Dasher still trying to get me to hone in on the show, make it more cohesive, a stronger, bolder, more singular statement....more filming, more shooting, more editing, just to film a fucking pilot... almost fifty hours of film now scattered about the office desks... and I just keep going all over the place with it. now I am working with this idea for the apple ipod to get it right into the TV cameras and my ears at the same time... a brilliant idea.. totally revolutionary... and he's like, ‘what? you want to do what? add music during filming? instead of in post? What are you fucking crazy? Fishy we don't do it like that bro.’ ‘yeah I know, but what if we did?’ and I flash him this smile...

‘Too Picasso.... you're just too fucking Picasso man... That should be the title of the documentary about what it is like to work with you Fishy,’ Dasher tells me. ‘you're just all over the place... too abstract. you have to hone in man, just hear me on this... you can’t go interview people about health care problems and hear all these fucked up stories for instance and then head out into the street with your ipod and be dancing around ten minutes later to a Jay z song. people are going to think you are a bastard and its going to totally minimize the impact of what we’re going for in the story...’

‘bro I hear you. o.k.? I really do. But check it man. Life is sad. I'll give you that. life is always going to be sad. God knows that's part of what we’re doing here with the show is showing how fucked up everything is... but bro... that's just life. life is always sad. No matter what. all the time all of us know someone in our life who is going through something fucked up and sad... but man life is good too... at the same time... you know?’

‘O.k...’

‘Yeah man, and like with music.... music is there for us no matter what. good or bad... even during the sad times... so o.k. so lets say I do the interview with the freedom fighters in Chechnya... and they're all fucked up because the media is inappropriately labeling them terrorists and blah blah blah and its really sad that Russia has killed all their fucking men in their whole country and all that's left now is young kids and women.. and sure that's fucking sad as hell man.. and I'm feeling that sadness... I mean, bro you know me... I'm feeling that pain...’

‘I know you are. That's what I'm saying... you're there... and I love that. and I think people are going to see that Fishy....’

‘o.k. but dig what I'm saying.... o.k. so then... on the plane coming back home, some girl and I are digging each other right? and I want to film us dancing to some awesome music and just let it out... you know man.. that's life.... or maybe we get it on in the bathroom at thirty-thousand feet and I want to film that and put it in the show... that would be cool man...’

‘No Fishy that would not be cool. that's why I mean... it won't work man... it would just never work...  people do not think like that... they need something solid. They want one statement... they don't want ten statements... maybe you do... and I respect that man. You're an artist... I understand that... I do, but its not going to sell. And we’re going to bomb bro. and I am too young to bomb. You're going to have to trust me on this.... I respect you, but you're going to have to trust me on this...’

I'm sick now. have a cold. I love having colds. I love sneezing. I love blowing my nose. I love the whole art of having a cold. Its never unwelcomed...

Current spin: Al Green – I'm still in love with you. this is the original album, the masterpiece. One of them. Just great. Perfect. so singular in what it attempts. Pulls it off perfectly. digging into all of the old original Al green releases. A master in his time. He and Marvin and Curtis and Sly and Ray and James. And then Prince sashayed in. So forget about it. He just blew the doors off of place.

God I just watched the most haunting thing.

What?

Remember when those terrorists from Chechnya took prisoner of all those people in that Russian theatre?

Yes it was awesome. 

Awesome you say?! You're taking cruelty to a new level Fishy! Are you a madman?!

Yes, perhaps, but they aren't terrorists. They're people just like you and me, trying to defend themselves against another country who has taken over their country and who has been stealing from them for hundreds of years. It's unfortunate what they did but maybe it was the only way... I don't know... fight fire with fire they say...

Well yeah they were interviewing all these Russians and they were saying the same thing actually. they say they hate them for killing their families, but they understand why they are doing it. it was really disturbing. 

Well how else are they going to get their country back?

But don't you see that its that attitude that you have that causes the violence to continue on and on? They interviewed the Russian women and they were saying they couldn’t believe that these were actually Chechen women doing this to them and killing all these people. Its just sad. 

Well that's what I mean. They accomplished what they wanted to. they brought awareness to their cause. That's what they were trying to do. so it worked. It sucks and its sad, but it worked. I'm playing devil’s advocate here a little, but c'mon, what if some big country did that to us here in America? we’d be doing the same thing till we got control of our country back. we’d do whatever it takes...

Yea but now the Russian people hate the Chechen people even more. and now they're just going to retaliate.  

Well that's because they don't get it yet and they are stupid barbarians. 

You're nice man. Real nice...

Well its true. More and more people will die. But I bet you that now there's a few more Russian people that will wake up to what's going on there. dude when that first happened I was just as horrified as everyone else, so I sat down with a big tall cup of coffee and researched it. I started studying the history of Chechnya and the Russian invasion in the encyclopedias and two hours later I understood what was going on. Its just that the media is forced to lie to us, not just in Russia but here too. The truth is there, you just have to look it up in the encyclopedia, so I'm not saying it’s a total cover up, but you're not going to hear the truth on the news. I don't know what America has to gain from covering it up but its just total imperialist bullshit. They call these people terrorists and “rebels” on the news and in the papers. They're not rebels. They're people just like you and me trying to defend themselves form invaders just like we would if it happened here.

I'm in the airport. There is this Latin girl with a tight shirt on and no bra. Her breasts are just popping out. She has received more than her fair share of secret looks from other passengers here waiting for the plane. A few minutes later I looked up and she was standing up talking on her phone. Her nipples were really sticking out. And there is this guy sitting down about four feet away from her. He had a book in his hand but he was staring at her standing there talking on the phone and his mouth was hanging open, and then about five feet away from him there was this other girl who was staring at the guy and at the girl observing how this guy was so absorbed by the girl on the phone with the tight shirt and no bra, and she was completely absorbed in watching the two of them. She had this look on her face like, ‘I can’t believe that guy. Why does he care about that slut with the big boobs." And then I'm sitting there watching all three of them doing their thing. And I'm thinking, ‘I wonder if there is anyone watching me?’ Look how we watch each other. Each of us making our own little judgments about each other based on our own different sets of beliefs.

O.k. I'm on the plane now—America West—and they are playing all these country music videos. Man what is this? I think I have been in Miami too long. I feel like culture shocked. I'm sitting here looking at the TV and hearing this strange music and these goofy looking people and my mouth is hanging open. I forget that America is filled with people like this. I keep looking at the other passengers on the plane with me, like, “do you see this on the tv? Can you believe it?” Maybe they are from out west or something, flying home for the holiday. And they are used to it. The longer I live in Miami, the more I start to realize that it is not really part of the rest of the country. It's like we live in an alternate reality compared to the rest of America. I'm sitting next to his couple who packed their own lunch since airlines don't serve food anymore. They are eating bologna sandwiches on white bread with yellow mustard and yellow American cheese. I haven't seen something like that in ten years. I knew they sold that stuff in the supermarkets. I just could never figure out who actually bought it. o.k. so yea, Miami is not really part of America.

We’re in the air now. I'm watching the in-flight movie sporadically while reading and writing. Bourne identity baby!!! I love this movie. Great soundtrack. Reading time magazine—twelve letters from readers from all over the country saying they do not support Bush’s planned invasion of Iraq. I will scan these in. They receive thousands of letters per week one would assume with the printed ones being a small representation of the bulk of them. The media continues to report about the coming Iraq war (not a war at all, but really an invasion, since they haven’t attacked us and aren't really even a worthy opponent of ours) and all of Bush’s activities to prepare for this war on a daily Bas is. The media continues to ignore the fact that most Americans do not support Mr. Bush in this. and so when you turn on the television, you get bombarded by corporate bullshit and propaganda about an America that is not ours, but belongs to a hostile government who stole the presidency and will do whatever it wants to whenever it wants to regardless of the American people—as one reader wrote in to time magazine, ‘I will support Bush’s military action in Iraq as soon as he enlists his two daughters in the military.’ Funny.

After the recent theatre hostage crisis in Moscow, I became curious about Chechnya; who they were and why were they holding people hostage and blowing things up all over Russia. The first red flag was of course when the media described the perpetrators of the incidences as “the rebels” or “rebel forces.” This usually means “the good guys” or “the people”, but don't try telling most people that. Because they’ll think you're crazy and call you a “rebel” too. So for the last week or so I have been studying the history of Chechnya.

As it turns out, my suspicions were right. As usual, Chechnya is a country of people who want sovereignty and their independence from the hands of a larger, more powerful and evil country, Russia. Russia has been trying to take over their country and people for over four-hundred years now. The rest of us sit and watch it happen. We don't help the Chechens, even though Russia has been committing ethnocide on their people for hundreds of years. Killing and deporting millions of them.  We the United States and other civilized countries around the world participate in Olympic games with Russia, have tea with them, etc etc. same thing with China, even though they have murdered millions of Tibetans and taken over their homeland as well. Same thing with England and just about every country on earth over the centuries, but specifically Northern Ireland.