The thing about the Abraham-hicks stuff is that it is so easy. the science of deliberate creation they call it. go for the feeling that you want is the method. Go for the best feeling that you can get to they say. Can you imagine... feels really easy. scary, because we aren't used to this at all. aren't used to just trying to go for the good feelings if things around us aren't feeling good... you know? but they are saying this is the key to manifesting our hearts desires and dreams... reminds of the old adage, ‘be it, do it, have it.’ in other words, be it first, but this is more like, ‘pretend that you are it and start to feel it and vibe it and then you will notice that you are it.’ spoke with the king the other day who is really into the abe-hicks technology and was telling him that I totally vibe with it. it seems so there, so on, so pure and dead on right, but still just getting used to practicing the process of it. will keep you posted. I do feel better. But lost these days. a whole week where I just feel totally fucking lost. Not myself.

New York is cold again. it is mid may, and we are still cold. Shivering outside cold. Sweaters and scarves and jackets. This is eight months straight now of cold weather. its just fucking bullshit at this point. getting very tired of this.

though the spring has been extremely exhilarating. Everyone looks so beautiful. filled with life. they call it spring fever. Everyone so happy and excited. The neighborhood is so full of life and bustling activity. Last night I just walk out the door down the steps, walk across the street to hit the local sandwich shop, “you want a juice” they ask, knowing me from coming in everyday, ‘yes please, carrot beet celery please. then across the street to buy a few potted azaleas for the planter just beneath the window of my bedroom. They're fifteen each – with New York being about five times more expensive than the rest of the civilized world, but we bargain and I get four for thirty. And I love that about living in this beautiful quaint little neighborhood. Then I mosie next door sipping my carrot juice and carrying a box that holds four blooming azaleas to our little neighborhood bakery, squeeze a few loaves before finding just the right seven grain loaf, bs with the owner a bit inquire at exactly what time the fresh loaves are baked – six am if you want the absolute freshest he tells me – and then I run across the street to buy some Spanish oil from the gourmet market across the street from the Koreans that own it. let me tell you something, New York is everything and then more than you dream it is. it is like living no where else. good and bad. The subway still completely sucks ass and if it not for my willingness to stay open minded and look for how interesting it is with all the freaks and crazies I would truly hate it.

Going out, dating, seeing each other, going steady... what is the right way to say it? isn't that funny...

Current spin: Nicolas Peyrac, toujours une route. His best of two disc set. A French acoustic singer songwriter. 

Spring in the park. Incessant pain from the Princess Little Tree creation. Nothing is cohesive slowly climbing the charts like the little train that could. me in a swamp of desires and resistances lost in the sea of me like a madman. Tossed about like a little tug-boat. Thank God for the gym. Without working out I would be dead or insane. Years ago the way that I am would have killed me. living in my mind is like living in a zoo with all the animals gone mad. Madison square park in nyc in spring. Any park in nyc. Parks offer such community. A sense of community we don't get in suburban America where we drive. Places like this where no one drives and just walks everywhere. everyone is so used to being on top of one another. I really like this. I'll tell you, there's gotta be thousands of us here.

Wasn't it a week ago that we were all bundled up in big coats and scarves and now everyone skipping about in shorts and sandals. There must be over a thousand people here. remembering the sun. every kind of person. so different from the rest of America. So different than the suburbs. There is real joy. an isolated joy. a shared joy. an exuberance fills the air. For all of us. people are here just to sit and read. to sit and breathe. To sit take in the fresh and the sun. to walk their babies. Or their dogs. Or to smoke or to write. Or to eat their lunch. Or to just sit and stare off into space between us all. couples are here holding each other. Bums are here to sleep and druggies are here to bum. But yes, many people just sit and stare, and assumably, to think, or better, to get lost in those thoughts that seem to come from nowhere. Who are we without our thoughts? Who are we with our thoughts? What are these thoughts? Can we ever capture them? hundreds and hundreds of thoughts. Is it all there is to humankind? Like a never ending movie playing in each of our minds. Secret movies. That only we can see. That only the individual can see. In his own mind. What an amazing thought. The little movies. I sit and stare at the others, imagining what little movie is playing in their mind as they sit there staring off into space... could be anything... one can only imagine...

most popular dogs in the parK? Beagles, German shepards, golden retrievers, or cavalier spaniels. The way the pigeons and squirrels are treated here one would think that they are also dogs. Everyone feeds them and pays them much attention. sparrows as well.

Current spin: modest mouse, good news for peeps who love bad news. really unexpected goodness here. very unique. Totally on their own out there just doing whatever the hell they want. Still basic pop and rock. But good stuff. I like it.

Also, checking out this CD called Rumi, the beloved is here. a collection of songs written around Rumi poetry. the very famous Dariush from Iran is one of the main singers on it. and Ramesh. The more I listen to Iranian music the more I like it. the only  thing is that I have not found any real balls in their music yet. not in three thousand years worth of music making have I heard anything remotely ballsy... it is all very calm and peaceful for the most part. Even when they are totally going for it full on passion it is reserved compared to much of what we are used to from western or Latin countries. Still the scales are slightly different and that's refreshing.