Realizing more and more each day that this idea of happiness, the being there now, rather than later, is up to us, not some other external forces outside of ourselves. Really its just up to us.

quick now because its past 2am and I'm tired and have French class in the morning. O.k. lets say your goal is just to be happy. really happy. or say its to have money. loads of money. or to have true love. In a nutshell that sums it up for most of us humans here now. at this time in our evolution. Still, after all these thousands of years its still coming down to food shelter money love health and happiness, same old. Now you may just being going through your day not even thinking about that stuff because your so fucking busy or you're telling yourself that you are, that you may never think about what you really want out of life.

every now and then it might occur to you. man I wish I had that boat. Or man I wish I had true love. Or man I wish I could live the life I've always wanted to... and then immediately after that is when you are gong to find the thoughts that are creating the life that you are currently living, rather than the one that you really want in your heart of hearts. Its in that moment, the after thoughts, that you have to pay attention to. and that's not easy because those are the thoughts that we take the most seriously. those are the thoughts that are being created by the beliefs that we hold that are creating the life we are currently living.

What I've started to do now is just live like a fucking machine. As if I'm neo from the matrix. Constantly reprogramming myself. Mainly using Avatar or Tony Robbins or Sedona method techniques. Twenty four hours a day. you see, if loads of money is what you want. And who doesn’t. then you have to have that as your mantra. That has to be with you all day. some people aren't even there yet. they're just trying to create ‘I have enough money’. and that's cool. that's where they're at in their thinking. in their beliefs.

But you make this whatever it is for you your mantra. And its with you all day. you repeat it constantly. You are reprogramming your thinking. its really that simple. Every time you say watch what pops up in your mind. Observe lovingly the thoughts that pop up right afterwards. Those are the beliefs that are on auto-pilot in your thinking. and those are what you have to get rid of in order to create what you really want. Because of the confidential nature of all three of the methods that I just spoke about above, I can’t say what to do from here to let go of or discreate these beliefs that you have that you don't want to have. but all three of these techniques are available by just taking these courses.

I'm not a teacher anyway. I'm just talking for myself here. what I've found for me though is that if I grab at those thoughts that pop in that are opposite of what I want, like say I feel bad that our new CD is not charting at number one yet and I start thinking thoughts like oh woe is me I guess people just don't like this new CD of ours. I guess we’ll just have to try it again with the next album... normally the tendency is to take that thought seriously... give into it. but the key is not to give into it but instead to grab at it and whip it till its gone. Till its out of your consciousness completely. Don't resist that thought. Because then it just sticks around. you have to grab it and accept it as your thought and acknowledge that you are thinking it and creating through it but instead of keeping it you fucking let it go. you say goodbye to it. use whatever method works best for you. but don't give into it. I'll tell you this much, whoever you are, you do need a technique. So for me I will share that either of three that I mentioned above work the best from what I've found so far for discreating of or letting go of beliefs that don't serve us. all three are great. So I highly recommend taking the courses to get the data and the techniques down. You have to start somewhere. You don't start driving a car without learning how to drive a car, right? you don't become a great guitar player by not learning how to play the guitar. You have to learn how to create and how to discreate....

This is working unbelievably for me the last few weeks. I am feeling like a new person. everyday more email more letters more calls more abundance coming in. more confidence. More happiness. More smiling. More skipping happy go lucky down the streets of the great city that never sleeps. The thing is that I never stop now. I am constantly focused on what I want. During the day. at night as I am falling asleep. And as soon as I wake up I am thinking about it and focusing on it and doing things about it. a careful balance between doing exercises and using techniques to restructure my consciousness and taking deliberate action in the moment to make something happen. again, its like a martial arts movie I'm living.

Another thing I notice is working really well is that if I think of something that I want, if I notice it in my heart, I ask myself well what does that look like? What does that mean to me? so I grab a pen and I start writing or I just start typing whatever comes to my mind. I just let go in the moment and flow with it. write down whatever that looks like to me. that way its right there on paper right in your face. That's what you want. So now you know. its clear to your subconscious and conscious mind.

Current spin: Bright eyes, digital ash in a digital urn. Don't get it yet. I know this wasn't the one to buy if you were looking to get Conor. But it read like the closest thing I would dig. Sounds like someone with free studio time goofing off with songs they didn't want to put on their “real” album. Which from what we've been told is what it is. but not so worth the listen the first time around. but I'm going to give it another go because the artwork is really cool. I might buy his earlier stuff. God there is just so much shitty music coming out of American these days that its just really fucking depressing.

Last screening: to have and to have not. starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren bacall. At first I wasn't getting it. so scripted and tongue and cheek. But after a while it gets under your skin.

Current spin: MUSE, absolution. GODS! Take everything that Jeff Buckley hinted that he might have been and Thom yorke was and its all wrapped nicely here in this tight little three piece out of the UK called MUSE. Great album if you like queen or really good brit-pop.

Current spin: 50 cent. Massacre. Like it, because I dig the way that he flows. I just love his style. But its all guns and killing and drugs and money and hos and bitches. Very low-consciousness, primitive ape shit unfortunately. Which is too bad because he obviously has a big flu on the kids. Maybe as he grows he will grow up as well. music wise it offers that same orchestral pop meets hop vibe that his last two did. and he even sings a bit on it.