God

We are in Taos, New Mexico now to try out the infamous slopes of Angelfire for a few days. The mountains here are huge, up to 13,000 feet in some places; the runs can take a half hour to go down because they are so long and rambling. The views of the mountains and valleys below are breathtaking.

Every time I would fall, or even when I would sit down to take a rest, I would take the opportunity to just look up at the clouds in the sky and listen to myself breathe, or to stare out at the beautiful vista of the snow covered towns far below us. you could see for miles from almost anywhere on the mountains.  Snowboarding is not just a sport. It is a meditation.

I have not talked on the phone in about five days now nor checked email. I think it’s a record. And I feel great. It is very liberating and I find that I am still at the stage of the vacation where when I think of going home or talking on the phone or watching the news or checking email I start getting this feeling of dread swell up in me. so I am just totally hibernating. Trying not to think about anything at all actually. Just trying to stay afloat in each moment.

At one point while laying in the snow I thought about everything with Juliet and how after our meeting there seemed to be this strange kind letting go. an exhale. Again, still a little dumbfounded by the whole experience. I thought about the strange almost miraculous series of coincidences and synchronistic events that took place all around us and regarding us. Our parallel dreams, our dreaming in stereo, and so many more things and wondered how it could all mean nothing... I thought about that one night when I was praying and had said to God/spirit that I was going to drop the whole thing because the signs were not clear enough, and then the next day I get this email from Juliet saying she had dreamed that she was walking down the aisle getting married and it was me she was marrying... now in all honesty I took this to be a kind of sign from the universe if you will. but today or yesterday I don't remember I reflected on it more and realized that through my own thoughts that it could be highly probable that I had created that myself, that we co-created it together. that God was not so much a someone or a something that was in control of things as much as a power that we wield. All on our own. God must be something that we have the power to wield through our mind energy rather than some conscious being that exists outside of us.

Of course I wanted to believe that this strange synchronistic occurrence had a deep meaning and was a sign from a higher power. but lets be honest here, it wasn't. what it was instead was a sign that I was able to create this event from my own consciousness. And because Juliet was game, because we were so plugged into one another, it was an easy thing to have happen. concentrate enough on anything without secondaries and you can manifest all sorts of seemingly miraculous events.

As terrifying as the thought may have the potential to be – a godless God, a God not in control, but rather being controlled, by us, and who knows, perhaps by others as well --- I found comfort in the thought. It certainly makes more sense. Is easier to swallow. In fact, if you step far away enough away from the way we were and still are all raised here in earth in this kind of monotheistic ‘God exists and is the ruler of all mankind’ sort of ideology that has been so prevalent in our history for so many thousands of years, this other idea upon closer inspection seems much more probable ---- that God is not a God at all, but more of a unified force that is indeed responsible for life and death as we know it --- we got that part right, but it is a workable pliable force that we can breathe into and latch onto and can use at our own discretion. For good and evil. I mean that part at least seems much more likely. For certainly if there is anything close to a God or a force of any kind in the universe one would not be very successful in arguing the case that he/she/it is all good any more than he/she/it is inherently all bad.