Stuck inside Miami with the Europe blues again

Oh boy are we like ghosts floating through the desert now children. Not supposed to be here in Miami. not supposed to be here in America. And yet here we are. The poet and I get together everyday and rehearse new songs for new albums because that is all I can think of to do to keep us inspired during this the greatest of all calamities, the tour that never was.

Our spirits are low and our poverty rate is high. (forgive me, I had to). we have no way to earn for the next few weeks because we didn't book any shows, since we thought we were going to be on tour already. Obviously. We roam the streets wondering if we are dreaming. Mouths hanging open. Perspiration pouring from our brows. Is this Amsterdam? Is this a dream? What the hell is going on? Dude I think we’re still in Miami. what? You mean this isn't Madrid? No dude, I really think we’re still in Miami. but dude, weren't we supposed to be in Barcelona or something by now? yeah. I think so. But this looks like Miami. man I need a drink. Me too.

In good news of course the song Superhero girl was released to commercial radio this week and is doing well. as well as non-commercial music on non-commercial record labels with non-commercial bands can do on commercial radio. We are in a different age now. clear channel owns the airwaves. And ticket master owns the box office. music isn't played by DJs anymore. Its programmed via satellite from one main office. oh if I ever shared with you dear diary the comments from DJs and program directors in our daily reports. How not-into music they are, and how they are just looking for the band with the next big story or the big pocket book behind them regardless of what the band actually sounds like. it is indeed a sorry state. But in all these little pockets all over America are still these raging raving pioneer DJs out there playing music because they like it. we found one in Gainesville and another one in Tallahassee, and a few others in places like Richmond and Omaha. They are out there still. if you are lucky enough to live in one of those areas where you have a maverick DJ and a REAL radio station. They just say fuck what's hot or cool or in or out, and they play it if they like it. good for them. Thanks guys.

I am noticing a feeling overtaking me---ah hah! I have finally crossed the border into the world of “I am not creating it; “its” creating for me!”---in spite of that realization intellectually, its still hard to do anything about it. a good lesson in learning tolerance for others!! ah hah! Anyway, yes this sinking drowning terrifying feeling that all is not well. wow. Its been a long time. welcome home feeling. Its been a long time since this feeling has occupied the space I call myself.

[By the way, before I forget, and before it mysteriously vanishes,
Check out this great speech by Bono at the University of Pennsylvania. 

You can watch Bono delivering his address - from the 1:56 mark - by clicking here]
It vanished. Go to their website. Its good.


A crazy week. this publicist rainmaker publicity up in Boston has fucked us. took our money, won't do any work, and won't take any of the labels or the managers calls. if you google them, which we should have done, you will see that she did this to hundreds of bands all over America. O.k. so we’re idiots. We never even bothered to check... just loved her personality. So now its going to court. And everyone spends truckloads of money to battle it out. it is a real waste of time and energy, all just because someone doesn’t want to earn their keep in the world in a legitimate fashion. I told our attorney in Massachusetts, ‘I don't care what it costs, just crush her.’ So she can’t do this to any more bands. I really cannot believe that people like this exist. I think back on all the times over the last ten years since I have been in business, when someone has screwed us over just because they knew they could. Sometimes people do it whether they think they can or not. Its like they're socipathic or something. and then when you sue them they scream and holler and kick and scream like maniacs like they don't even know why this is happening to them. its really weird and disturbing. Because you can tell that they really don't know what's happening. They get caught in their own deceptive devices as much as their innocent victims.

Between this and the whole tour fiasco, its been a crazy time to be alive in our skin. To make matters worse, I woke up to this radio promoter screaming curse words at me. actually he told me to go fuck myself. We’ll call him Masseratti. Masseratti has a reputation for being a good old boy in the biz. Doesn’t have any big name acts and works the small markets, but generally known as a nice guy. he sends our record label a blaring email because we decided to release superhero girl to alt-rock radio before we released Veronica to adult radio even though we had told them we were going to do veronica pretty soon. it wasn't that we weren't going to release veronica; but too many consultants came in with superhero girl as the first horse out of the gate. So there it was. So he was pissed that he wasn't getting the business. And he sends this pissy email. and on and on. And I question his audacity to come after us who are this obviously very small label and very small band who don't have a pot to piss in and if we’re going to spend twenty or thirty thousand dollars of our own personal money on a chance and a dream like radio then we better make sure it’s the right one. and besides, if they wanted the deal later, shouldn’t he be a bit nicer and cooler? Wasn't it worth it if in the future he was going to land a twenty thousand dollar deal for our second single? But all he could do was start screaming fuck off like some lunatic. Totally unbusinesslike and very ungentlemanly. and yes even in this twisted cursed business that the music business has turned into, I was still slightly taken aback. All I could do in return was send him an email that read: Dear Masseratti, You are a big baby and you should be ashamed of yourself. Love, Fishy

Its just been one of those weeks. What can you say.

So we’re playing with some bigger fish now, swimming in the big kids pool. And it hasn’t been easy. Everywhere you turn when you're a struggling artist there are people who are ready to pounce on you with a big smile and take what they can get from you. the poet tells me ‘man, dude, I hope you're writing all this down so if you ever do this pull this miracle of yours off then you can help other bands do it too...’ I'm like, ‘dude, if I did start writing all this shit down, about what its like in the music business for real, no one would believe me. and if they did, they wouldn’t want any part of it.’ Publicists and video directors, managers and radio promoters, who take the money and run, booking agents who book whole tours that mysteriously don't exist, record company executives who don't want to hear what you sound like but only want to ‘see the numbers,’ radio DJs who will only play your song if the guy next door is playing it or if you give them a thousand bucks a spin, video music channels who will only play your video if they're getting huge money to do so, entertainment attorneys who promise you a record contract if you give them five thousand dollars and then after your check is cleared they don't remember who you are... “what was the name of the band again?” and every time you check your email some company you’ve never heard of is promising you and every other struggling artist on the planet super-stardom for a one time payment of only $89.99. its fucking insane. And I wouldn’t believe it myself if I hadn't experienced personally over the last five years. there's this “consultant” in New York who I've known for years who rents himself out to artists for a ‘consultant fee’ that starts at fifteen hundred dollars, but he’ll never tell you what he's actually going to do for you. he just off handedly mentions a bunch of different things that might happen if things worked out. and this is how he makes his living. He mentions a few big name acts he has or hasn’t worked with and he takes the artists’ money and who knows what the hell happens. I've known him for ten years now and never heard of anything big coming out of it for anyone. Like I said, its fucking unbelievable. But that's the business.

But still, I told myself as I was driving home tonight with the wind blowing through my hair and Cyndi lauper belting out some old standards on her new CD, I still believe in this. I still believe in rock and roll. I still believe in that feeling I got when I first heard the Strokes or the Thrills or the Vines or Rufus. I still believe in it when I walk into the house and Bas has his new Ours CD cranked up to 11. or when we went to see U2 in three different cities on their last tour because it was so fucking amazing and life affirming. Somehow, in some miraculous way, some good music still manages to seep through to us. and that's the only thing that keeps me going these days. it’s the music.

Current Spin: the carter family singers, Best of. Going all the way back to the thirties and forties this does. Real Americana music. in our never ending attempt to explore every album ever made we find ourselves knee deep in the heartland on this surprisingly enjoyable 20 song collection of yee haw I've got a broken heart music. but in all seriousness, I love it. especially now after researching the fam and discovering that our American roots go so far back. this is very true true true music. much simpler times.

Complete insanity. Tour half booked half not booked we find out. agents in different countries working around the clock to put it all together. days before we are homeless. Last night I typed in our name into google along with the sleep with you CD title just to check out how our publicist was doing. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME. that's all I can say. After an hour or so of reading I felt punch-drunk. Writers still ravaging the CD to pieces for the most part, totally not getting it. after about an hour I had to flee, go outside and throw up in the streets. I recently told Juliet how easy it was to have this job... I forgot about this aspect of it. But radio promoters and fans of course constantly telling us how great it is, how many great songs are on it and how it is so hard to choose the singles because of that reason, but one would never know it from reading the magazine and newspaper music reviews. I have heard so many good things from people and read so many bad things from other people, that I just had to listen for myself. So I listened to a few tracks today for the first time in a while with headphones and I loved it. I was just kicked back and you know just loving it. Not cringing at all, like you do a lot of the time after you are finished with some project. But just grooving with it and thinking it was fucking great. Just the first few songs really. That was a wonderful feeling. I was like shit this is good. man you made a good thing there. Susanne this hip radio promoter up in NYC tells me “Fishy you gotta change that CD cover immediately. That's why you're getting the reviews that don't match up to how good this record is. I love this CD. But radio people don't care what your artwork is like. We throw it away. So that's why radio people are digging it but writers aren't. They’re reading too much into your artwork. What were you thinking anyway? Putting a naked girl on the album cover? In these times? Howard Stern can’t get away with it, and you think you can?” I'm like, “I was thinking we were making great art. That’s what I was thinking. I thought it was a really nice idea. Very sexy. Artistic.... you know?” She tells me, “You know what? Maybe if you were black... Maybe you could have gotten away with that. But a white guy? A singer in a rock band? A naked girl on your bed? And all those songs about sex? You were asking for it sweetie.” “Yeah, I don't know. I just didn't see it that way. I still think it’s the best thing we’ve ever done. Music and artwork. You really think we should change it?” “You have to. You said you want to make it commercially with this album? Change the cover. You're going to release a single now to radio? Not with that CD cover. Trust me. Change it and watch what happens....”

Drinks with a few of the boys at a local pub on Lincoln road.

Watching more of the president Reagan funeral services later tonight. I'm not one of those cynical bastards like many of my contemporaries who won't give the guy cred because of his policies that they didn't agree with, or the mistakes he made. Say whatever you want about Reagan. At least he was an honest and humble and dignified man. We had been without a leader of his caliber for almost twenty years. and we still have yet to have a president as admirable and honorable as Reagan was. One can only hope that maybe one day soon we will again. Again, I'm not hip to everything he did. But see more honor it than most I guess.

Just got home from Zekes house. Working on background vocals with trophy wife and starting mixing for the new album. we achieved something very cool tonight. a CD skipping effect I have been working on for years. this album is going to have a lot more noise on it. just long passages of noise. I think I will be happier with this album than any other. I was in ecstasy in there tonight. Really loving it. slightly bored of course and just wishing all the long hours involved in making an album were over but still loving it. I will be much happier when we have the money to go around the clock always working on recording so we can get albums done a lot faster. One guy is recording us while another is making mixes while another guy is making remixes etc... 

Ferret has taken legal action against Cleopatra and I, and Cleo emailed this morning threatening to take legal action against me unless I finished mediating process, which I want to but I have just been so busy I haven't the chance to do so. I am driving home tonight, at one point I looked at the speedometer and I was doing well over 110 because my mind was just so lost in the music I had blaring, and I was so into the mixes we just did—they sound so crystal clear and phat and out there. and then I am reflecting on the last two days and both of these guys—two of my best friends in the world of my whole life seriously—both of them just totally freaking out like this. and its all over money. it’s the three of us, but I have been the only one who hasn’t freaked out. just trying to stay calm and not freak out. everyone wants their own little share of the pie but of course there is no pie right now so anyone taking any kind of legal action is ridiculous. Looking back I should have taken legal action about a year ago when I first tried to mediate with Cleopatra and she was just a total nut case. Screaming all the time, slamming doors, being so rude to everyone. I should have just been a man and laid down the law, but I loved her so much I didn't want to hurt her. But that would have prevented a lot of this insanity that we are in now. so now my job is to try to calm them both down so we can deal with the even larger issue at hand we are dealing with now, the IRS. Both of them threatening going on legal on each other and me and here we have this major beast to battle who could bring us all down. Man its like a Shakespeare play. If they don't see what's coming, how come I do?

The situation is so funny. They are freaking out over money. But there is no money to freak out over. There just isn't any money to get right now. Now me, I'm about the poorest I've been in many many years. I'm the one who is getting nothing from all of this and I'm the one who started the company and I'm the one who is going to prob get the least, one because I have spent so much of my money already making our band’s albums, and two because I just don't care enough to fight with people I love about it. But what I find really interesting is that I have continued to give away money like I always have even though I am flat broke. 35 a month to sponsor the kid in Brasil. 100 to amnesty. 100 to our local PBS station... Handing out tens and twenties to bums when I pass them on the street still. I just loaned Mara 350 today to pay some of her bills. And seriously I have no idea how I am supposed to pay my own. But she needed it and she has a child and all. You know the thing is that I am just not going to give into this bullshit lack mentality everyone is creating right now around me. If our goal is to be successful, I mean magnanimously, uproariously successful then people better start acting like it. and stop acting like they believe this reality, or pretty soon they are going to be in a reality they can’t get out of. You can only believe your shit for so long before it really does turn into your reality for real. Know what I mean?

It is 8:21pm, haven't eaten yet. ‘what? Dinner?’ She's asking me. ‘No, breakfast, or lunch. I forgot. So busy. Fuck. But I did have a protein shake, a veggie juice and a triple shot cappuccino. So that's cool.’ Non stop work. Night and day. days are flying by---feel like they last only a few hours. Progress is happening with sleep with you album. its not like lightning, but its slowly climbing. College and modern rock radio, but only on specialty shows. No real commercial radio yet. Release date set for dec 2nd. Can you do it indie? I mean really do it as an indie? Not just like some unknown college band, but can you take it all the way? I don't know. Man we’re trying. Show coming up. very excited about that. Breaking in new drummer Cooper, no, call him Haze. He's good, passionate. he now needs to be as good as he is passionate. Reminds me of Vancouver actually. his eyes roll into the back of his head when plays. He gets fully into the music. Big-time. his timing is off though compared to the rest of his. I hope it is just because he is just rusty. And some new guitars! We are playing a full out rock show, no real mellow tunes, just rockers.


Current Spin: strokes new one. a lot of my fellow musicians not into the strokes. I don't get it. I swear they're just jealous. How can you not love these guys? And the Eels.

Today I got a call from Toronto Canada. This guy comes on the phone and tells me that I won this screenplay writing contest on a website. They’re giving me $2000 and shopping the script to Hollywood. If they sell it, they get to keep 10% of whatever they get for it. when I look at this I am just in such awe of it. we are so scrapping for funds right now to try to get this album out. And money is just coming in from the most unexpected places. Out of nowhere to help us complete it. its really quite miraculous. It really helps me feel justified in the utter insanity of emptying your life savings and maxing out your credit cards just to create a work of art that you really believe in. Its like the universe is in total flow with us. It makes me believe in magic again. When the guy called, I had to put him on hold for a second after he told me the news just so I could jump and down a few times and scream. Then of course I got back on the phone and acted all cool and calm.