O.k. here's the deal. Wine red makes you sad. No I take that back. red wine makes me sad. I was jamming on this new vox ac-30 I bought. You know the one. what a beast. [for clean only] and I'm eating this whole thing of brie while I'm jamming and drinking this bottle of red wine. And now its like an hour later and I swear to God I feel like fucking killing myself. I remember feeling this way before but maybe just never noticing that it was the wine. Francis told me that white wine makes you crazy. her grandmother told her that so who the fuck knows really. But I would rather be crazy than sad. Its just this kind of heavy depression that is following me from room to room. I must try white wine tomorrow and see what happens.

Today I think I actually started to understand a little French in class. The biggest prob is that we are in Miami and not in France. So every one is speaking in Spanish the whole time. so I'm just trying to keep up with the Spanish in the class, rather than focusing on the French so seriously I walk away thinking in perfect Spanish and not in French at all. I guess that's a good thing for the old Spanish but not if I want to really learn French.

Yes so this red wine thing... I have also noticed that it makes you feel dumb. Red wine. Don't like it too much. Its not like drinking hard liquor at all. like whiskey or vodka.... where you feel wild and alive. This red wine feeling is too mellow and dumb for me. its like it numbs you out. but not in a good way. in a sad creepy way. I guess it would be good if you were using it to balance a serious coke buzz or something. [I don't remember his name but I remember that quote from the guy from goo goo dolls who said that he was finally able to quit drinking when he realized that he had to quit doing coke because the only reason he was drinking so much was because he was doing so much blow. I just thought that was hilarious.... I mean, how out of touch can you be??? ‘Man I know I can quit drinking if I could just quit doing so much coke...’ lol. Classic. Hey that's rock and roll the life.]

G2 says:
who will place the order?
talk to me minnie driver says:
i guess i will
talk to me minnie driver says:
just send me good files
G2 says:
i will email the files to you
talk to me minnie driver says:
check for diaries. a few that got left behind I think
G2 says:
ok
talk to me minnie driver says:
tell me if you find them...
G2 says:
let me email the files and I'll upload diaries
talk to me minnie driver says:
you received
talk to me minnie driver says:
diaries
G2 says:
Stand by
talk to me minnie driver says:
did you receive?
G2 says:
dude the best fucking entry ever!
talk to me minnie driver says:
      which?
G2 says:
Nice man
talk to me minnie driver says:
which? What are you talking about>?
G2 says:
the french dude & johnny depp
G2 says:
the gun incident, all of it. good shit. You're a writer now.
talk to me minnie driver says:
cool
G2 says:
the quotes OMG the quotes are great
G2 says:
the quotes are hilarious
talk to me minnie driver says:
did you read the british rock star one? the guy was classic
G2 says:
Who is it?
talk to me minnie driver says:
i can’t say actually, promised I wouldn’t
G2 says:
No. too bad. Prob one of those wankers from Radiohead or one of those other brit bands you like
talk to me minnie driver says:
I’m becoming a writer right before our eyes from practicing everyday at it. its about fucking time. I've only been at it for twenty fucking years. lol
G2 says:
i saw a guy reading a book this morning in the subway
G2 says:
and thought about fishy as a book
G2 says:
i just saw this gringo reading, and had this vision of The Adventures of Fishy as a real book and not just you writing on the net... you gotta do it
talk to me minnie driver says:
yeaah!!!!! That would be cool. But I'm too fucking lazy. Its easier just to scribble and send to you every few days. I'll die in poverty, a complete unknown. Because I'm so lazy
G2 says:
I'm going to publish your book for you. and make all the money from it.
G2 says:
LOL
G2 says:
     Don't worry. I’ll give you some money every now and then as long as you keep writing

The only problem now is that I am totally addicted to new songs. Writing and recording them. So you go back and listen to your last album or two and you're just totally bored with it. And all you can think about is the new stuff you're working on. Its quite crazy. Hard to be organized or committed that way. The only thing I find myself truly committed to is writing the new songs and recording the new albums. Nic isn't even out yet and all I can think about is the new new new CD I want to record now. Its an addiction. A sickness. I know this though. The last three albums, counting nic, have all been very overt and blatant lyrically. Even though the next two are already are written and planned out I would like to take a step back with them, analyze the lyrics a little and try to go deeper lyrically. This just came to me. Starting to see how candid and upfront everything’s been the last few years with my lyrics, which is a cool style too. I kind of bailed on the whole idea of lyrics being poetry a few years ago and never looked back. Always saying something. Rather than letting it be said. Would like to try saying things but at a different level. More poetry I guess. Lyric writing is the hardest part of the craft. For me anyway. Objectively I find my lyrics in general are pretty sophomoric. I take the easy way out too much of the time. I wouldn’t mind working with lyric writers, like Brian Wilson or Elton John do. Let other guys come in and put some words down. Guys that are better at it than I am. God knows I've run out of things to say years ago. I'd like to let go of all this self obsession and move on to more worldly matters in my songs.

Check out this video clip: http://www.moveon.org/censure/caughtonvideo/

Today is Cleopatra's birthday. Tonight we headed over to the Florida Grammy showcase. DC3 played and were unbelievably good. I have to admit I love this band so much. Derek Cintron has the potential to be a huge star. And that's his real name. spent  an hour or so hanging with various scene buds and then headed out into the night. on the way down Washington I see this SUV ram this little car right in front of me. the little car stops but the SUV starts driving fast away. I rolled down my window and told the peeps in the little car to stay there. I floored it and chased the SUV down. I got up next to it, rolled down my window and yelled ‘you have to stop.’ He pulls over and thinks he hit me he is so drunk. I'm like, ‘you didn't hit my car. The car you hit is back on Washington still. I'll follow you.” He's like, “you’ll follow me?!” all snotty like “who do you think you are?” but then he got in and I followed him to the scene. Crazy people in Miami. if I wouldn’t have seen that guy and chased him down he just would have bailed on the scene after smashing that other guys car all up. Luckily for him no one was hurt. another day another good deed.

So far more than 4000 same sex couples have been married this year in San fran. Way to go San fran. More power to you. But on the other side of the coin, some little town in Tennessee passed a law this week making it possible for the state to sue same sex couples as a crime against nature. ??? seriously, I'm not making this up. o.k.... so we can drive SUVS and pollute the air, we can make animals extinct by killing them, and we can poison our water and earth by pouring toxic chemicals into it, and that's not a “crime against nature” but rather it is “just something that some people wish that other people wouldn’t do.” But if two people of the same sex want to hook up then that is a crime against nature. Wow. Leave it to Tennessee. Remember this is the same town that prosecuted a man in the 20’s for teaching evolution. Seriously. people like this still exist. Be careful. be very careful.

Recently read that over 2.9 million manufacturing jobs have been lost in the United States in the last three years. unfathomable. If there is such a thing as the anti-industrial revolution, then we’re in the thick of it. the AFLCIO has filed a law suit against the United States government for the lost jobs saying it is because they are being too lenient on china in their breaking of basic human rights and labor laws... it will be an interesting couple of years.

At the showcase tonight met THE man who produced the first joy division album way back when, which is cool. he says, ‘We have to try to save music, save the artists... I'm trying something new I'd like you to be a part of.... a website for digital distribution of music...’ I felt like saying ‘uh o.k. pal.’ O.k. so maybe he's done one too many hits of ecstasy the last few years, and to respond is kind of silly and superfluous, so instead I took off into night to let the wind blow through my hair while I attempted to drive 130 down the Macarthur causeway with no hands on the wheel while enjoying the beautiful 76 degree weather and the awe inspiring views of the Atlantic ocean on both sides. On the drive home I thought about this poor old man with his good intentions, and how if people would just get together and get serious about it, and if first they knew what the problems were in the industry, then maybe they could fix it. everyone’s freaking out now in the music biz. Granted. And for good reason. 1600 retail record stores closed last year. that's unbelievable. Tower records went bankrupt and word is that virgin is about to go under from no CD sales. O.k. fine. So what's the answer? How to save the artists and the music at the same time? these were my thoughts as I whizzed down the great highway.

Met with Sony France today. The rep was very flattering to us. Said he was a huge fan of the band. Had this big smile on his face the whole time. “wow. You sing like bono and look like Michael Hutchence! You're fabulous!” with this thick French accent----I was thinking ‘that would be great if this were 1989...’ but now how does that help us. Lol. ‘Michael was one of my best friends. What a shame....” Hadn't heard that name in a while. Said the band could blow up faster in Europe than America. it was a strange meeting. Business-wise it was a good meeting. but it was deeper... one of the reps and I just connected like crazy. can’t explain. We just sat there talking so directly and candidly, staring into each others eyes. felt like a reconnection with a soulmate. It was profound in a way. He told us this story where when he first met Johnny depp he looked him in the eye the same way and said one day Johnny you are going to be a big star. And Johnny just had this yeah I'll see it when I believe it attitude... then about ten years later Johnny walked in to this party and saw this guy there. by then Johnny was a big star. And he ran up to the guy and gave him this big hug and said ‘you were right man’.... etc... then he looks me in the eye and says ‘you are becoming a big star now. but you are going to be bigger. Believe me. I know. I will make it happen.’ He says with this strong French accent and wide open eyes.... I was like, ‘I'm glad you think so. I'll believe when I see it bro.’ ‘We need to get you to Europe,’ he says. You’ll do great there. You're very spiritual and we love the spiritual in France.’ [this is where I was really taken by the whole thing. I mean, he's holding the sleep with you CD, and he’s talking about how spiritual it is...  leave it to the French. I couldn’t believe that I was sitting face to face with someone who GOT IT, who actually got the spiritual nature of the work, rather than just the surface context of it. In America no one has gotten spiritual out of it. They just think its about sex... which it is, but only on the surface.]

Deeper still, there seems to be no end to this sadness. it is a deep and profound sadness. something to be in awe of. Something that is thick and murky... dark and pensive. If I were not an artist I would have just jumped in front of a bus or something, or jumped off of a tall building months ago. but I can appreciate it. there is a subtle appeal to profound sadness that if appreciated correctly can be endured and almost admired... beloved... whatever the fuck that means. I find myself fantasizing about taking my .357 and blowing my brains all over the place. I don't know why. I just do. like I said, if I wasn't an artist I think I'd be freaked out by this, but I just try to appreciate it, watch it come, watch it go... prob too much caffeine, too much stress, not enough sleep.

This state can come in handy. It has its benefits. More than the obvious artistic benefits. Sunday night after our rehearsal Vancouver and I left the studio at about one in the morning. We were both exhausted. we went through downtown. And I had to stop at a  light. This is something you don't want to do at one in the morning in downtown Miami. especially with a back seat full of guitars. But we had to. just go Vancouver says to me casually. About the light. No dude. Its cool. we were both half asleep. We hear this tap on the window and we both jump. Fuck Vancouver says. Fuck dude! Go through the light! I look over next to me and there's this guy standing outside my window with a gun pointed at me through the window. A skinny black dude with red eyes. Obviously a little cracked out and loaded. Fishy fucking go man! Vancouver yells. I reached down and grabbed onto this bottle of mace I keep next to my seat. I opened the window. ‘fishy what the fuck are you doing?’ Vancouver whispers to me nervously. ‘how can we help you bro?’ I say to the guy. ‘gimme the guitars.’ ‘dude we can’t give you the guitars. We’re musicians. These are the tools of our trade. Like that gun is to you. sorry man. Can’t do it.” I turned away from him and started to roll up the window. “I said gimme the motherfucking guitars!” he says back to me. “Fishy we have to give him the guitars man! He has a fucking gun man! Vancouver is saying. he is panicking in the passengers seat rocking back and forth in his seat. “Bro. Look. I know what you're going through. You need money. you want the guitars so you can sell them. Whatever. I feel for you. but were not giving you the guitars and that's that. you want some money? let me see if I have any money...” I started to reach into my pocket... “Don't fucking move man. Stay right there. don't move. Gimme those guitars goddamnit. I'm not fuckign around now.” his eyes were wild. He kept looking back and forth to his left and right to see if anyone was coming. I looked back up at him. I could have sprayed his face a hundred times already with the mace. This guy was out of it. “O.k. listen man. Don't piss me off. I'm trying to be respectful of your situation here. I was going to give you money. But don't piss me off. You want money or not?” “I want those mother fucking guitars in yalls backseat is what I want!” he waves the gun at my face and then at Vancouver. Vancouver jumps in his seat. “oh fuck! Oh fuck! Fishy give him the guitars. God man lets just go man!” he is yelling. I look at the guy, “Bro. I know you have a gun. And I know that's supposed to scare us and normally I suppose it would. But for the last six months all I have thought about is blowing my own brains out with a gun that looks very much like the one you are holding in your hand right now. as much as it may upset my friend here to have my brains splattered all over his face, all I can think of is how cool it would be. like a movie or something,” I say,  “so with all due respect, you're not scaring with me that gun.” “his face tightened up. “you're fucking crazy man!” “You're calling me crazy? And you're the one standing there pointing a gun at us. that's crazier. You know how much trouble you could get in? What if we were cops? Now bro, am I going to give you some money or are you going to blow my brains out? because those are your options. I'm not giving you our guitars.” I turned away from him and started to roll up the window. I didn't look back at him and I looked dead straight in front of me. I could see Vancouver in his seat rocking back and forth nervous as hell. He peers out of his eye and whispers to me, “Fishy he's walking away...” I look over to my left and sure enough this guy is slumping away off into the shadows of the night. “Oh my God he's fucking walking away! Holy fucking shit! You saved our guitars man! You saved our guitars! You are fucking crazy! But you saved our guitars man! I can’t believe this. Holy shit!”

Finished mixing nothing is cohesive last night. now we choose the song order for it. French classes suck. Very hard language. Not getting it yet. frustrated with it.

Super into this Country music channel 100 greatest country songs special. I have it on tape and try to watch it whenever I can. so many of the songs are sooooo good. it is forcing me to take a look at my own songwriting.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
 -  Charles H. Duell, Director of US Patent Office, 1899

 "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
 -  Harry M. Warner, Warner Bros Pictures, 1927

 "There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom."
 -  Robert Miliham, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923

 "Heavier than air flying machines are impossible."
 -  Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, 1895

 "The horse is here today, but the automobile is only a novelty - a fad."
 -  President of Michigan Savings Bank advising against investing in the
 Ford Motor Company

 "Video won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six
 months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every
 night."
 - Daryl F. Zanuck, 20th Century Fox, commenting on television in 1946

 "Guitar music is on the way out."
 - Decca Records turning down the Beatles, 1962.
    
 "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment.  The
 literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
 - Spencer Silver, originator of Post-It Notepads.
    
 "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
 - Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology, 1872.

 "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as
 a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." 
 - Western Union internal memo, 1876.

 "Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote."
 -  Grover Cleveland, 1905

 "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction
 and the need to have something better than a vacuum against  which to
 react. He  seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high
 schools."
 - 1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary
 rocket work.

 "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
 - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

 "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
 - Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de
 Guerre.

 "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
 intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
 - Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon- Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873.

 "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
 - Bill Gates, 1981

 "Such startling announcements as these should be deprecated as being
 unworthy of science and mischievous to its true progress."
 - Sir William Siemens, electrical engineer, upon hearing Edison's
 Announcement of a successful light bulb.

 "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
  - Ken Olson, president of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

Nightline Daily E-Mail
 March 15, 2004
 TONIGHT'S FOCUS: Just days after the worst terrorist attack in Europe, the bombings of the trains in Madrid, Spanish voters threw out the ruling Conservatives and voted the Socialist Party into power. So how much did the terrorist attacks influence the outcome? And what are the implications?

Terrorism works. It's hard to deny that in the world we live in today. Not always in the way that the terrorists intend, but it is effective. Normally, we probably wouldn't pay that much attention to the election results in Spain, but I guess these aren't normal times. Spain's outgoing Prime Minister was one of the first, and one of the few, European leaders to support President Bush on the invasion of Iraq. An invasion that was hugely unpopular with the Spanish people. Spain has contributed about 1300 troops to the occupation of Iraq. The ruling Conservatives, at least according to pre-election polling, were expected to win. They didn't. To what extent did the bombings sway the results?
Now conventional wisdom is that acts of terrorism will swing the electorate behind those in power, the idea being that it's important to stand together. There is a lot of talk about how an attack on the U.S. might impact the upcoming election. I guess no one really knows how people will react. Will they feel that it's important to stand behind whoever's in office? Or will those people be blamed for failing to stop any new attacks? That appears to be part of what happened in Spain. Another factor, the Spanish government came out almost immediately and said that it thought the Basque group ETA was responsible, even though there now appears to be a fair amount of evidence to suggest that al Qaeda was involved in some way. There was a lot of anger in Spain over the appearance that the government might have pointed to ETA for political reasons. But we're not going to focus on Spain's internal politics tonight. There are greater issues involved. What lesson have the terrorists, whoever they are, taken away from the events of the past few days? Do they now feel that they can influence elections, and policies? Will they be emboldened to strike elsewhere as elections approach? In most European countries, public opinion was decidedly opposed to the war. Spain's incoming government says it will remove its troops from Iraq. Will other countries follow that lead if they too are attacked? Regardless, there is a lot of nervousness in Europe, and this country, these days. There is extra security around transit systems. And somewhere, there is a group of people who must be watching the pictures of the havoc they are responsible for. The terrorists responsible for the bombings in Madrid are probably pretty pleased with themselves right now. And that makes our world a more dangerous place. Much more dangerous. ABC News correspondent Richard Gizbert will report on the latest from Spain, and the mood in Europe. Ted will anchor tonight. I hope you'll join us.
Leroy Sievers and the Nightline Staff
ABCNEWS Washington D.C. bureau

[Excerpt only. From September 18th, 2003 interview, after ELF terrorist group burned a 206-unit condominium tower to the ground in San Diego on August 1st, causing over $50 million in damage.]
CL: (Creative Loafing): you seem to be saying in your most recent blogs that you are a supporter of stepping up direct action these days?
F (Fishy): well what else are we going to do when corporations rule the world and the democratic procedures that we attempt to use year after year in order to instill change for the better stop working for us? Our country was founded on a revolution. Sometimes people forget that. Remember that quote from Rosebraugh from the ELF [editors note: Earth Liberation Front] who had said, “How long are you willing to wait for your idea of justice to come about before you take steps to implement the next higher level of activism?”
CL: You are a supporter of the ELF then?
F: well from what I understand there is no real ELF. I mean, as an organized political body, no one is even sure if it even exists. It is more of an idea. Actions are taken in the name of ELF, on behalf of this idea of doing whatever it takes to liberate the Earth from the corporations’ greedy clutches. It’s a fascinating idea isn't it?
CL: But you’ve also spoken out against the destruction of personal and private property in the name of political direct action in the past.
F: I know. it’s a tricky issue. I am starting to lean the other way now. The more you study it, the more you see the tight grip that large corporations—corporate governmental states—have on our freedom, on our laws, on our freedoms as people to direct our own lives... I don't know. it seems like a more direct form of action might be necessary at this point.
CL: But do you really think that these kind of terrorist acts do anything? What about those who say that it just aggravates the issues? That it turns people off to the real issues of the environment or human rights?
F: I don't think that's true now. Look at the ELF for example since we’re already speaking about them. Because of these particular acts that they have committed over the last few years, time magazine dedicated 6 pages about the organization, a cover story, detailing not only the acts, but outlining the exact issues that the organization is trying to raise awareness on. How many people does that magazine go out to? I'm not sure. But lets say one or two million people per week. received this magazine, showed it to their friends and family members. People learned, some of them for the first time, what is happening to the environment with oil spill offs or how many animals around the world are endangered because of these fuckers in control. When I read the article myself, these were things that I didn't even know. Its like over twelve thousand different species of animals that are threatened to become extinct?! That's fucking insane! And this is something we can actually stop. But not if we’re just going to sit around and try to lobby congress about it.
CL:  So you don't believe that traditional means of environmental activist groups are helping?
F: look at this way. Right now as we’re speaking, we've all heard these statistics, but for the record, we are destroying the rain forests of the world—less than 2% of the entire planet—at a rate of 214,000 acres per day! That’s an area larger than the entire city of New York. And that's PER DAY. And this is happening right now! Its fucking crazy. So the answer is no. traditional forms of environmental activism are not working.
CL: It is a figure that is hard to conceive of for most people.
F: Yeah it is. And we can stop this, but we don't. I talk to the people in our generation every day you know, the people that are into more forms of direct action and the feeling now in our generation and in the younger generations is that those traditional forms where people send in their twenty dollars in an envelope to Greenpeace or the world wildlife fund or the sierra club or whatever—and I'm not trying to single them out—but people think that this is helping. These organizations have been raising hundreds of millions of dollars a year for decades now and they can afford all these very expensive attorneys in Washington to have lunch with senators and all this lobbying in the traditional sense and its just not doing anything. If it were doing something, then we wouldn’t be destroying over two hundred thousand acres of rainforests a day. Right? I mean what is it doing? So now I think the consensus is changing about what is necessary in order for us to show that we mean business. and if that means blowing up a whole fucking lot of hummers or destroying oil rigs or someone chaining themselves to a tree, then that's what its going to take. And I'm there with them now.
CL: But what about when that means the potential for human loss or suffering, when it involves the injuring whether intentional or otherwise, of others? As is the case with some of the more extreme terrorist acts that we have seen in the last few years?
F: I don't think that there's anyone who cares about human rights or the environment who wants to see other people get hurt. That's not on the agenda. But the point is that the world is moving to extremes now. the left is running to the left because it sees that its losing. And the right is running to the right because it too sees that its losing. Perhaps on different issues. But the battle has now begun. And I think that if we have to, then people are going to take to the streets and it could get ugly.
CL: You have referred to it as the last great battle between the enlightened and the barbarians. Who’s who? [laughs]
F: I know it is a ridiculously pompous thing to say. But I think its true to a certain extent now. sometimes you have to become a barbarian to defeat a barbarian, and that's what we’re seeing now. There's going to be more and more destructive direct action taken in the name of the environment and human rights issues. I think it has the potential to get ugly but hopefully not. I can’t speak for other people, but for myself I'll say that if you sit here right now and you tell me that we have to accept the total degradation of the planet and we have to accept that in the next few years over twelve thousand different animals are going to die even though we can stop it, then I'm going to tell you that I'm going to do everything in my power to stop it. And if that means very blatant overt direct acts of protest that cause every one in the world to sit up and take notice, then that's what I'm going to do. And I know a lot of other people all over the world who feel the same way. I mean, you don't have to say anymore than that. That says what it says.

I received a message from the Oracle during the week. I wrote him something back. I know you can’t really write the oracle. One doesn’t receive replies back. But sometimes I have to anyway.
Dear Oracle,
You seriously freak me out sometimes.
Not all the time.
Sometimes I'm just like...
O.k. whatever.
But every once in a while...
Such as this week.
Not that I know what the hell you are going on about.
Even though I do.
And that's the part that freaks me out.

One thing though.... I wish sometimes your recorded messages, which I partake in every now and again when I feel like I need more clarification, had more to do with your written messages. Such was not the case this week. unless it was. In which case I didn't get it. not yet anyway...

Fishy

Met with a guitarist today to sit and have a few pints and talk about the band. Good night. we drank and drank and shared stories till the wee small hours of the morning. things weird with me moving to NYC. Not sure what the fuck is supposed to happen. if there is such a thing as “something supposed to happen.” [o.k. so that's just me trying to be cool... you know I like to play the cynical card every now and then, but don't believe it for a second. The ambassador is alive and well. and by all means its all supposed to happen. unless of course it isn't... and that's where it gets a bit tricky. But it wouldn’t be much fun if it weren't a bit tricky...]

But it is strange to have so little of a band left and yet so many options for a band. Sometimes it seems like the band has ten members. Other times it seems like its just me and Father Bloopy. So what the hell am I thinking moving to New York? Well some things I do know. We know we are touring the east coast in April. Sony France called today. asked if we would be interested in releasing the sleep with you album in Europe and if it does well then heading over there to do some shows. said it would really go over well in their market, more than here. they’ve been seeing breasts over there for centuries so sleep won't be considered controversial like it is here. Here its ... well... say no more... same sex marriage is still considered controversial over here for some weird reason...  I liked what bill Maher said last week. “Please.... its happening and there's nothing you can do to stop it. so get bored with it already.” i mean obviously there's something happening to us. as a species of people. we weren't always so gay. Everyone and their brother is coming out of the closet. Literally. People are just flying out of the woodwork announcing “guess what? I'm gay and I'm going to marry my best friend Chad!” its crazy. everyone has a brother or a sister, or at least a cousin who is gay now. it used to be so taboo. You called someone gay and they were insulted. Now you call someone gay and they're like, “You really think so?!”

I found this massage chair cover thing. You wouldn’t believe it. You throw it anywhere. In a car or over a chair or flat on the bed or floor. I have it outside right now on a bench. It has all these various different massages that it does to you and it also heats up. And then there's these speakers on it so you can listen to nature sounds or to this new age music coming right out of it. and the whole time its massaging you and heating you up. Its wild.  

Has anyone noticed this thing with Dish network? Fucking a its crazy. half the channels on dish networks don't work now because Viacom turned them all off all over the country as a way to blackmail them into paying higher premiums for the channels and to force them into taking buying channels they don't want to. Its like the fucking apocalypse or something. and when you go to watch MTV or VH1 or cbs instead of those channels you got these two guys form dish networks sitting at a desk talking to America telling everyone “we are refusing to pay these high prices and we refuse to be extorted like this so were really sorry but that's why you can’t watch your favorite shows right now. and they just sit on there for hours talking and reading people letters and emails and answering them. parents aren't even get any of the kids channels for their children. I swear to God you couldn’t dream this up. its reality TV but for real.

Bloopy is off to France for a week, I feel like a proud father. He's never crossed the Atlantic before. While today was my first day of French class. Although I don't remember a thing from it. they start at 10:00 AM. That's in the fucking morning. I don't even know if I was there. maybe my body was but my mind, no way. I have always heard that French is hard. Well guess what? French is hard. Really hard. They don't pronounce any of their fucking letters. I don't know why they use them if they aren't going to pronounce them.

The most amazing thing happened today. about two weeks ago I purchased a Vox-AC 30 amp off of eBay. I got a decent deal. Like all musicians these days I'm an eBay freak and haven't even been in a music store in years. buy everything online now. and used. The older the better. The cool thing about eBay is that you almost never even talk to the people you buy or sell stuff to. and another cool thing about eBay is that sometimes you do. that's cool too.

This thing with Martha Stewart. Crazy. Martha Stewart going to prison? I don't see it happening. Nope. Not going to happen. but if it does... wow. And you know she got duped by the people around her a bit.... just thinking that once you get to that level that there's no way something bad could ever happen. just goes to show. You just never know. so its better to ride it clean. Now if that ken lay CEO from Enron doesn’t go to prison... what a strange world indeed dear Julia....
I read Julia's letter again today. somehow and I don't know why exactly but it had a tremendous impact on me, receiving this letter. And starting to correspond with her again after so many years. Reconnecting with, as she puts it, “the keepers of our history...” Julia was my first crush. Back in junior high school. I met her when I was 11. I even took out an ad in the school newspaper to profess my love to her. I know, leave it to me. 11 year old junior high school kid to take out an ad in a newspaper to tell a girl who wouldn’t even speak to me that I love her.... crazy even as a young lad. but I soon moved and never saw her again. until college. But by then we both had boyfriends and girlfriends and things had changed a lot. She said to me, “Fishy you’ve always been in love with love more than any one person...” and I thought to myself in that moment, ‘how the hell can you tell that from a seventh grader?’ I thought that was such an astute observation. But things have changed again. now we converse like old souls who have touched each other for lifetimes. Sharing what we've learned over the years...

We have more in common than we do with a lot of other people in our own backyards. our souls have caught up now in this lifetime.

I am set on moving back to New York. Its not a question anymore. Now I am frantically running around making plans and taking action to get out of here and get back to America. I have eight weeks to get it all done and move out of here. I am in school for beginning French and the class is eight weeks long. I figure that will keep my brain occupied while I'm here and give me a good deadline. Going from 3500 square feet to less than a thousand isn't going to be easy. But as long as I get a bed and a few guitars and an amp squeezed into my new place I'll be happy. Anything is better than this right now... isn't that funny? That slow boil... one minute you're driving around with the music pumping, and the next thing you know you can’t wait to leave a place.... I'm walking around here like an alien from another planet. I'll tell you the funniest thing about Miami. from an American’s perspective. If you're white/American, and you meet someone new here at a restaurant or a club or a bookstore or where ever, you know the first thing they ask you? “You're not from around here are you? Where are you from?” cause the truth is that whites, or gringos as they call us, which is a word that means foreigners or strangers (ironically we’re called strangers here.... ) don't come from here, and they don't usually live here either. Usually just visit. But that's not why I'm moving. I have liked living and working amongst the South Americans these three years. I've perfected my Spanish and Portuguese here and I've learned so much about the world. But I feel this undying desperate need now to be in a world more aligned with my own interests, with people I can relate to more and who can relate to me more. Miami will always be home away from home to me. But I gotta make a new home. Starting over from scratch. Crazy.

I have gotten my Inbox down to 125 unreads, down from 405 at its peak the last few months. What a good feeling it is to clear your inbox. I'm kicking ass right now. of course I'm working round the clock right now. no down time. no movies. No socials. Just work. And I feel like I'm ageing a year a month right now, but I'm compelled like I haven't been in months so I'm taking advantage of that.

Good week. Band secured national booking agency this week. finally. So it looks like we will be playing bigger venues for more money and getting to more people. [the president of the company is a Christian and a republican. I keep my mouth shut during the negotiations. Perhaps he has never read the diaries. Has no idea who he is signing. The irony....]

Called Nextel tonight because I lost my phone. The guy couldn’t even understand what I was saying. finally I ask him, “where are you now?” “I'm sorry sir. we are not allowed to divulge our location.” He replies in his best attempt to cover up his Indian or Indonesian accent. “Oh o.k. so you're not in America then, are you?” “I'm sorry sir. we aren't at liberty to tell customers that information...” “you know man, that sucks. I'm an American. I'm in America. you have all this information about me and my company and I think I'm calling an American company and you can’t tell me where you are right now? Doesn’t that seem a little weird to you?” “I'm sorry sir. that is the policy here.... why do you ask?” “well... uh... because of our economy and everyone is losing their jobs here now to overseas countries... just thought I'd ask. I know you're not in America. you don't have to tell me.” “well sir, Americans don't want to pay high prices for things so it is better for American companies to go overseas to hire cheaper labor.....” “yeah I know man. I've heard it all before. thanks anyway.” “Is there anything else I can help you with?” “No. thanks. Have a good night. or a good day. where ever the hell you are...”

So now Nextel. Another one bites the dust. When will it end? the truth is I don't think its going to end anytime soon. as I told the man trying desperately hard not to sound like an Indian on the phone, “its going to get really really crazy here in the states over the next few years as all these millions of people lose more and more of their jobs. Reading Forbes annual billionaires list today at lunch. 64 new billionaires joined the list. And the actual gross revenue of all of them increased by (I forget how much) % from last year. so now it really is coming down to the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. [I'm not saying this is a necessarily bad thing; for all I know this is the way its supposed to be---perhaps this is the evolutionary process in its most pure and pristine form. Who knows? But we’re watching it happen right before our eyes. [in the same Forbes issue, the wife of a very famous CEO of a very large company who has now outsourced almost 80% of their jobs—good jobs, college educated, professional jobs---out to another country in order to save money, asked her husband during the interview, “My God, what is going to happen to all these American kids when they get out of college and realize that there aren't any jobs out there for them?” America needs to create more industries where the labor stays here. I'm not against sending labor overseas that we can get cheaply. I think in general this is going to be good for us. because it keeps the cost of goods low for us and it forces us to invent new industries with new jobs that only we can do. [of course this begs the question, what CAN we do that no other peoples in the world can do?] I'm not an economist. I'm just a singer. so lets hope there's even a little bit of truth to what I'm saying. 

Can’t listen to music right now. Nothing turns me on. Only opera and barely... I am thoroughly bored with rock and pop music. give me something new and fresh and exciting please! cant drink caffeine all of a sudden. Drives me crazy. 
Last screening: jet lag, a little French romantic comedy.

Received a letter from Julia. Reconnecting with old friends from times forgotten seems to be the call of the times we are in.

Last night I killed a man in a dream. We were sleeping. Perhaps it was Cleopatra with me or an amalgam of several women from past and future. She whispered, do you hear that noise? I reached for my gun. I was too tired to open my eyes. I did hear the noise. Someone was in the house. I laid there with my eyes half open and my gun pointed out in front of me. in front of me I saw a figure. Fuck. Someone is here. I must protect her. I shot at the figure. He stopped for a moment but it didn't seem to affect him. so I shot again. my gun was misfiring. He stopped again as if I hit him but there was no blood. He smiled. Fuck I thought. We were fucked. I opened the gun and looked at the bullets. They were all messed up. oh my God. Cleo run. she ran. He ran after her. I ran after him. we all ended up in the kitchen. I shot at him a few more times. my gun was not working properly. What was happening to my gun? I have to save her I thought. I grabbed at the knives and got one out and stabbed at him. he did not bleed. There was no blood. But he fell to the ground. We have to call someone she said. We called someone I don't remember who it was. Told them that I just killed a man in the house. she consoled me. told me it was o.k. he deserved it. just then he opened his eyes. he looked very evil. I was very scared. he spoke to me. Everyone will know that you killed me, he said. And so I stabbed at him again in the chest and again and again. it was terrifying. He seemed dead. I stared at him lying there on the floor cut up. He was pale as a ghost. I awoke. What are dreams?

Met with a rep from universal music today. Good meeting. Learned a lot. Loves the band’s new CD, but slapped a bunch of reports on the desk in front of me and our attorney. Great CD guys, but you're not selling like we want you to be... [I'm thinking o.k. well then sign us and give us some money and we will...but it doesn’t work that way anymore...] they want you to already be selling hundreds of thousands of units before you ever get signed. I know our attorney was bummed. He thought that was going to be it. But instead of getting down I walked out of there inspired. I just felt like, ‘o.k. fine give me a few more months and I'll show them sales if that's what they want....’ I mean, if music isn't art anymore. If its not just art for the sake of art anymore and you can’t be signed on the basis of a rep loving your CD and not wanting to take it out of his stereo, then fine. We got that part down already. We know that. so if its all about numbers then we’ll give them numbers. How? Honestly, I don't know yet. but I know we’ll do it.