I'm not sure if everyone is like this. but for me, I just don't know if I will ever get over that underlying nagging lonely feeling that can accompany you ever so subtly when you are, well, all alone in the world, until I am actually married with children... makes me think of the Stallion. I don't know why exactly but I believe it may be just because when we first met and started dating she too expressed a strong desire to settle down and partner up with someone. I do not forget that day at the beach when she whined (understandably so) ‘I'm tired of being alone. Of doing everything alone. I want to have a partner...’ I felt for her that day. and as time has passed for me without finding my soulmate, wife, partner in future crime, I can relate more readily with her sentiments. I pray that one day she will find someone who will love her and cherish her forever. I love her very much and know what an amazing catch she is. she deserves it.

The single life is a grand thing. it is true that if you're a guy it can be a great thing because you can taste the fruits of all the different countries of the world and that's a wondrous thing. I will never regret my single years. and I am sure when I am older and married for years and years and years and made love to my wife in every position known to man in every room in our house and our in-laws house that I will look back at these single years as something to be cherished and remembered fondly. But for the life of me I cannot shake this uncontrollable desire to partner up and begin nesting and family building with my one true love, wherever she is, whoever she is.

I am reading a collection of essays by Kevin smith, silent bob for those in the know, and it gives me hope because this guy is NUTS, and I figure if he can find a woman who loves him and accepts him with how crazy he is, then I have nothing to worry about.

Good times last night. hanging with TomCat, who now wants to be called something like Thomaso, Lil Sis (this was her idea, but says she's not committing to it so it may change), and one of her friends from school, a cat named Bret who works for Brooks Brothers as a tailor. Tom cat is obsessed with Asian women. I had never had a thing for Asian girls myself. They are certainly the current leaders in fashion now. the Asians are really stretching it. their eye is impeccable. Their fashion sense is out of this world. they are leading the pack right now. if urban culture once lead the pack in fashion, which they certainly did at one time, and still do to many, the Asians are going to revolutionize fashion soon. its happening now.

but still it was never my thing. tom cat spoke about his time in Korea as an English teacher and we all listened intently, learning a lot about what he calls that special something that is inbred in them over thousands of years that American women could never possess, in the way they know how to treat a man like a king. He speaks of them as some men speak about good cigars or fine wine or expensive cars. A gleam in his eye.

After a few drinks, I relayed an experience I had a few years back when I decided to go get a Thai massage. The ad said simply ‘Thai massage. Therapeutic and sensual.’ I had to take my chances and see what it was all about. I immediately knew something was different when as the lady instructed me to take off my clothes that she also began taking off her clothes. I was afraid to look up at her. what the hell was she doing? Never seen a masseuse do this before. I stood there in my underwear and she said ‘take those off to and get on the table.’ So I did. bare ass naked on this massage table. It was dark in the room. I didn't know what to expect. Out of respect to the varying ages and sex of my many readers I will not go into the details, but suffice it to say it was the most sensual experience I have ever had. lets say that they leave no part of your body untouched. At one point she is massaging my back with one hand, holding my foot in the other, and sucking my toes, one by one. by this time I was transported into some other universe. By the time she got to my front, she had her fingers in places in my body that my own fingers have never even been in, I'll put it that way, and another hand doing something else that I am very fond of doing on an almost daily basis. By this time I was moaning and drooling. When we were finished, when she was sure that I was entirely finished, with a big baby-smile on my face, she then wiped me off with hot damp towels, then dried me with hot dry towels, then massaged talcum powder all over my body with light fingers. She was by all accounts a Goddess to me by this time. I think I paid her double what she asked for. I had never experienced anything like that. and I must say, as weird as this may sound, this was very much not sexual. There was barely anything sexual about it, except my glorious nirvana-like climax. It was instead very sensual and therapeutic just as the ad stated. From that moment on, I finally understood the meaning of the word sensual.