Wonderful weekend. Fig and olive, star wars movie, central park, Indian dinner, unity church, brunch with friends, four seasons for afternoon tea. I know I know, why would someone so anti-religion always be going to church all the time. well as soon as I figure that one out I'll let you know. maybe I'm hoping for a new kind of evolution.

Thinking about the Enron scandal from that movie that I just watched. Thinking about Boo Boo Kitty and what she and her brothers and sisters are going through with her sister’s recent treatment for breast cancer. She's only 30 years old but there it is and with both their parents being passed on, its up to them to deal with all the bill paying all on their own. but its hard. Its quite honestly a full time job. The health insurance companies job is to deny the claims. Period. The sister has cancer. She gets treated. The treatment costs hundreds of thousands of dollars. She is covered by medical insurance they think. but the insurance companies refuse to accept the bills or pay for them. they continue to deny the claims and so boo boo sits in her little apartment in mid town Manhattan with a floor full of bills and paperwork totally going out of her mind. Frustrated beyond frustration. Crying and pulling her hair out. they tell her ‘I'm sorry Miss, you'll have to call back between the hours of 9;30 to 11;30 or 1;30 to 4;30. that's the only time suo and so will be available to speak with you....” so what if Boo Boo Kitty or her sister have jobs? what then? exactly. they are fucked. Just like everyone in America. I was deeply affected by this experience. I tried to remain cool and calm and appreciate her creation so as to support her as a good friend would. But inside I was boiling. I walked out of there that night and walked up fifth avenue fuming. America is a shit hole full of evil greedy money grabbers. Something must be done.

I awoke this morning with a revelation speaking to me in my dreams. it was as clear as day. At this point in America one is finally resolved to believe that we have no choice but to resort to absolute anarchy and violence to make the changes we need in this country. this was the message I saw and heard in my dreams. I shared the vision I had with Princess Little Tree and a few others at brunch this morning. “I have decided that we need to resort to violence in order to right how fucking wrong things are in this country,” I began.
“what do you mean?” asks Tom Cat.
“what I mean is that a fucking bomb needs to go off in some of the buildings where these health insurance companies are. plain and simple. Its not fair how things are here now. we are total fucking victims of how greedy and twisted and deceptive our country has turned into.”
“I think its just that things are so fucked now that everyone just says fuck it and tried to make as much money as they can and ignores what's going on around them. I know that's what I'm doing.” Tom says. “We’re not going to change things. its too far gone.”
“That's my point. You're a regular old normal thirty year old attorney and you've already given up on believing in America. So what's a regular old mother of two in Montana who's getting fucked in the ass by her job or by her medical insurance company or her credit card company supposed to do? she's fucking without hope. And that's what I mean. we could put an end to this in less than a year if we started going into these offices and shooting these fuckhead greedy bastards and dragging their asses out into the street for everyone to see that we aren't going to take it anymore.”
“Harsh words my brother. But I hate to say it, but I think you're right.”
“No no no.” protested Little Tree. “There's no excuse for killing people.”
“I would disagree with you there,” said tom cat. “if someone was trying to hurt your children you would have no problem killing them.”
“that's true. if someone was hurting my children I would want to kill them.”
“yes exactly. and that's precisely what's happening now all over our country. our children are getting hurt and killed by how fucking evil and fucked up things are. children are being denied medical treatment because of health insurance companies. Children are dying, people are dying because of health insurance companies. And almost worse than that, they're going fucking bankrupt even when they have health insurance. Because the rules are all set up on their side. And you think our congressmen are going to do anything about it? fuck no. because they already have health insurance and plenty of money. so they don't give a shit.”
“And plus bro that's where they get so much of their campaign money from. from the companies like that.”
“yep. That's what I'm saying. But I'm telling you right now. a few of these fucking ceos get a bullet in the head on their way to their car because some lady can’t pay for her husbands cancer treatment and we’ll see how fast this continues.”
“I can’t believe you are an Avatar and you talking like this. Fishy stop. You don't mean even mean it.”
“Honey, I do mean it. that's the thing. I know it sounds crazy. I know I sound like Anakin skywalker and I've sold my soul to the dark side, but you know what? this is the only way we are going to win this country back for the people. we are too far gone now. our country has totally been taken over by greed and money interests and no one does a fucking thing about it.”
    “What are you doing about it? what peaceful actions are you taking?”
    “Please. look at my website for gods sake. Do you know how much time and effort tand money I've spent and so many of the people that work for me have spent trying to educate and enlighten people to take action? How much I've protested and marched and been an activist the last five to ten years?”
    “Well that's true.”
    “yes I know its true. and all my friends too. I have friends all over the fucking country who have dedicated their entire lives to trying to change things for the better in this country. real hard core activists. And you know what? they haven't done shit. on most accounts they haven't done anything. But we all continue to promote the causes and preach the good work. But bush has still gone into Iraq and killed more than one hundred thousand Iraqis in less than two years. and everyone in America just sits around and pretends that it’s o.k. and you think that's right? that's killing people and yet Americans seem fine with it.”
    “But that isn't right either Fishy.”
    “Yeah I know. but try telling that to most Americans. They're too busy as tom says making money and thinking about themselves. And that's because our system is so corrupt that we have no choice but to be totally selfish and self concerned. We don't have time to think about Iraqis getting killed because we’re too fucking worried about how we’re going to pay the bank fees or the credit card aprs or the high health insurance monthly bills. So we let bush and his madmen do whatever the hell they want.... even if that means killing people in other countries. Even if that means fucking with our school systems or destroying our forests or selling us out to big companies like Enron...”
    “You make a good point man.” Tom says.
    “I know. and trust me. I wish it weren't this way. but it is. and my activist friends just aren't seeing what's really going on because they too now are so caught up in the paperwork and the beurocracy of how things are here that they go on day after day without noticing that they haven't accomplished shit. somewhere down the line I just woke up and realized that I don't believe in martin Luther king now, but instead with Malcolm X and the black panthers to use a simple analogy. we’re going to have to fight now. we’re going to have to rise up and start get violent if we are going to have any chance of having any rights whatsoever. Already what people deal with with their banks and their health insurance and their credit card companies is total bullshit. watch ho fast that changes if a few bombs go off and people start dying.”
________________________________

now to be fair I am going to post the following article that someone just forwarded to me, because one it is really fucking good, and two, it is rather appropriate, seems significant, and may help balance the above rantings and ravings. So here it is:
http://boston.tribe.net/thread/90d3ec86-ed3f-44d4-a27b-e6f279ecc6d7?tribeid=ab733928-44f5-45d6-ba76-3f6d60963c7c&r=10509

A breath of new Air...
by Shadan Taliesin Janara of the Uhlm Shadi

*  *  *
I generally don't credit those who's "leadership" has led us, collectively, to this point that we've reached, but there is one area of praise where they deserve the credit... 

...They play the best game in the world... (literally) 

They play for real world stakes, and their currency isn't even money... (to them, that's "just the scorecard") ...Their currency is the blood, sweat, tears, and TIME of other people. 

For those who take time to look at how society really works, it doesn't take too long to realize that "the career ladder" is nothing more than a well-constructed illusion... 

There is absolutely nothing stopping each and every person in this tribe from becoming a CEO (or other business owner) and "taking the reins of economic power & freedom" except our own beliefs and self-fulfilling disempowerment... (or the conscious choice not to live that kind of life)... What largely stops most people is the honest belief that "it just can't be done"... 

(To which I can't help but respond by screwing up my face in the most incredulous look and saying, "Oh really...? Then how come there are people who are actually doing it...?") 

I mean, seriously... They don't have "degree programs"for becoming a CEO... (or if there are, I would find them a highly dubious affair, no doubt) ...Because CEOs and business owners come from all walks of life and tend to have fairly "colorful" backgrounds when compared to the white collar suck-ass underlings who wouldn't have the first clue of how to guide a business if they actually decide to start oneof their own. 

By and large, the only requirement to being a successful business owner is the realization of the sad socio-eonomic truth that "Somewhere, there is someone who is stupid enough to buy anything"... The logistcal problem is simply connecting whatever one's goods and services are to those who are ready to buy it... 

In other words, the whole philosophy surrounding our economy is based on an inherently predatory notion under the guise of a mutually benefitcial exchange... Business logic is about getting the maximum amount of profit for the smallest expenditure possible. 

But because the business is the entity who is likely more economically aware than your average consumer, these exchanges are nearly always biased in the favor of the business, simply because of the perception that "the business is holding all of the cards"... 

...Which, frankly, is a load of horseshit. 

Those in power know the truth of things.... That EVERY SINGLE PEICE of power and leverage that they hold sway over, WE GAVE TO THEM!!! Sure, we ended up with all kinds of nifty trinkets, toys, and things that we thought would be "nice" to have... 

...But that's because we are largely blissfully unaware of the powerful value that a currency trully represents. We spend it on meals out, entertainment, and dozens of other things which we really don't "need" by any but the most fanciful stretch of the imagination... 

...And in the meantime, the businesses have been the social entities amassing all the power... 

It's not that our government is fucked up, it's that our society is... If the real problem was "just our government", I'd be full on, right there, arming up for the overthrow... But it's just not the real problem... 

The real problems of the world can only be solved by having a supportive stucture in place that helps shelter and incubate the changes from external forces which would seek to undermine them... 

This kind of conflict can only be "solved" by creating a system that undermines their system faster than they can undermine yours... (and this type of "friendly competitive behavior" is actually quite common in the business world... Stabbing your competitor in the back is seen as a "good thing". (Recently this model is slowly shifting as more and more businesses are rationalizing the logic behind "strategic partnerships". 

So, essentially, what it all comes down to are the two "battlefiends" - the economic markets, and the courts... 
In order to survive in business these days, it is essential that a business owner have at least a more than passing awareness of both... 

(If you don't know what company is getting sued for what and why, a business owner can be very suprised when someone sues them out of the blue... Never even realizing that the "offended person" was simply paid to make the legal complaint in exchange for compensation by their competitors...) 

Because their competitors would know that a court fight is a very costly expense that usually isn't planned for in tight budgets, and because a company's ability to grow & expand depends on their having the available capital to respond to changes in the marketplace... If timed correctly, this kind of operation (a lawsuit) can not only severely hamper a business, it can outright destroy it by setting into motion the collapse of their years of financial planning ... All sucked away by court and lawyers fees... 

This is why most businesses prefer to settle out of court. Not because they are "guilty" of whatever they were accused of, but because it simply cheaper and less risky to just shut a person up by throwing gobs of money at the person and their lawyers on the condition that they (basically) "just shuit up and go away". 

There is truly a very serious war brewing in the better part of humanity, as we seek to bridge the gulf between the world as we'd like it to be and the world that exists as it is. As both pictures become clearer, we realize that BOTh must compromise in order for them to co-exist in a harmonious and balanced manner. 

Making sudden, drastic changes can be tactically useful, but by and large, this will be a war of attrition... It wil come down to who wears down whom, and for what reasons does the victor hold such a strong resolve. 

We are obviously "waiting for a hero" to lead us into this battle which we know will be tougher than most struggles people have faced in their lives... But the truth of the matter is that we won't EVER manifest the vision of spiritual perfection and harmony on a collective scale unless we try. 

And in order for it to succeed, we don't just need one hero... We need an ARMY OF HEROES. Everyone is a hero to someone, even if only to themselves. We are all heroes in the making... 

But the true test of a hero isn't the ideology they spout, or the systems that they've devised, or even really about what their opinion is. 

What makes a hero a hero is that when a crisis arrives, so do they. They do not run from danger just because it's "dangerous" or "gross"... They are a hero simply because they saw a need, they stepped up to the plate, and they just did what had to be done. 

Not for the praise, or fame, or glory... ...But because something HAD to be done and they didn't see anyone else stepping up to the plate at the time of need. 

But these days, we don't really glorify heroes... In fact, we hardly mention them at all... 

Hell, it took terrorists smashing entire planes into two buildings to make us recognize the risks that firemen take on a DAILY BASIS... Now I'm not saying that they don't deserve the praise they've recieved by any means... Quite the opposite. 

But why is it that we exalt the spectaular displays, rather than admiring the quiet resolve of the "sleeping heroes"... Those who step out of the shadows when things are at their darkest hour and rise to the challenges that face SOMEONE ELSE... 

And if we continue to laugh at and degrade those who's actions are truly heroic, don't be suprised if someday one of these posts is about, "Where have all the heros gone?" 

Because, unlike some people, I actually know their out there - I've seen them in action. Their actions NEVER make the news, and, if anything, their interactions are chastized or denigrated because they "didn't do the right thing by getting the proper authorities on the matter"... 

Which is the biggest load of horseshit... If their expertise was at the levels that they would suppose, the problem wouldn't have happened in the first place, or they would have already been vigilent to the potential and they would have been readied for it. 

Heroes are heroes precisely because they instinctively react to human suffering and immediately move to alleiviate it. Not because they are "enlightened beings"or "saintly", but because they saw a real human need, and they knew they had it within them to respond to the situation. 

Being a hero isn't about trying to live up to superhuman traits or attributes, it's about character and integrity in a time of great need, and retaining those qualities while everyone else is running around in circles waving their hands like "What are we gonna do?!" 

Mostly, heroism isn't about being superhuman... It's about good old fashioned common sense... 
("Hmm... let's see... He's bleeding... Perhaps we should do something to actually stop him from bleeding..." <-- You don't have to be a medic or an EMT to understand those basics [although First Aid and other medical skills are priceless to have and impart to others]) 

But when anyone who displays an ounce of common sense is riddiculed, and the others who see the sense of it remain silent, we will only be encouraging all of those ignorant morons who always pipe up AFTERWARDS about all the things they should have, could have, and would have done... 

Because (take it from someone who's stood in those shoes more than once), a hero isn't going to concern themselves with defending themselves after the fact... They themselves are often stunned by their sudden reation... Only they aren't thinking of all of the critical crap that's being thrown at them... They are generally thinking, "OMFG... I just saved a person's life... They are still alive because of what I did..." 

And the self-based nature of such a reflection aside for the moment, all of the other criticisms and recriminations leveled at them seem rather hollow and meaningless by comparison... 

Because the hero is still reeling from the realization (thanks to our wonderfully traumatic upbringing in this society) that one person CAN and DOES make a difference. In everything they do, and in everything they say, and most especially in the way that they think. 

Because each and everyone of us holds the inherent potential to become a true hero... Even if you all occasionally need the reminder that it's possible...

Current read: The Koran for Dummies. Should have done this years ago. Tried to read the Koran several times and always give up having no understanding of it’s meaning or historical perspective. So now I'm just going to go the dummies route and really dig and try to understand this religion. In America, and most of western society, exploring other religions is commonplace. Most of the time people stick to their judao or Christian roots, but its not uncommon for people to study and even practice for some time, different Christian churches, or zen or buhddism, krishnaism or Hinduism, or Taoism or even atheism, especially when we are in college. who's not an atheist in college for gods sake? But what you don't hear about very often is people studying or exploring or experimenting with being Muslim. Lets face it. that war started in 650 AD and has continued to rage for fourteen hundred years and we’re still smack dab in the middle of it today. So you may hear about converts to the Jewish faith, or Jews who accept Jesus and call themselves judao-Christian, and you may know a lot of cool peeps who go to the local buhddist temple in their neighborhood and dig the dali lama. But what we don't hear about is people converting to the religion of Islam. So most of us don't even know what it is or what its about.

I know I've studied the hell out of it the last few years since 9/11. about the basic ideas and principles, so I could get into the heart and mind of it more; but today at church, went to a local Unity Church on the upper west side, I noticed that the minister quoted the buhdda and quoted Jesus and quoted the Tao te ching which is why enlightened minds love the unity churches – more open minded holistic all-embracing than the other churches which stick to the same old same old singular vision of it all – but I couldn’t help but notice that as holistic as the message was, he didn't quote Mohamad, or quote from the Koran. and you know, Islam is a pretty fucking popular religion and surely I thought if it has that many followers, just as any other of man’s religions, it must be filled with some beautiful things as well as scary things too. I think the problem is that because we've been fighting with them for so many thousands of years we just pretty much ignore the study of their religion. So ministers don't even quote them, but they don't have a problem say quoting Ghandi who wa a Hindu. O.k. so off to the book store to research the Koran. and lets see what happens. I'll keep you posted. I am sure it will be frightening just like all the holy books of humankind. But I am also sure it will offer plenty of insight and inspiration as well. lets face it, cat Stevens converted to Islam and cat was a pretty cool guy. so there's gotta be something there. if anything I will understand our Muslim brothers and sisters more. and maybe next time I see them slowly saw one of our fellow Americans heads off with a dull blade on live Internet TV, maybe just maybe I might have a better understanding of it all instead of just being scared shitless horrified and want to move to some remote village in Africa where at least if they kill you chances are they're doing it because they plan on eating you soon afterwards.