Lord Increase My Faith

Well I think its good sometimes to be kept up to date and notified now and then how those little actions we take effect those around us... to lift a thought from one of your long but not lost past sermons... made all the more ironic (or more coincidental) since this particular update is to you and about you and for you.

“My aren't we being evasive Fishy...” he comments and smiles that smile that so many have come to love. “Is there a point might I ask?”

“Yes there is. And no, no sir not at all. I'm sorry. It’s just because I'm knee deep in this ‘book writing mode’ as you know... so even my day to day conversation has turned into this weird sort of... well, book writing style, a novelistic approach... right down to my daily speech and even in my emails! It’s crazy I know. So let me get to the point. Because I do think it is important and actually interesting. At least to some it might be,” I answer. “And it might actually be helpful and inspiring to some.... Or so I thought as I was walking home this afternoon and reminded myself to email you about it.”

“O.k. I'm game. Fire away,” he replies. And I do.

O.k. so to get to the point, what I decided to do after that one sermon where you encouraged everyone to pray to ask God “lord increase my faith” I decided to add it to my own personal morning “recurring alarm” in my pda – you know, the one that wakes me up each day. Now of course I can add to it or take things away from it whenever I please but every morning these are the first words I see... so I fill this particular recurring alarm with very powerful words and images of faith or inspiration usually.

At one point in the last six months I added to the very top of this particular alarm in all caps “LORD INCREASE MY FAITH.” based on this sermon.

And then what I decided to do was start my day like that, immediately go into prayer – that prayer. And then jump up. Within a very short time I decided to start snoozing it for exactly two hours. and each time it went off, no matter where I was or what I was doing I go right back into that prayer. No matter what or where. Important. and then I snooze it again for another two hours. and I continue to do that all day long till I go to sleep. The last one might go off at 5am depending on how late I stay up or what I time I finally hit that bed. So in your average day I have prayed that prayer anywhere from 8 to 12 times.

So this began a few months ago... sometimes I might be on the phone when it goes off. In fact, oftentimes I am on the phone when it goes off, or in a meeting, so I have no more time in that moment than a few seconds to close my eyes and feel the Divine within me and around me and whisper “Lord increase my faith. Lord help me to increase my faith. Thank you, thank you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”

What is interesting is that the more you do it the easier it becomes and the more you look forward to it and of course the closer you feel to God/the Divine. After some time of it you might start to find that you are really feeling God or “God’s presence” in your life all the time... as if you are living in It, as if you and he/she/it are connected... as if you have this special bond... as if he/she/it is looking forward to it as much as you are... as if he/she/it is right there in you and all around you/us all the time anyway and thus all you are doing is reminding yourself to open up to that and become aware of it once again in each new moment...

Another thing you might notice is that as you pray this same prayer repeatedly like this – essentially turning it into a mantra – something that not only becomes part of you, but actually has a tangible and palpable effect on you mentally and physically – as mantras often do, and should – that the words, the ideas behind the words begin to bring questions up... questions such as “what am I praying for exactly? Am I asking this “God idea” to increase my faith for me? Or am I simply asking he/she/it to ‘help me’ increase my faith? And more, “increase my faith in what? What am I really asking for? Increase my faith in what? In God? In myself? In “faith” itself?” And on and on it goes... eventually you begin to realize that those four words pack a pretty powerful punch because they can take you on quite a ride if you let them. If you just flow with that mantra and allow whatever words to flow out of your mouth that happen to want to come out, you really can get carried away. It can if you let it become an easy path to an enlightened state.

Because I am now doing this 8 to 10 times a day, there are some times luckily where I might be free in that moment so I will stand up and raise my arms and hands up into the air and give it some time and really pray it “Lord increase my faith. Lord increase my faith. Increase my faith in you. Increase my faith in general. Increase my faith in myself. Help me to increase my faith in the path that I am on. Lord help me to increase my faith in magic. In everything that we read about and are led to believe. Lord take me beyond believing and into pure knowing. Increase my faith that you are here, right here, all around us, inside of us...”

And on and on it goes. Truly no end to it. A few minutes with each session is enough to get you reconnected, put a smile on your face, and a sense of calm and power, certainty and centeredness in your heart. Snooze it for another two hours. And off I go with my day.

Just thought I would share. I have no idea if that particular sermon holds or held any significance to you. Nor where it came from or where it is leading you or others. But this is where it has led me over the course of the last six months. I have had a lot of fun with it. And by God it just may be working.

As always thank you for what you do.

See you soon,
Fishy

July 31, 2005 Had a most profound spiritual experience today

Had a most profound spiritual experience today at church. Today was the last of four new member classes we were attending. I had decided this week not to go ahead and become a new member officially because of the five questions one needs to answer. I could of course answer yes to all five except this third one about committing to Jesus as my personal savior and serving him etc... because quite frankly I just don't even know what that means let alone feel able to answer that in the affirmative... so I delicately and politely bowed down from going up with my fellow classmates that I have been privileged enough to share the last four Sundays with learning about the history of the church and the religion etc. great times for me in my life right now truly. But I just didn't feel a hundred percent about going up there and not being true to how I feel in my words. I have too much respect for these people and this church. It means the world to me right now. so I will continue in my struggle/search/discovery of how I feel in my deepest heart about this matter. Either way I told the reverend, I'm in. consider me in. you have my presence and my money and contributions and anything else I can do to help. I'm just not sure about the whole Jesus thing. I felt very good seated in the pews still while my friends went up to officially become new members while I sat and watched. I had made the right decision. Fishy is growing up. Fishy is acknowledging his true feelings for once and making decisions and taking actions on those truest feelings above anything else now. miraculous.

His sermon today was awe-inspiring as most are and then his prayer afterward was even more moving for me. with my head bowed with the rest of the congregation I noticed that I was tearing. Actual tears. And I don't tear when I cry. remember? Just one of those quirks, or so I thought... so there I was tearing... so was I crying? Man I don't know. not sure what was happening. just deeply moved. But today, as I sat there with my hands clasped and my head bowed and listened to his words to and with us all I found myself tearing and crying and so moved that I would say it was the second most spiritual experience I have ever had, the first being just a few months ago when I heard that whisper to wander into that church on a Wednesday and just went in and sat down and was filled with the most intense and comforting feelings of peace love joy security and joy that I had ever felt in my life before. today was just as meaningful. in the shower this morning I was thinking to myself how often throughout my life I have mistrusted the God-concept... how hard and cynical I have allowed myself to become as a person of the world through the years... with full appreciation and no incrimination whatsoever I just felt into it and decided that I would let it go, honor it, recognize it, but deliberately decide to move past it. just finally decide to trust it fully.

Lets face it, we can’t make intellectual sense of the God-concept. We can always find a way to think our way out of it, in fact, its easier to think our way out of the God-concept than it is to believe in it. but that doesn’t stop us from feeling it still does it? and that's the thing about it. right there. that's it. we can always think our way out of that and so many other things, the after-life, reincarnation, the soul-concept. But you know intellectually we could just as easily talk ourselves out of many of the basic truths of physics and chemistry and biology if we rely solely on what we can see and hear and touch in the world with our basic human senses. The idea of molecules and atoms and string theory and chaos theory and how our bodies work and our brain functions... even these concepts are pretty hard to understand and fully accept. They seem so ‘not of this world.’ so beyond our ability to fully comprehend. And yet, if we break them down mathematically we can grasp little bits of it all. so there has to be a little faith there. either faith in science or faith in spirituality, call it what we will in our current incarnation here in this moment... it all requires a little faith.

Faith. wow. that's the tough one. fear is the biggest enemy of faith. what if I believe and I then get disappointed at some point down the road? that's it for me at least. Why should I believe in something that may disappoint me later on down the road? well so what, I asked myself this morning in the shower. why not just give in finally and just accept how you really feel, fear and all? I say we try it, I told myself as I scrubbed and shampooed. Why not just go for it? after all, don't you feel better when you believe than when you don't believe? I mean, don't you find that things just work out easier when you come from that place? don't you find that you are more lit up and more inspiring to others and to yourself when you are coming from that space? well yes of course the answer is yes. well then. lets settle it.

So today the sermon and the prayer seemed to address these questions and these matters quite eloquently and personally for me. and there I was sitting amongst hundreds of other people with actual tears streaming down my face. my God, I thought, I am truly truly sorry. And I'm truly truly happy. and I'm truly truly grateful. Thank you thank you thank you.

Last screening: world war I in color. Narrated by Kenneth Branagh. The six part documentary covering the history of WWI. But through computer effects they have added color to all of the old b&w footage that existed before. really brings it to life. interviews several veterans who are still alive today, some born as far back as 1895. these interviews are awesome. great doc. Learning a lot.


current spin: Queen. The Game. One of their best. greatest vocalist. Awesome guitar. Sick drum and bass grooves. Their peak as a band. they would never achieve this again. not many bands ever have since.