I really feel like crying. I just feel so sad. Maybe its lack of sleep. I cancelled all appointments today and will take calls. I just cannot bring myself to get motivated. This morning I gave an interview in the park with New York metro magazine about it. that was it though. The rest of the day I have not felt like speaking with anyone. I am having a hard time dealing with this. I think this is what denial feels like.

Its just that everyone worked so hard for this. I mean, how did this happen? who are these insane people who even considered voting for this administration, let alone went and did it? One of the best presidential candidates in history loses to one of the worst presidents in history. I just don't get it. So many people worked so hard to avoid this tragedy and yet still we are left with it at our doorstep. Like nuclear waste that we cannot get rid of... that's what it feels like. And the worst part is that the states that voted for this guy aren't the ones that are going to have to deal with it... New Yorkers are outraged of course, because its all the big city states on the coast that are going to have to deal with all the shit that's going to hit the fan. the potential for another terrorist attack because of this is imminent. Our one chance of protecting American soil was by ousting this admin. There aren't going to be bombs going off in Montana or Missouri or Texas, but rather in Boston or Phili or New York or los Angeles. And that's just bullshit that these middle states voted to continue with all this terrorism we are doing in Iraq and we have to do be the ones that live with it. I'm just rambling. I'll stop. But I cannot help but also fear for our jobs now, for gay people, for women’s rights, for the economy, and for the environment. This guy is going to have carte blanche now to just fucking ruin the country in a way we haven't seen since the Vietnam days.

But I did hear one positive side to it. a Buddy of mine who ran for congress on the dem ticket and lost to a repub said that the positive way to look at it is that by the time the bush regime is done, the country will be so thoroughly devastated by the damage that they do that that it will finally and unequivocally rip the conservative cord out of its belly once and for all. he like so many today feel that the next four years do not bode well for the States. and so maybe this is the last dying gasp of the old breed as they finally see the error in their ways. I just hope they don't bring the rest of us down with them. that was I believe why so many public figures and enlightened citizens alike worked so hard to fight this from happening.

I'm bored with this subject now. we’ll just have to wait and see what the young cowboy has in him. how many more hundreds of thousands of people will be killed during his wicked regime. For future generations to make note, it may seem astounding to you reading this that we in this age and at this time in our early evolution speak so calmly and easily about the murder of hundreds of thousands of other people. and I admit, that as much as it is abhorant to me, I am still as a citizen of this world, very used to the idea of it. it is something we take for granted as a people still. we have no problem as Americans accepting the fact that we have killed over one hundred thousand Iraqi people in less than a year. but take heart, for as shocking as it must seem to you, make note of the fact that last night on November 2nd, 2004 48% of the American people voted against gw bush. He received 51% of the vote. A high number indeed, but it does offer hope that the country has turned enough now that we are a divided people.

not everyone is that kind of person anymore or sees things the same way. to many of us now the idea that we have killed so many people in a country that we don't even know, who never even attacked us, seems unenlighted and barbaric and savage and ignorant and it reminds us of earlier generations of humans who we tell ourselves now in our history books and school textbooks that we are no longer like, but I am afraid to report that many are still this way. if last nights election results are any indication of the matter, it would appear that about 51% of the population of the United States is this way still. these are the same people mind you who buy CDs, (you probably don't know what those are --- we store music on them), they buy the music of Britney spears (I am sure you don't know who she is but she was an entertainer of questionable talent who no one in the entire country admits to listening to but somehow she sells millions of these CDs). anyway, that is the kind of people that these 51% are. They read detective novels and romance novels and they watch “network TV” and they go to Arnold Schwarzenegger films. (again, I know you may not know who that is, but trust me when I say he was no Marlon Brando (God I hope we still know who that is)). The times are strange for us when a man of mere amusement and folly such as he is respected in the realm of political thinking above more learned men.

I am watching volume two of the ric burns documentary on New York. Seeing how even back in the early eighteen hundreds New York was always ahead of the rest of the great country. serving as its finance commerce entertainment cultural and intellectual center. listening to the personal diareies of men like Alexander hamilton and Washington irving and walt Whitman and Frederick Douglas and so many others who were so happy to come to this great city and felt so lucky to call themselves a citizen of it. today's time reminds me of what it must

As shocking as last night’s election results were to future generations will seem, being I assume much more civilized and evolved than we are presently, I remind you to bear in mind that New York decidedly voted for Kerry. Honestly I think New York would have voted for anyone other than bush. It could have been big bird for all they cared. (I trust we still know who big bird is? trust me, he was cool). as I have said before and people say all day long right now here in the big city, it is not the big cities where the lowest common denominator thinking is going on, but in the more rural areas where the people still take everything at face value that they see on the news or read in books. But something tremendous happened in this election. There were plenty of rural states where Kerry came very close to winning. Where it was very near a tie. And that says a lot. It says that these rural areas are not entirely made up of the kinds of people that we normally associate them with. Indeed it would not seem that this isn't a big city issue anymore as much as just an information issue. Maybe these people who are still voting for war and death to all who oppose us, and destruction to the environment, and saying no to healthcare and equal rights for all citizens are just lacking information that others have access to.

If there's anyone in the world who can say I never met a man I couldn’t like’ beside Will Rodgers, it would be me. and I gotta say I like everyone I meet for the most part. Any of these people who voted against America’s evolution last night would be great people to meet in the street if you had a chance. And often times you can easily get them to see the subtle errors in their thinking just by a simple conversation and a few cups of coffee. But its just the level of misinformation we are dealing with in America is so great, I am sure if you are reading this from the future you wouldn’t even believe it if you were here now. the news media rarely reports on anything real anymore. Honestly I don't know if they ever did. but its really weird the way it works now. a lot of bread and puppets now. and not much of a feeling that we can do anything about it. lucky we have the Internet, and believe it or not, a lot of people still don't have access to it, so that's still a big issue. A lot of people still get their news from TV and newspapers...

Another thing you will notice is that a lot of these people are still what we call religious. I don't know if we have religion anymore by the time you are reading this, but you surely have read about the devastating effects it has had on our species over the last four thousand years. the war we are presently fighting in Iraq is a religious war in a lot of ways, even though not many people admit it in public because they are reluctant to do so. But our current president speaks of his God and his people follow, and the Muslim leaders speak of their God and their people follow them. and our world still remains a very dangerous place because of these gods. People here are still very zealot about their gods and they are willing to kill other human beings for these gods, even though the other human beings we can see and hear and feel and the alleged gods we cannot, but trust me when I say it is true and it is still a very scary world to live in because of this strange anomaly in human thinking. I will even confess that just writing what I am writing now is still considered very dangerous because of these people who are called religious on the earth.

Since man has inhabited the earth, people who profess themselves to be religious, whether leaders of their church or government, or just local citizens, have never been known to be tolerant or open minded towards those who do not possess the same faith that they do, or at least pretend to. many of the people who voted last night for the Bush team did so espousing reasons of morality, believing still, surprisingly as it may seem in this modern era, that their morality should have anything to do with other people’s.

Similar to a hundred years earlier in our history these people will say anything and quote anything they can get their hands on, religiously or otherwise, to prove their point and get what they want. A hundred years ago, it was to try to prevent women’s rights. A hundred and fifty years before that it was to try to prevent us from enabling the rights of our black brethren. Hundreds of years before that it was to try to stop us from making forward progress in the sciences, such as when they jailed Galileo or told Ben Franklin he was in cahoots with the devil for controlling lightening. Now we are facing a similar struggle as I mentioned before. I should trust that by the time that future generations read these words that gay people will be as common place as a walk around the block on a cool autumn day and that they will share the same rights as the rest of us do today.

But we are not there yet. an intelligent man of the public even if he believes otherwise cannot even freely say that gay people should be allowed to get married in America for fear of this 52% that rule the roost. An intelligent man must pretend that he believes that marriage for some reason should only be between a man and woman to please the lower minds of our species. Just as in other parts of the world people pretend that they believe that women should be forced to wear scarves around their body whenever they are in public. A lot of is farce and only spoken to appease the lower more religious hearts and minds among us. but I still say that it is a sorry state for us all to be in.

I seem to be one of the very few, and I don't claim to speak for anyone else but myself, who don't believe that religion should dictate a damn thing in our lives. I am convinced that man can evolve beyond the consciousness where it needs religion to tell him what to do or how to think or act. I am not saying that I think it is a weakness, for I still maintain a belief, if a somewhat mysterious and enigmatic one, in a higher power, and I find that it gives me great strength. But to quote John Kerry I do not believe that I have the right to mandate governmentally my own personal articles of faith. which is exactly what these so called moralists, the 52% religious people, are doing when they try to claim that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. I find it sad and frightening to live among them if the truth be told. For if their heart does not tell them what is right and wrong already, and they still feel the need for a written moral code like that of a religion not of themselves but from outside of themselves, then they are, as they have proven for millennia, capable of doing terrible things to the rest of humanity.

This recent surge in monotheism is only four thousand years old being first invented by the Jews of Abraham. It was thousands of years later that the non Jews adopted the idea of it. they try to assert that the world is a better place because of it, that we are somehow better off than when we were a polytheistic people. but history has proven that we are no better off. People are still being murdered by the millions at the hands of others. misdeeds abound all over the earth, one God or many. In fact, if truth be told, it was the one-God people who committed mass genocide on the multi-God believing people of the America’s hundreds of years ago. And of course the 20th century is filled with horror stories of monotheistic people killing other monotheistic people for no other reason than that they were stronger. To an outsider such as myself it is quite clear that no matter what hat people place on top of their God that they will still find ample reason and just cause to commit evil acts of indifference and malevelance. And for me that is reason to look beyond God for our moral code. For these various gods that man has created for himself throughout time have never smiled upon us. in fact, they have never done much of anything. They have always just let us do whatever we please to one another, no matter how brutal or unkind or unjust.

Our only hope is to look beyond gods and to look within our own hearts for what we seem to be searching for in our creation of Gods. Then and only then will we finally be able to triumphantly say that we have risen beyond the realm of the beasts of the field that we so longingly have aspired to. It is my sincere hope and wish that future generations reading these words know what I am speaking of not just intellectually but experimentally.