Late night talks last night with Little Tree. In the dark of the night. When the deepest and most secret thoughts are easily revealed. I tell her how it is almost as if I know that if I were in a relationship I would feel more fulfilled, because I am aware, deeply aware, of how much more meaning I could derive out of being in a relationship, rather than being single. It’s a great feeling to be in a relationship. Easy to get your attention sucked into it---the whole me, her, us, and then when you have kids, them thing. 

Easy to create something that seems bigger than just yourself. But when you break up you realize that a lot of it was just illusion. The whole us thing, the home, the family, and all that. I think older married couples realize that too. once the kids move out, then all of a sudden they realize that it really is just them on their own after all. not all the time. just sometimes. But it is amazing once a couple breaks up how this whole image of ‘the home’ ‘the couple’ ‘the family’ and all the other institutions that are created when two or more people come together seem entirely meaningless and non-existent because now its just back down to two homes of one persons. So you're still back to just being you. When you're a couple you take all this pride and give all this attention to a lot of things you wouldn’t when you are single. Furniture or photos or your pets---many items you bought together or that you tell yourself have some special meaning. 

But when you're single you have the opportunity to be more of a nomad. Those things aren't as important to you because you aren't using them as bonding items with another person I guess. When you are single the meaning that you derive out of life has got to come from somewhere else. It cannot come from your relationship or your marriage or your children because you don't have any of that. So that s where the challenge is, but that is also where there is much joy.