Quick because I’m tired. and I'm working on other stuff. its midnight. Movie with Tuesday. Lil Sis changed her name to Tuesday. I like the new one better too. Kamran from San Fran is making the most killer remixes of our shit from the NIC album. They are effing awesome. will post to the homepage. The war still rages with Cleopatra. spoke with Bas today for the first time in weeks. good talk. A little bit distant but hopefully we are getting there. I have learned that friendships along with family and our relationship with some higher power could just be the most important thing in the universe, at least to us, here, now. I have learned that we have to cherish our friendships and that means watching what we say and do in regards to our relationships. We can’t just go shooting our mouth off whenever and however we want to. as a man that's a hard lesson to get with my temper, but I got it loud and clear. if I do ever win back my friendships with Bas and Ferret I will be blessed and thankful and will have learned some very important world lessons.

I went to that church again today. spent an hour or so talking to the minister there. just he and I. intimate. Personal. Good stuff. I love Sundays for this. just communing with our idea of God and with friends and family. quiet time. nap time. relaxing and regrouping time. can’t describe in words what this new found relationship with this higher power feels like. Really came out of the blue. Feels like heaven. Came at the perfect time. I've been going to sleep every night in this deep state of oneness with this sense of God, firmly rooted in it and bonding with it, embracing the mystery, loving the alien as bowie says,

So many girls I wanna make love with all the time all around me but still maintaining the status quo and trying to act like a gentleman.  man that's a strange one, let me tell you. two voices at play in the brain at all times. There's the ‘man I would love to kiss her, make love with her...’ and then there's that other one.... like Mel Gibson in Braveheart... “wait. Wait. Wait....” only I'm still waiting for the “NOW!!!” so I just hold back and don't do anything, knowing already from the past what the consequences could be. so I wait. But as a man it isn't easy. the woman upstairs is always falling in front of me so I can catch her. or reaching up high for things to offer a sneak preview, you know, but I play it cool. women when they’re that age, early fifties, forget about it, they know all the moves, know what they want, and know how to please. That's a Ferrari right there, made to be driven fast.  Only thing is that I've already bonded with her kids. I'm like an older brother to them.

Today the coolest thing happened. I was walking with the Indian Princess and I was going off about business and how obsessed and passionate one can be about business and being an entrepreneur in America. How challenging and yet easy it can be to make it big and become successful here. one minute you can just have this idea, and in the next you can just hit it big. She would have none of it. just wasn't interested in it. she hates talking about money. just wants to talk about art and love. And that's cool. that's her thing. so we diverge on that. I being rather obsessed with it myself, but still being into art and love as well, but just understanding that art and love are a lot more enjoyable when you are rolling in money. Anyway, right as I'm telling her all of this, we’re walking down the street and we run into the Salamander. I hadn't seen him in years. And there he was. And two minutes before I was talking about him. Using him as an example of the classic American dream.

The Salamander makes many appearances in the early years of The Adventures of Fishy. he was always a fixture at the Shattered concerts. And he was always dirt poor. Millions of brilliant ideas, but just never hit it big. And he was like probably forty or fifty when the Toad and I were still teenagers. But he went to all of our shows and was always a big supporter. And none of our friends wanted him around because they probably felt like he was too poor or whatever. it probably just brought up their own fears of being poor or being a struggling genius with lots of ideas and no money. But me and Toad liked having him around. He was cool and smart and a good conversationalist.

A few years ago I remembered him getting this idea about making these little plastic covers that go over canned beverages. They make the can sanitary to drink from right from the factory. And you could advertise on them to third parties as well. a brilliant idea. and guess what? Yep. He did it. in fact, we’re starting to see them pop up on cans all over the country. soft drinks and beers and whatever. and it was his idea. and so I see him and I yell to him, ‘hey Salamander, what's up man?! How the hell are you? how's the new business?!” And wouldn’t you know it, he's driving around in a brand new jaguar and he lives in this posh apartment on the fiftieth floor overlooking the ocean now. His business took off and now he's just totally fucking rich and successful. How awesome. That's America.

What is it about deceiving others? Even when we tell ourselves that we are being totally honest with the other person and telling them exactly how we feel... we can still feel like we are in the wrong in some way. meditating on it last night I realized that when we deceive ourselves we are still deceiving others in a way. when we aren't totally in the right with how we are being or what we are doing. Just by us being deceptive with ourselves. That's the worse crime we can commit in a way. deceiving ourselves. You can really feel it. sometimes we don't recognize what it is, but we can tell that something is there. in our space that isn't quite right. [I think that is part of what is wrong with our nation right now, with our collective conscience, is the whole Bush thing, how he got in, and how uncomfortable many of us feel by the whole thing. way down deep inside we can just feel that something is not quite right with everything that is going on, but we endure it anyway. And it makes us all feel a bit shifty and insecure inside.]

Dear Juliet,

First day of June. Wow. That was fast wasn't it? I'm telling you right now. this life is going to pass us by so fucking fast its going to be really really sad and shocking. Hang on cause we need to turn it on over-drive to make the absolute most of it.

I am in the middle of so many things right now. Totally insane. Getting ready for this tour. Film crew coming to house for three days to film this 30 minute documentary. Three days in the life of me and the boys. ‘Where he is now.’ ladies man, mans man, man about town, to borrow a phrase. Did you see Down with love yet? One of my favorites. She's going to try to get to the heart of the matter, focus on the songs and the songwriting. A cool project. I picture it more like a docudrama. Want it to be deep and surreal with no story line... and of course she is going to want it very literal and linear...like all documentaries. But I will thwart her at every moment, refuse to be filmed unless I am in the bathtub or something... And we’re packing everything I own up and putting it into storage because I sold my house. Have no place to live yet. Looking at places temp here while trying to find a place to buy in New York. With housing ridiculously high in New York. Still working every night on editing the novel. Trying to get the new single from sleep with you released here in the states, get the new album released here for a summer date, start recording the rough tracks of two more future albums before we leave. Trying to coordinate publicity, radio promo, retail store promo, posters, postcards, T-shirts, for Europe etc etc... And we leave for a two month tour abroad in less than four weeks. amongst all this I'm still just trying to be me, you know, writing songs, and rehearsing with the band and all that. My mind feels crazy by 11 pm. I lie in bed unable to sleep. Tossing and turning. But you know. Its cool. Could be worse. This is an amazing life. Just hectic.  [Might use this in the diaries. good summary really. No need to type it twice now is there... hope you don't mind my recent foray into reality TV... with you playing a starring role as of late. Just all part of the big picture.]

Anyway, at the salon today getting the old hair in shape, studying your letter with a fine tooth comb while the t-shirt lady was showing me samples of all the latest and greatest in  t-shirt trends, making huge circles all over your writing whenever I found important points. Hope you don't mind me writing on you like that. all the while trying to sit perfectly still for the stylist. How did this madness begin?

As I said we are packing up everything I own, material-wise that is, in my house to throw it into storage. And one of those things is the infamous 2nd Juliet letter. The one that caused oh so much fuss around these parts a few weeks back. needed to give myself some time to digest it. but I couldn’t put it away. just left it there on the floor for weeks. important stuff in there. intelligent life in the universe after all and that letter was the proof of that. so before I pack and leave I thought I would respond a bit since we speak infrequently. Your life is even more hectic from what I can gather.

I want to turn the wit-machine off for the remainder of this and really speak from my heart; which I so rarely do except in song. I will try. just try to respond to your own letters.

Yes I too was thrilled about our dear friend being a gay rights activist. What a God. I wonder if you ever communicated with him after I sent you his email. 

Yes I too danced around reading your letters as well. but as you know I was dancing in the bathtub.... but yes they meant very much to me as well. kindred souls. Thank God. I expected nothing less. Just took us twenty five years to get here. and it makes me very happy that you enjoy our reconnection. Makes me happy. we are learning a lot. It is like talking to God. getting some answers. Some confirmation. Some affirmation from another. it feels great.