The artisan came over this afternoon. Spent some time hanging with the fam and then the two of us snuck off to hang out and catch up at a nearby coffee shop. we were both so excited the last two months to see each other and spend time together this Christmas, as we had last year. but just a little over a week ago, the artisan met someone. Like really met someone. A someone she thinks she may really like and be with. She told me yesterday afternoon at about 5. when we got off the phone I was in such shock that I just fell asleep right where I was laying on the living room floor. I think my body or mind just needed to sleep it off, because I was so looking forward to being with her. I was kind of in shock a little. I hadn't even really taken any of the girls I was seeing in the last few weeks very seriously because I just didn't have the free attention. So much of it was on the artisan and how much fun we would have.
So today she came over. She went on a date with the guy we will call bachelor number two last night. when we saw each other it was very nice. and sweet. And tender. We got into the car and she asked me immediately, so how do you feel? About what? I feel good. about the situation silly. about us. how do you feel? well, I feel very happy for you, like one of your best girlfriends. and I feel very sad like my heart has been crushed. But its o.k. I'm big enough to hold both identities and not be mad or take it out on either of us.” She said, “I'm just so glad that we can be such good friends. And talk like this. and really be real and honest about it.” “well me too. I love you very much and I'm happy for you. but can I just say this. I leaned up in my seat to face her. “I was just really really longing to be with you. I was longing for you so much the last two months and I couldn’t wait to see you. so this will just take some getting used to.” a tear fell from beneath her sunglasses. “I was longing for you too. you just can’t plan things like this.” I know. you can’t. we’ll deal with it.
it is true that I longed for her for the last two months. We have the best time when we are together. We never stop laughing. And we share very tender moments together. She is not knowledgeable about the same kind of things. we aren't going to sit and discuss renaissance art or jean luc Goddard films or politics, that's just not her. She's a desert Princess. Loves shopping and makeup and going to the spa. but she is very intelligent and enlightened, so she can understand anything and partake in the most profound conversations about consciousness and truly not only ‘get it’ but add to ‘it.’ I was looking forward to lying for hours with her naked body holding her and hugging her and talking.
In the café we discussed this newest situation we have found ourselves suddenly faced with and laughed about it. she shared with me how hard it was for her last February at wizards when she realized after our glorious Christmas and new years together that she would have to share me with a few other girls from various countries who I was also very close to. how crushed she was. But how she got over it simply because we sat and talked about it. we talked about a potential future together and realized that it would just never work. She's an early bird, and I'm a night owl. She doesn’t want any more children and I know for sure that at least I want to have 2 or 3. not now, but someday. So right there for us that pretty much decided it for us. we just knew that as much as we liked each other it just wasn't something we should continue to explore.
