There is something that happens when you are learning a language whereby there is a part of you that studies the language, the grammar, the spelling, the why and where and how, and there is another part of you that is almost more primitive that just repeats the sounds you hear without even really knowing what you're saying. its like you kick back and let go so to speak and just go with it and the language just clicks in your brain and you find yourself able to recall how to say things that you don't specifically remember studying. But its just in your brain and comes out of your mouth.

As if you're a parrot or a dog or something. one assumes that cats and dogs and other pets don't necessarily rationally think about the language that they speak or the language that humans speak. We assume that we’re just training them to sit when they hear sounds that sound like “sit” due to conditioning. They probably have no idea what's going on except that if they do it their master will be happy and if they don't do it their master will be mad and they will be in trouble. We can learn a lot from this style of learning, as it relates to learning other languages. Mocking or mimicking the language without breaking each word down and their meanings. Just let go and spit out sentences as you hear them. I am surprised how much it seems to help.







Spent all day on napster and itunes and real rhapsody checking out all the new music. real rhapsody is fucking awesome although there is a lot it doesn’t have. (although not for us as artists because we only get a few cents everytime someone plays one of our songs as opposed to itunes where we get like 65 cents per song downloaded – but then again, who wants to download if you can just go to rhapsody or napster and listen as much as you want to and pay one monthly fee?) I am liking this a lot as a music fan. great for singles. Not good if you like whole albums. but then again, most artists are not creating whole great albums, though some are. for groups that you just want to check out this is an awesome feature and well worth the ten bucks a month. Over all I think digital downloading is coming along quite nicely. I still agree that peeps who download or listen for free without permission are creeps and weasels and should be punished as criminals since what they are doing is criminal. But really now, there is no need to do that with rhapsody and napster out there. anyone can afford ten bucks a month.



Anyway so I'm checking out the new bands and artists and no wonder so few bands and even established artists can break these days. There is so many bands out now. its overkill. Total over saturation. The only stuff we notice is the stuff that's shoved down our throats by powers that be with tons of money. all the bands now sound like the early eighties. They call it the eighties revival. Listening to sterephonics. This is flock of seagulls. The bravery. This is just new order mixed with u2 and kajagoogoo etc. the killers have been making fun of and insulting the bravery which is quite hilarious because both bands have the same sound, sounding like out takes from the cure. one band says the other is the real thing etc.... this is really funny how much all these bands sound like the eighties and like each other and although slightly original they still are sounding like other bands with not a lot new to offer. (there is great original music out there. lots of it. muse is great and sounds like only muse except for the fact that they also sound like Buckley Radiohead ours remy zero. But that's just because they are all coming from the same place. but still, when muse comes on you know its muse. And there is way more original music than that but I'm just talking about bands that people may have heard of.)

I must confess that I like the killers because they write good songs, but its uncanny how much it sounds like some lost early eighties bands like the cure. there is even a famous blur song with the same lyrics as girlfriend/boyfriend etc... same chorus.

You know, I wasn't old enough to make music in the early eighties but towards the end of the eighties I was and my first album came out in the late eighties when I was still a kid and for me then it was just about finding my ability, wasn't a lot of thought that went into it. I could barely play an instrument or make music. I didn't know how to sing or that people even knew how to sing. back then I didn't like the idea of sounding trendy or like everyone else on the radio so I tried hard not to, and now that that same exact sound is back I still don't like the idea of trying to sound like that. even though we are always and have always been advised to try to sound like what's currently happening at the time. that's been the curse of my entire career so to speak, but then again, maybe its been a blessing.

There is this record exec in nyc for a large indie label who advises us at times, tells me to listen to what's in right now while we are recording our new CD, and as well in regards to our last one. that we need to check out the sound that is hot right now. I think we all appreciate the advice. But if that means sounding like everyone else, like all these other eighties revival lookalike soundalike bands, then that's not our scene. We make music that we like. We just do what comes out of us. there is this tendency in the music biz like in all art-businesses to do what everyone else is doing. Two years ago there were hundreds of songs that came out that tried to sound like crazy in love. Hundreds of bands that tried to look and sound like back street boys or nsynch or Britney spears. when you say staind or disturbed or nirvana or creed or pearl jam or 3 doors down or matchbox or green day you can immediately think of hundreds of other bands that sound like that. get ready for hundreds of songs that are going to try to sound like hollback girl because that is such a good song.

But for me, I'd rather just keep doing what I do and even more trying to Stretch the boundaries of what that sound is. I know I know, people keep saying Fishy you have to try to find one sound.... but as a listener and as an artist I find it very unfulfilling. People are constantly commenting on coldplay right now good an bad which is a good thing because people are talking. that means people are paying attention. and how could they not. they're everywhere. the promo budget on that album had to have been around 3 to 5 mill. But speed of sound sounds almost exactly like clocks except just not as good. almost as good but just AS good. but you have to love Chris. He just comes off so sincere that you cannot help but forgive his current love of this particular sound. lets face it, the more experimental you are, the less accepted you are going to be, the less well known to the masses. and yet... I think of hollaback girl as a great example of a rather experimental sounding song, or work it by missy Elliot... and yet its so hot you just gotta love it. so who the fuck knows. it still fits into the framework of contemporary pop though. That's the key really. Experiment but keep it accessible. Don't go off the map so much that people can’t relate to it.

With me the other night I had this visions pop in my head, the other morning actually.

GEMS music and film festival for two days.

The faster we move, the faster we ‘get there.’ if you are encountered with a decision that you need to make, deciding what to decide could be the hardest part, and cause some stress, but once you make the decision, then it just comes down to taking the action. The longer you wait to take the action the longer you remain stressed. Not easy sometimes, but the faster you take that action, the faster you get to the next place. and although it is challenging sometimes to honor our knowing and the decisions we must take from that knowing, there comes a settling into a higher place of peace from it. be rest assured.

Last screening: belle de jour. The French classic. Proves once again that the French are creative if not completely degenerate.

Languages of the World 

With close to 7,000 languages in the world, the ones shown below are spoken by the most people. 

(Native speakers only) - (their primary language) 

Chinese Mandarin 874 million 
Hindi 366 million 
English 341 million 
Spanish 323 million 
Bengali 207 million 
Portuguese 176 million 
Russian 167 million 
Japanese 125 million 
German 100 million 
Korean 78 million 
French 77 million 
Chinese, Wu 77 million 
Javanese 75 million 
Chinese. Yue 71 million

You see its tricky. I thought that I was spending all these years learning all of the most popular languages in the world so I could increase my communication with as many people as possible, and sure English and Spanish and even Portuguese pop up in the top ten, but you don't see Italian or French... so o.k. I'm not completely wasting my time. But still, the results are surprising, no? I mean, 874 million people speak Chinese? And then Hindi? Wow. that would be a Stretch. To learn those languages. One could do it. certainly. But it wouldn’t be a three month crash course that's for sure.

Good brunch this morning with friends. Took it easy the rest of the day. studied French mostly. Still cannot get it under my skin no matter how hard I try. the other day someone in the studio was speaking in Portuguese. had been a while since I had heard it. was music to my ears. It sings to me. reminded me of what that is like. To be sung to because a language resonates so deeply with your soul. Italian does that to me as well. although I speak Spanish, I cannot say it has the same effect on me. and neither does French. just can’t get it to sing to my heart. But I will learn it anyway. The question for me is is it possible to learn a language for practical reasons and not have it sing to your soul? I guess I already answered the question, with Spanish. But it is certainly easier when the language has a profound effect on you when you hear it as Italian or Portuguese does. Even with the French music. just doesn’t kill me like Brasilian or Italian music does. I'm pretty sure I've heard it all now and it just isn't knocking me over. Its nice and all, but nothing spectacular. Would love to hear something spectacular coming out them...

Last screening: million dollar baby. Wow. No wonder. This really was the movie of all movies. You know, Clint could have easily taken it. Jamie did a great job for sure but now after seeing this... Clint could have taken it and justifiably so. he was that good. this is a must see. Of course you spend most of the second half the film crying your eyes out. the whole theatre was literally sobbing and I don't mean tearing. I mean audibly sobbing. Like shock. Very good. no wonder hillary took the Oscar. It was a no brainer.

Took a long walk tonight. lots of stuff going on. Needed to sort things out. nothing like a long walk down the New York city streets at night.

Learning a language that does not use our alphabet is difficult. It is being thrown into water but never being taught to swim. It is driving blindfolded. It is a bike for the first time without training wheels...

There is nothing to hang onto because the alphabet is not the same. The letters are not the same. They don't look the same. They don't even use the same numbers we do... quick: think of the letter three/3. now picture it: 3. right? right. no. wrong. They DON'T FUCKING HAVE THAT!!! 3 DOES NOT EXIST TO THEM!!! CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THAT??? HOW FUCKING AMAZING IS THAT??? there is no 3. there is the word three but in their language, and there is the number 3 but it doesn’t look like that... it looks like something I cannot even type. Totally fucked up.

So you're really out there in a whole other world, as one assumes you are when learning an Asian language such as Chinese or Japanese. Persian looks like script. More like designs. 32 letters instead of our 26. but only one vowel which has six different sounds to it depending on its context, so you could say it has 37 letters... depending on how you look at it.

What I am having to do with it is just listen and try to repeat it... just learning the flow of it.. the sound of it. as if it is poetry or lyrics to a song... this is why I am so good at learning languages... I hear them as lyrics to songs... and through that I am able to get inside of it, or get it inside of me...

Depressed today. from no money. can’t shake it. being broke can very much can affect how you feel. working very hard. Looking for an opening somewhere... some point one of these many projects is going to pay off. And then bam, like a rocket to the moon. I've been here before and I've been to the top a few times. so I know this state very well. know not to take it too seriously. but man, I hate running out of clean underwear. That's not the worst. The worst is not being able to buy food for a few days. living on protein shakes and soup and coffee for three days. and also, having to walk forty blocks in the middle of the night with your fucking 20 pound briefcase over your shoulder because you don't have any subway or cab money. that's the worst. But not having underwear for a week... that's not easy...

But French is going well. still a bitch. But getting there. I just struggle through it everyday and try to enjoy it, my mind struggles hard to keep up.... keeping my eye on the prize, that one day it will all seem easy and no problem and the language will flow out of my mouth like any other.... if only they didn't speak with their mouths closed the whole fucking time. they have like three fucking vowel sounds in their whole language so its impossible to understand what the hell they are ever saying...

I'll tell you, I think its something that you're just born with, but I get so much out of learning new languages. Its just a huge passion of mine. Imagine being at the point where you have studied and are semi-fluent in all four major Latin languages (forget Romanian – not practical so that one’s out – although the Romanian women are fucking unbelievably beautiful.) I've got three of them down now good enough to get by, and then moving on to Hebrew (have to; one of the most important people on the planet for some reason, God’s chosen people if you will, so I feel a strong calling to that one next), and then eventually sliding into an Asian language. For fun and also because they're becoming so prominent in the world now and in America as well. Either Chinese or Japanese I figure after Hebrew. (Probably Chinese since it looks as though they will soon own America since they already own more American treasury bonds than any other country in the world.) So by the time you're say forty years old you're just like this cosmopolitan motherfucking international man of mystery like no other and can communicate with peeps from all over the world. That's where I'm headed if I keep at it. I joke that if I never make it at anything else I can always become an interpreter. Or if a world war ever breaks out at least I know I'll get an office job and not be on the battlefield. Me on the battlefield, now that's a funny thought...
“Shoot him.”
“I'm not going to shoot him. you shoot him.”
“Fishy shoot him. he's headed right towards you.”
“So what? I'm not taking that karma on my soul man. You fucking shoot him.”
“Fishy shoot goddamn it!”
“Listen man, I'm not afraid of my next life. I'm looking forward to it. let him shoot me and I'll cruise up into the cosmos for a while and check shit out from up there. you shoot him if you want to. I'm getting the fuck out of here...”
One observation on languages: once you learn a language you do not forget it. its there. lodged in the old noggin I notice. What you do lose first is your ability to speak it effectively, but if you read it or listen to music in that language you notice that you can still understand it. You know what's being said. So the comprehension is still there. Just not the ability to speak it as smoothly. One would just need to re-immerse into it and practice the speaking of it to get the vocab back on the tongue. This is a good thing.

And have I mentioned yet today that the iPod is the greatest thing in the world and has totally revolutionized my life? well I'll say it again. I will never mind walking or exercising or taking the subway again. the ipod makes life a fucking living breathing exciting movie. With your own unique soundtrack.

One thing I do notice lately is that I get the idea for something and then it appears, faster than ever before. its like instant manifestation lately... like with the new company playersearch.com, I got the idea that I wanted to pursue that again and then the same day an investor called. Wanted some songs from the new CD remixed in a cool dance style and met this guy last night who was totally into the idea and begging to send him tracks. Thought about how cool it would be to have a new article that kind of summed everything up about me, rather than just about me as  the singer in transcendence, you know, like I was picturing this sort of in depth article summing me all up... just not me as the singer in the band, but about everything that I am and everything that I do, a more holistic overview of who I am at this stage... man you know so I could chill for a while, take it easy... but still have that out there doing its thing... not sure how to explain it, but a kind of up to the minute summarization of where I am at this point... and I swear to God, this was just a thought, just a flash in the mind... and then the next day I get this call from the nyu student writing a paper about me. so that's magic at play in the universe. So now I can chill so to speak, breathe out. Lean back and let it go. good things. instant manifestation. Very good things.

It is fucking freezing in New York right now. inside my apartment is freezing. Outside it is even colder. I cannot sleep because I am too cold...

CURRENT CONDITIONS
New York, NY
Updated 10:12 AM EST
Sunny
Temp: 12°F (-11 C)

I continue to work ten projects at a time... pounding... just fucking slamming... one project will pay off. Everything I touch turns to gold. And then bam!

A few weeks into French class here in the city. the teacher is very good. really cares about each person learning the language. I have noticed that I have started to hear this voice in my head singing the language like a song this week. For the first time since I started really studying the language, which began in earnest last march at that retched fucking school in Miami, I’ve noticed that I am now starting to subconsciously translate things I hear in English on the street throughout my day into French; just for fun. this is what we do when we are children, when we are learning our own native language (our own native language.... that's redundant isn't it?). And now my subconscious mind is doing it in French. this a good thing. I commented the other day in class that French is the Mt. Everest of languages. There is nothing logical or practical or that makes sense about this language phonetically. These people were just fucking crazy when they developed this language amongst themselves. Just off in left field all on their own... But I will master it. I can see that now. I am getting it.

It is so beautiful. if you could just hear what this number sounds like in French: “six-cent-soixante-seis.” 676. just fucking beautiful and its just a number. Its pure poetry.

Thinking about when you're learning a foreign language and how some phrases don't make sense. It can throw you. if you try to use logic, forget about it. like in Spanish when they say “I dreamed with you last night” instead of “I dreamed about you.” or they “get off” the car. Instead of “get out of the car.” Or in Italian when they say “I have a need for such and such” instead of “I need...” this morning some lady calls me and says in English “give me a call.” I think “give me a call?” that makes no sense. But we’re used to it. so we take it for granted. Just like any other language.

[a serious sacrifice you say? Uh yeah, giving up sex in order to be monogamous with a women you haven't even met yet? I would say... that's pretty fucking serious... its not just that you idiot. you aren't just doing it for her. Be real with yourself for once. You're doing it because you are finally growing up. you are doing it to honor yourself. 

You are becoming an honorable person, whether you like it or not.... well whatever. it still sucks. Giving up sex no matter what the reason is just sucks... for God sakes its sex. what could be more important than sex? O.k. lets see. Quick, most important things in the world. Oh that's easy. Sex. no seriously. I'm being serious. [my God I'm doing it again. a total fucking conversation with myself. And I have to listen to this conversation. So I'm listening to this conversation? Who then is me? if I'm having a conversation with myself and I'm listening to this same conversation at the same time... holy shit. Is this what they meant in college when we studied schizophrenia? So that's my fucking problem. Well that explains a lot. Holy shit I'm doing it again.... fucking Christ. I'm a fucking schitzo. Well at least we know now. who the fuck is we? Someone make a note. 

On this date, this year, this moment, Fishy finally realizes that he is fucking nutcase... I could have told you that all along. Can you please shut up so we can continue? ] O.k. so where we were we? Oh yeah the most important things in the world to humans.... that's easy: To men, its sex, to women its money. no go deeper. Don't be an asshole. Fine. Most important things: of all time? THE MOST important??? Yes. o.k. number one definitely freedom. Or love. Maybe they're tied for first place. would you rather be free and have no love in your life or be loved but like be in prison or something? me? neither. I'd rather die in either case... right. of course. Me too. of course you would. You are me. and I am you. Remember? Yeah I know but just play along. Its easier that way. just go with the flow bro... But if you had to choose. I would choose being free and trying to find a way to love myself. Brilliant answer. Thank you. You’re welcome. To me freedom by far would be the most important thing. Ah yes you say that. But you are freer now than you have ever been and you are dying as you say from a lack of love. Yes that is true I am seriously fucking dying. O.k. so what if you could have love in your life but you had to like work a regular nine to five job that you hated like everyone else? I don't know man, tough call. That would slowly kill me too. Total lack of freedom there. Or even worse, what if you had to be in prison for this love? Easy, I would rather have my freedom... o.k. so what's next. You got freedom and love. What else? Money. Second place is definitely money. And then what? Health. You're putting money above health? O.k. maybe not. Maybe money and health are tied for second place then. You and your fucking ties for everything. you never want to choose a favorite. I'm a Libra. What can I say? That's just the way that I am. Yeah you say that but think about Christopher reeve. Don't even tell me for a second that he would choose money over being able to walk again. o.k. fine, health second and then money third. O.k. so what's next? God who really cares after that. if you have freedom and love and money and health... who fucking cares after that...]

Tonight I have a date with an Italian girl. There are two girls now that I have been hanging out with. I am trying hard to change this shyness thing I have. So I have been trying to talk to girls a lot more. I just figured it won't kill me so I will try. And now look. Cool. But the problem is that when I do date a girl who I don't immediately think is “the one” I start to feel uncomfortable. I don't know why exactly. But maybe this is limiting me because I don't go out with that many girls because I figure why bother if she isn't the one. maybe its just that my desire for finding a wife and having a children is stronger than anything else, stronger for instance than my desire to hang out with someone just for fun. And the worst part is that lately I started thinking that I wanted to kind of save myself for the woman that I will totally love and worship. Again, this is crazy thinking. there are still a few things sexually that I want to do before I settle down. I want to do it with like two three four girls at the same time. and more than once. I want to be in a few massive orgies with tons of hot girls. And also with some fat girls too. that would be tons of fun. I've never done that. and I think I should probably do this stuff before I get married I would think. Yes definitely. Maybe I should head to Amsterdam from here and go off a bit. Get it out of my system. 

I went out last night with these other two girls. Students from school. One is from England and one is from Ukraine. And it was so much fun. I really enjoy hanging with the Ukraine girl because we are just totally different. Different cultures. And I'm old enough to remember life during the cold war times so I feel so lucky that we can hang out now, whereas before we could not. She is very stylish. And she teaches me a lot about Russia and the Ukraine. She speaks no English. Our communication is in Italian. Things are not totally cool there yet. she cannot travel to America yet because she is young and she is a girl and they are very afraid to let people travel to America because they think they will stay there and never come back home. So they aren't as free as they want to be yet. But they are on their way. its really quite beautiful.  

I love learning other languages. I feel like it really helps tear down the separation that exists between us all as humans. We are all so similar. I feel more and more connected the more languages I learn. And the more I learn about the different countries and cultures of the world. When I get back to the states I will re-enter life as a gringo in Miami [the word gringo actually means “foreigner” --- usually refers to the white man—the invading white people who conquered the America’s---so this is funny that in Miami we are referred to as “gringos.” But it is the just the nature of what the city has turned into now. and really that is kind of a beautiful thing. I mean, that's America—the penultimate melting pot.] I will take some more classes in Spanish at a local school to really nail it when I return. its not fair of me to live there and still speak Spanish so poorly. Some people complain about Miami and how everyone speaks Spanish there now. they think that English should be the official language of the United States. I think this is truly a hilarious concept. Imagine the ignorance of this. America was “discovered” (conquered really) by an Italian (who spoke Italian not English) who was sponsored by the Spanish (who spoke Spanish of course), not the English. And the country is made up of people from all over the world---think Little Haiti, China Town, Little Italy, Little Havana. I don't like this idea of America having an official language... if we’re really going to try to force an official language on America then let it be the official language that was already here for thousands of years before we conquered it---the various native American languages. I will learn French next. I Next summer I will do the whole live in France thing just like I did here. Although I have heard from everyone here that they aren't so nice over there. especially not to Americans. They don't care if we are trying to speak their language or not. But we shall see. I do pretty well. after that, i will have french down enough hopefully to be able to travel through northern Africa and be able to communicate with them and get by. This will enable me to be able to study the music and culture of the north western countries of Mali and Ghana. This is a music I am very passionate about. After that I will have the Latin languages studied and then I would like to move into an Asian one.... I think that would be really awesome. Their culture is so different. I think we have a lot to learn from them. china is the next big thing. in our lifetime we will see it I believe. So Chinese it will probably be. 

[when I see old people all hunched over I wonder what the hell happened to them? did they see it coming? Did they notice it as it started? Could exercise have helped? Chiropractic? Massage? Martial arts? Stretching? How can we stop this? I don't want this to happen to me. I do not want to get old.]

O.k. so today in class the conversation for some reason led to talking about Bush and the Iraq thing and the power outages in America this weekend. I just listened. There are ten different countries represented in my class and they all had the same opinion. They were against the invasion of Iraq by America. They are against Bush, and they think we need to follow the UN like everyone else is supposed to. I listened and tried to understand as much as I could what everyone was saying. they all compared notes as to how many American military bases each of their countries had. Italy has the most. Which is funny because they are the most “America resistant” next to the French and then Germany. Here in Italy you see anti-America graffiti everywhere. In every city. things like “Bush is a pig” to “No more support the Americans” to “No war” etc.... this is really an amazing thing when you think about it. how quickly that technology has unified humanity all over the world.

The war is for oil 

No more service or support of the Americans

Make love, don't make war, we want peace, for the whole world

I wondered as I rode through the streets if people back home had any idea how bad the world sentiment had become against us in America. you think we had it bad before, when the rest of the world was just jealous of us and everything that we have over there. now they actually have a reason for their hostility. We’re giving them ammunition....

I have finally reached that next big step with the language. Last night. it is one of those milestones when you are learning a foreign language. I now understand most of what I hear, but cannot speak as well I would like to. Whereas up until this point I spoke much better than I could understand. For truly anyone can take a few weeks and learn to sound good speaking in a foreign tongue. Actors do it all the time for films. but this doesn’t mean that you can understand or really communicate in the language. So normally because I have such a good ear I can learn to speak in a few weeks and because I speak so well everyone thinks I understand what they are saying and really I don't understand a damn word they are saying. but now its switched and I understand what's going on but I just can’t communicate like I want to. I still form my sentences wrong almost every time. It is very frustrating. We have six verb tenses in English. There are fourteen to learn in Italian. And with each verb and each tense there are six different conjugations of that verb. So you want to learn how to say “learn” you have 84 different words for it depending on who is learning and when they are learning. Ridiculous. But true. you have to remember all of them. So yes I still sound like Tarzan. I told my teacher ‘wait till you learn English. The verbs are easy. In fact it can’t get easier. But wait till you try learning to read, spell, or pronounce. You’re fucked in English if you aren't raised speaking it. Take the word ‘foreign’ or ‘tongue’ or ‘garage’ off the top of my head for instance, and there are millions of them. Impossible to sound out phonetically. That's the hardest part to learning English. Luckily in the Latin languages we don't have that problem. You don't need flash cards or anything. You just say it like it looks. 

Don't know why I am so shy still. I really fucking hate it. Especially when I am in a foreign country when I don't speak so well. I find it very hard to speak up and say hello to people. I really hate this and want to change it about myself. I have to start with baby steps and just start trying to start more conversations with people or at least say hello. I spend so much time alone because of this shyness. People think I am outgoing, which is funny. Because I am not. Too serious all the time. need to loosen up and lighten up and open up more. 

Romance Languages

Last night a kind of shock. Severe jet lag. It is so hot and there is no air conditioning. Finally got to sleep at about 6:03 in the morning. And then had to wake up at 8 for class. This sucked. Watched my mind race. So I am exhausted. Too tired to eat. Or think. Today class was easier. I am thinking and dreaming in Italian already. o.k. more like, I am translating in Italian in my thoughts and in my dreams. which is a good sign. The take off for Italian has been very fast because of knowing the basic forms of the other romance languages. Today was the take off so to speak. It all just kind of poured out. I sound like Tarzan but I am forming sentences and find myself translating more from Spanish than from English because they are so close. 

Without Spanish and Portuguese this would be much more challenging time—as it is for the other students who do not know those languages but say only German or Swiss German or even the English or Scottish. Because I just really don't know Italian at all. It is actually very funny at this point how little Italian I know. I am like an idiot walking around who cannot communicate. But if someone doesn’t speak English I ask them if they speak Spanish and a lot of times they do, and when I hear Portuguese of course it is a welcome sound, so then I can ask them directions or other things like “where the fuck am I right now? And how can I get back to the school before I go crazy?”

I am taking four hours per day plus another hour of one on one in the afternoon. And then after dinner I am studying another hour or so. I just need to get to that point where I feel like I can communicate clearly. There is that first one thousand words thing. I don't know maybe that's me but I do notice that generally there is that first one thousand or so words you need to learn in any language to feel comfortable. Your Basic verbs like “to know, can, see, come, go, I am, etc..” and then a bunch of connecting words like “but, until, maybe, we’ll see, how, when, also, help, etc etc...” once you get these, you're in. Then you just learn to conjugate the verbs etc. easy breezy.

So today in my afternoon class my professor was going crazy, because he wanted to teach me in this structured way but I was just all over the place asking him all these words and phrases that are part of “the one thousand” because in the morning classes I already have four miserable hours of structured classes, so he is like “you are all over the place, you can’t learn Italian in one day!” and I said, “I know, but I can learn in two days.” And he did not laugh. Like I said, it is a lot easier once you know one of the other ones. Its more like you guess and you get damn close if not dead on. Compared to if you're just learning one for the first time.

So today was the first day that I felt like actually sight-seeing rather than just trying to find the basic needs like grocery store and restaurant etc. because after all this is the best site seeing in the world. So I just start walking. Holy fuck. You know you just turn around and your standing in front of the Statue of David (the copy in the place where it used to stand for the last five hundred years—they moved the original a few blocks away indoors because of the weather and vandals) And you look at whoever is standing next to you and you are like is that what I fucking think it is? And of course they are standing there with their mouths hanging open too staring straight up at it and you just kind of stand there for some time the bunch of you staring straight up at it like holy shit. ‘Can you take a picture?’ And everyone tries to stand there looking cool in front of this incredible statue. And they’re just everywhere. All these famous statues from the 13 and 14 and 15 hundreds and even earlier some of them. or you are walking around and thinking about  what am I going to eat later and then you look up and you see this mammoth church that is like something out of star wars or something and then you turn around and you realize you are in this ancient plaza from the 1030’s surrounded by all these famous statues. It just freaks you out. We just don't have anything like that in America. We have “look kids, it’s the very first McDonalds, built in 1944.... c'mon lets take a picture.” It just really gives you perspective.

I was so moved; I just walked around with my mouth open. Like holy shit, this is why all these people are here. This is why I am here. And that is the first time that it struck me consciously the idea of living here.

I knew there was something very vulgar and distasteful about malls and stripmalls. I just didn't realize that there were already such brilliant and beautiful alternatives in existence (except new York of course.) Florence is brilliant and beautiful.

I have to find a way to make a living. For real. That is the only glitch. I still don't make enough money from my music. the bitter fucking irony. I dreamed of this struggle. But I never knew it would be such a struggle—When I was young and reading about all the great artists. I romanticized about the struggle of course but I secretly told myself that it would never happen to me, but at the same time, it hasn’t been that bad. Time has passed quickly and the reward of making great music that makes me feel good has always outweighed the struggle. But I need to make money, so I can continue to live, so I can make music. What a funny circle it is. Whatever. It’s true.

You walk everywhere. My feet hurt. I have blisters on my feet from sandals. After a while I will get a bike, and then maybe a scooter for going farther away or faster. 

Intensely studying Italian and Italy now to prepare for this trip. Listening to it 24/7, studying the grammar, pronunciation and rules. Studying the maps and the history and the politics. I've been through this drill before. With Portuguese and then with Spanish. So I have a system that works well I think. You attack the language and the culture and the country and the music and literature voraciously all at the same time. You immerse yourself in it for a year or so, go to school here; take eighty or so hours in the language in your home country first. Buy all the famous albums from the last fifty years or so.  And then you go there and live and go to school and just soak it in. 

O.k. great. So then I'm doing this. I'm standing on this log out in the middle of Biscayne Bay with this Italian book in my hand screaming Italian out into the deep blue sea trying to memorize all the different words and then I had this thought/realization. As morbid as it seems, I just kind of looked at myself from a far, like at the big picture of it, at how much time I spend and have spent learning and soaking all this stuff in and then you think….. For what? 

[Benjamin Franklin learned to speak four foreign languages—I think he was my archetype when I was really little I had had heard about him and just really related to him in that way. If you're going to be a brainiac or a renaissance man, and by all means there is certainly no rule that says that you should be, you need to learn at least five languages, be good in music, invent a few things, be an accomplished writer, or man of letters at the least—these days one can assume just a decent man of emails would suffice, be a successful entrepreneur, and of course be quite the ladies man as long as you can before you settle down. Of course Da Vinci  and Michelangelo and Plato and Socrates were homosexual, so perhaps you don't necessarily have to be a ladies man... I think old Ben had one up on the other fellows in this department.] 

But I mean in the bigger picture what is it all for? I mean once we’re dead we’re dead. Why go through all this trouble? To always be learning all this stuff? It feels so productive. But then I started thinking about it and it's not like I'm building anything or creating anything really. I'm just shoving stuff into my own head. I think it would be different if I was building homes for the homeless like Jimmy Carter or trying to stop rainforest destruction like sting or something. But really I'm just trying to get more knowledge… man what a twisted sick realization.