands do it, just putting out one album every year or two. I just couldn’t do that. we just have to keep recording and not stop. Because one day this is going to dry up. I know it. I have seen it in all the greats. They all dry up, but right now I am on this roll so we just have to keep recording. Major label to back us or not, just do whatever it takes to keep getting the music out. I am very lucky to be where I am today. very lucky to be in this zone where I can’t stop writing. it won't last forever.

Current Spin: tried to get through Nelly furtado’s new one. just could not get into it at all. so polished and glossy sounding. Not my thing. but I still believe in her.

Rehearsal tonight with the band. More news from the big time talent show people. They are asking that all bands sell tickets to the event at a price of $65 per ticket to our friends and fans. Of course the bands will not actually get paid. Funny. Doesn’t this sound familiar? We all had a good laugh and decided to not participate.

Last Movie:  Recently declassified war-time educational movies about America’s atomic bomb tests.

Another rehearsal tonight for the play. We are having so much fun in this. There are only seven of us in the play. Every night before we start to rehearse we do all these really fun exercises to warm up. this builds a certain camaraderie between us so we feel like one. and then we get into it. I am so impressed by all of them. they are so warm and open and friendly and willing to be vulnerable. Totally different vibe than the musicians set. No chip on their shoulder and very little attitude. Sure they are a little moody but it's pretty stressful to suck yourself into some character that isn't you and really try to be that. You're totally putting yourself on the line. I have just been in awe of them since we started working together.

The director is named Nikki. She is a total pro. Only 27 years old. So impressive. They really take it seriously. If bands took their work as seriously as actors and theatre people do, instead of sitting around smoking pot and talking all the time, they would be a lot more successful. I have learned a lot from these theatre people. they are very serious about their craft.

Current Spin: Midnight Oil, 20,000 watt RSL. 

We are rehearsing every night now for this upcoming play. Every night till midnight or later. These are long days. Wake up, go to the office during the day, rush to the studio to record, then straight to play rehearsal, and then home to eat a late dinner. Maybe get to sleep by three or four, and then try to wake up by nine or ten to start over again. Crazy. But I am learning so much from these actors. They call it getting the bug. They are so much fun and wild and open and free. By Friday I feel like I just have to pass out.