Being in the play, learning acting has done something to me/for me. Has opened me up in a way I had always wanted. On Saturday we played Churchill's hideaway in Miami. This place is a total dive but one of the few places left to play in the entire city for a rock band performing live music. Churchill's was the first club I ever played in my whole life many years ago with broken spectacles. We were 18 years old. Green little kids so eager to just be on stage. We would play three sets a night! for hours and hours. For little crowds of all of our friends. And we would drink on stage and be so drunk by the time we got off that we couldn’t even see straight. Back then I couldn’t even tune my guitars. Dave or Matt would do it for me. I didn't know how to get good tone from my amp and didn't know what good tone was. I couldn’t play the guitar to save my life. but we had fun. So it was great to be back there, where it all started. So many years ago.

Saturday night we—the transcendence—played the best show of our careers at Churchill's as a band. at least I did. I cannot help but feel that it has something to do with this acting thing and the subtle influence these crazy people have had on me. I felt so open and free and inspired and happy to be there on stage with my boys singing and playing. Throughout our concert people would walk out of the room, others would come in. It was late, past 1am. Normally I would obsess on that during our shows. Oh my God, why are they leaving? Don't they like us? are we too loud? Are we not loud enough? Are we not hard enough? Are we too hard? Do my vocals suck that bad? Do we not look cool enough? Something clicked on in me over the last few weeks. I decided to stop worrying. I don't know why. I just made a conscious decision to stop. Instead of focusing on the people who were leaving, I focused instead on the smiling faces who were singing along to every word and clapping and looking like they were having so much fun. I focused on the people dancing and jumping up and down. I focused on the great songs we were singing and how much I loved them and how much I loved being in this band with these guys who are so good and so talented and who give up so much of their lives to be up there with me playing. I would look over at the Piano Man or Vancouver and they would just be rocking it out so hard and sincere and I felt inspired and happy to be me. at one point after the show was over we got our money for the night. a total of fifty four dollars to split between 5 guys. Do the math. I was exhausted and still had to get my equipment off of the stage. i spoke to the God I keep in my head like many of us do, ‘God this sucks. I can’t believe I am still doing this. I have to load my own equipment. I am here in this grungy old bar in the worst part of town and I just spent hundreds of dollars to do this by the time I get done paying the guys and transportation etc. God I am just going to quit if you don't help me out here right now! I am tired and frustrated by this.’ and God said, ‘you can quit if you want to. It's totally up to you. You’ve quit before. Do you remember what it was like? You weren't very happy when you quit making music last time. do you remember? It's up to you. you'll come back though.’ So in that moment, I realized that he/she/it was right. I just enjoyed the hell out of that experience. So was it worth it? yes it was. We sang love is you and the people in the audience sang along with us. We sang oh you pretty things by David Bowie and it felt so great. This was a good show. I cannot wait till our next one.

Current Spin: Franco Batiato, Café Paix. Great contemporary Italian singer/visionary.

Another rehearsal tonight for the play. We are having so much fun in this. There are only seven of us in the play. Every night before we start to rehearse we do all these really fun exercises to warm up. this builds a certain camaraderie between us so we feel like one. and then we get into it. I am so impressed by all of them. they are so warm and open and friendly and willing to be vulnerable. Totally different vibe than the musicians set. No chip on their shoulder and very little attitude. Sure they are a little moody but it's pretty stressful to suck yourself into some character that isn't you and really try to be that. You're totally putting yourself on the line. I have just been in awe of them since we started working together.

The director is named Nikki. She is a total pro. Only 27 years old. So impressive. They really take it seriously. If bands took their work as seriously as actors and theatre people do, instead of sitting around smoking pot and talking all the time, they would be a lot more successful. I have learned a lot from these theatre people. they are very serious about their craft.

Current Spin: Midnight Oil, 20,000 watt RSL. 

An email from a friend: this topic is everywhere these days, for good reason,

“Is it legal (as far as copyright laws go) to burn CDs at home and distribute to your friends as gifts? An item on Haley's Christmas list is a CD burner; she wants to make CDs for her favorite music and give it to her friends as gifts ... I am not sure but think gifting is OK but

selling these type of CDs may be illegal - thought you could shed some light ..... “

O.k. literally it is not legal unless they are for yourself only because then those other people will not have to buy the cds for themselves, so the artists lose money and concert tickets go up even higher because it is the only way that we can make our money now. But some people argue that if people like the CD they will go buy it anyway to get the artwork etc, so I don't know the answer for you. I personally don't even like burned cds for myself because you don't get the real thing—you don't get the true artist’s vision---and half the time they don't even work, but a lot of people her age do like them cause they don't have much money, so I kind of think it is the wave of the future unfortunately. So we will see. I think it is inevitable that, A, people will keep doing it, and that B, we will start adding royalties to CD burners and blank CDs to pay the artists that are creating the content that warrants their existence in the marketplace in the first place, and  la princessa , that if it does continue, that concert tickets will continue to go up because musical artists will have no other way to support themselves or their families except from live appearances as more and more unique ways of obtaining recorded music for free become available to the consumer.

Absolutely beautiful day today. it finally got below 80 degrees in Miami, a miracle perhaps… today I went to pick up an Italian suit I had had custom made at Zegna, one of the top three Italian suit makers in the world today (Brioni, Armani, Cannalli, Zegna). That's what they tell me anyway.  This was my first time doing this. They take your measurements and help you choose the fabric and the style of the suit and they send it off to Italy where they make this handmade suit for you. And then it comes back a month later. Very nice. I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman in a way. What a joy. I like it so much I have decided to wear this suit for our concert at of all places Churchill's Hideaway on Saturday night. That will be very funny and stupid, but I will do it anyway. In fact I just may wear this suit everyday for the next few months no matter where I go.

In the studio again all day today to finish up my guitars. We finished. Now it's time for Vancouver to do his guitars, then piano man’s keyboards, lead vocals, background vocals, handclaps, percussion and various other little things here and there, and then were done. The tracks sound great. I hope we can finish it fast enough so by the time it comes out we still like what we made. maybe by January, we can be done. 

First voice lesson today with yet another teacher. While I was away I really felt into this other new teacher I had. Whenever I thought about her I felt bad. I did not feel good inside and I have learned to trust these feelings now. To follow the feelings always. If something feels good, if it feels clean and clear, and light and makes you feel happy, then it is a good thing. If something causes a disturbance in your body or mind, then have a look at it. Something is trying to tell you something. Easy enough. So, I just felt into it and decided that regardless of all of her awards and reputation and boasting and such I would prefer to experience my music in a much more joyful way. music for me is so important and such a reservoir for joy and happiness in my life. I hated the way that she made it seem so stern, desperate, and negative, telling me I couldn’t have a glass of water during my lessons and such. I really started to feel sorry for her and take it on myself like o.k. if I keep coming here I can make her feel better, make her happier as a person. and then I kind of let that go. Well today was a good lesson. Happy. Clear. Sang well.

So I'm in mikes cigars walking around and I look over across the room and I see this really hot girl and I think ‘wow, who is that?!’ I recognize that shirt. And then I realize that it is mirror on the other side of the room. It's me. I think I must look pretty feminine. Holy shit, I look like a chick.  

We are rehearsing every night now for this upcoming play. Every night till midnight or later. These are long days. Wake up, go to the office during the day, rush to the studio to record, then straight to play rehearsal, and then home to eat a late dinner. Maybe get to sleep by three or four, and then try to wake up by nine or ten to start over again. Crazy. But I am learning so much from these actors. They call it getting the bug. They are so much fun and wild and open and free. By Friday I feel like I just have to pass out. 

Watching this WWII documentary. Hours and hours. Amazing. Buy it if you can. its fantastic. So educational, illuminating. This is before the UN and NATO. Countries just attacked each other all the time. no one was really without blame. It was almost as if humanity had not yet discovered the difference between right and wrong. 

Germany wants to take over Poland so they cut a deal with Russia and they just split the whole country down the middle. Just take it over completely. Absolutely no respect or care about their people or traditions or culture. England decides that they will fight Germany but while they do it it would be a good idea to take over Norway because of their oil. Of course this mission of theirs failed but it just goes to show, even though they were supposedly allies, how allied were they really? And to whom? It is just unfathomable in this day and age. Or is it? the whole reason we invented the UN and NATO and other peace organizations was to enact rules and regulations to prevent exactly what Bush is proposing we do to Iraq right now. and the whole world is telling him that. and still he persists. It is rather frightening in the context of watching this history of world war II. Political scientists are saying that this could very well be the beginning of world war III if we go ahead with this. so I think we all have a vested interest in doing whatever it takes to stop Bush from this plan. This is pivotal time in our history regardless of how behind it the mainstream media seems to be. they do not matter. They never will. What matters is what we want. The people. this is our country. This is our land. This is our lives at stake. 

After the recent theatre hostage crisis in Moscow, I became curious about Chechnya; who they were and why were they holding people hostage and blowing things up all over Russia. The first red flag was of course when the media described the perpetrators of the incidences as “the rebels” or “rebel forces.” This usually means “the good guys” or “the people”, but don't try telling most people that. Because they’ll think you're crazy and call you a “rebel” too. So for the last week or so I have been studying the history of Chechnya.

As it turns out, my suspicions were right. As usual, Chechnya is a country of people who want sovereignty and their independence from the hands of a larger, more powerful and evil country, Russia. Russia has been trying to take over their country and people for over four-hundred years now. The rest of us sit and watch it happen. We don't help the Chechens, even though Russia has been committing ethnocide on their people for hundreds of years. Killing and deporting millions of them.  We the United States and other civilized countries around the world participate in Olympic games with Russia, have tea with them, etc etc. same thing with China, even though they have murdered millions of Tibetans and taken over their homeland as well. Same thing with England and just about every country on earth over the centuries, but specifically Northern Ireland.

Good weekend. On Friday we finally heard from the big time talent show organization. We auditioned for this thing months ago and they refused to give us any info until the official announcement. Well that was Friday night. And we won. So we are very happy. We weren't the only winners but we will receive the award for best unsigned artist of 2002. And we will perform live at the televised awards show. So that is very groovy. Last night went to see Elvis Costello at the Jackie Gleason theatre with Omine. Elvis’ voice is stronger than ever. He just has this amazing voice. Today I received an email that I will be able to go backstage and meet Caetano Veloso and present him with this song I wrote for him called Caetano when he performs here later this month. I am so excited, I can’t believe it. he is one of my biggest influences and inspirations. 

We have been working on getting our radio station up, Transcendent Radio, on our website. www.transcendence.com. A lot of fun. Playing all the music we love as well as a lot of tracks from various albums of our own.

Last Movie: Punch Drunk Love, by PT Anderson. Well Paul is a brilliant filmmaker. This one is small, very singular in scope but still has that other-worldly quirkiness that makes him such a visionary stylist. Adam Sandler finally shows that he is no longer simply a comic actor. He pulls off a fantastic performance.

Current read: set your voice free by roger Love

Current Spin: Josh Groban. Modern pop opera. An absolutely flawless voice.

A reunion between a small group of us who all live in different parts of the country. But we try to see each other a few times a year. Michael and Beth Ann just recently moved here to LA. So we all decided to meet here after Thanksgiving. I really wanted to get to know LA a little better. My heart is pretty much sold on New York but just in case I thought I would check it out. So we all flew in today at different times. Very nice to be here together. Tonight we went to sunset strip to check out all the clubs and bands. Pretty scummy, dirty, raunchy for the most part. A very big Fort Lauderdale. Nothing like beautiful fashionable New York or hip and stylish Miami. But being with this spiritual family that I have collected over the years has been very nice so far. We stay up late and talk about what we are all experiencing in our individual lives and then we advise each other, help guide each other, feed off of each other.

A lot of talking about what I was writing about last night. That the energy now around the world has accelerated so rapidly that it is apparent to everyone that IT is happening. Something has shifted. Things are moving so fast. Changes occurring so quickly around the planet. Things are rapidly shifting into place for everyone, or out of place, depending on how you look it. You are either prepared or not. Either way IT is still happening. Something big is happening. Something horribly incongruent and earth shaking is happening all around the world. It's getting harder and harder just to find time to get a haircut or cuddle up with a good book.    

Still in AZ. I just walked outside to relax and write a little. I was standing up, lighting a cigar, when I heard this super fast fluttering, like a bird on over drive. I flipped around and this bat was headed right at me. I ducked. It skimmed my head and hit my hair a little. I ran to the sliding glass door to take a breather for a moment. And then it came swooping around the corner to make another attempt at me. I ran inside. Crazy. 

Today my brother told me this story that happened recently right here in phoenix. A kid was at the local strip mall down the street this summer. A swarm of African bees attacked him. Came out of nowhere. He tried to get away from them. Went into a panic. Ran out into the street and got run over by a car. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't happening right now. Whatever “it” is. It's happening. A man gets a call. His father is dead. He goes to the funeral. Leaves his wife at home to work. Comes home the next day, his wife is laying dead on the floor. He is stricken with extreme grief. He goes to the funeral. He gets a call on his cell phone. His general manager who works directly under him just got run over by a semi-truck on the highway. This man was my brother’s wife’s step father. The dead wife was my brother’s wife’s mother. The next day his wife has a baby. My youngest niece. Our lives are turning into movies.

Rehearsing every night for this play called Decay that I have stumbled into. Having a great time learning the art and craft of acting. The other cast members who are all trained actors in one way or another have been very nice, showing me the ropes and teaching me the technology of it, and the vocabulary. Scripting, blocking, crossing, off book, all this new nomenclature, a lot of fun. Fascinating really. I always took acting for granted till a few weeks ago. Now I am just in awe of people who can do it so well. It is so transparent when they are doing it, you don’t even know that they are acting. I get chills watching everyone rehearse. They must think I'm funny. I clap for everyone when they rehearse a scene, but I just get so impressed. Then I go up and try to do my part, you know, I still have the script in my hand, the rest of them have already memorized their lines. I'm digging it. I love getting to know them, these actor types. Totally different than the musician types I've been hanging out with forever. I mean these are the same people who were in drama class in high school, you know. And we never hung out with them. They were always the biggest geeks, and we were always really hip and cool. We played guitar, surfed, did drugs, smoked, and always dressed cool. And they just didn't. The drama kids were always God I don’t even remember; well for one thing they never dressed cool. They dressed like poor geeks. You know I'm stereotyping here, but for a reason.

Well here it is ten years later, at least for me, and the lines have all blurred. There are still these huge differences. I'm sitting in this den of inequity where we all rehearse every night, this artists’ work space, where I think maybe a thousand people live or something. You're working on something and people just crawl out of corners with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths and no shoes on. It's wild. And then in walk these actors and actresses. And it's just so wild compared to the musicians. They are so prepared. They have all these notes on their script and they are so reserved and then all of a sudden they burst into this scene like no body’s business. And you are like shocked. Also they are so friendly. Compared to musicians. Who are so caught up in themselves and worried about being taken seriously and all of that. Where as the actors are pretty open and friendly people. I mean really, the space will be half filled with musicians who live there and half filled with actors who are working out of there and you can really tell the difference between the two groups. And I can relate because for a long time I was one of those dark and moody serious musician types myself. But I gave that up. God I am so much happier now, having my attention out, rather than in. Well that's a different story, but I'm digging this acting thing. These people are real, which is really funny to say, because they are actors.   

Also Transcendent Radio is here. it is so cool.

Current Read: Tropical Truth, a story of music and revolution in Brasil by Caetano Veloso

Current Spin: Alone Again by Father Bloopy. Sort of an underground t. rex meets dinosaur jr., quirky trippy lo-fi. 

Last Movie: The World at War, the 26 hour documentary about world war II