The week and month are flying by. Too fast now. overdrive. It will be Christmas before we know it.

Just read that article about worldcom CEO Ebbers getting 25 years for his involvement in the biggest bankruptcy in American history that robbed 11 billion of dollars from thousands of American investors. He's 63 and has a bad heart so he will prob die in prison poor bastard. But that's his fault. He knew what he was doing. Check this out though:

“While criminal defendants usually are locked up during their appeals, exceptions are often made for white-collar criminal defendants, said Lewis.”


So next time someone asks you why you're so hard on America in its current “interpretation” of democracy, you’ve got some ammunition. bastards and criminals. A guy steals a car to sell it and make some much needed cash and he gets locked up. Another guy steals 11 billion dollars and he gets to go home and hang with the fam. There's a reason why the rest of the world has a problem with American democracy and their current free enterprise system as exemplified here.


Current spin; Supergrass, life on other planets. This is great!!!! this sounds like John Lennon or Elton John vibage. Dig it.
Also, snoops new one. missy’s new one. I just like it. don't blame me.

Biggest challenge for me through this side little battle with Cleopatra and Sneed/formerly Ferret, is talking myself into the understanding that although these were my friends at one point that they are not anymore and as much as I still care for them that they don't care for me, or at one level still may, but care for money more than for me. that not only are they intentionally taking actions that can and will harm me if they are successful, could devastate my and my family’s future, that they are admitting it and saying ‘look man I have to look out for myself...’ That line just still floors me. I could never imagine.

Well in any case, I don't have to imagine it because it is happening everyday right now. We are deadlocked in our own little Cuban missile crisis still but getting closer it appears to a resolution, though we may have to sue to get a real resolution that has any integrity or honesty attached to it. Cleopatra lies everytime she opens her mouth. She is deathly afraid of telling the truth but we cannot understand why, of what she is hiding.

I'll tell you one thing, I have reached out to a lot of friends and family through this, both for mental/emotional and financial support and I have been overwhelmed at the amount of support I have received. Spoke with a few people about the need for more cash to continue to pay the attorneys, (that's another story which after this is over I will take a break and then discuss the whole relationship between justice and attorneys we have set up right now on the planet = fucking nuts. He who has the most cash wins the case = gets justice. It has nothing to do with actual justice. Rarely at least. If you don't have money, you're not getting justice, because you can’t bring a case to court. Period. Even if the acts are criminal. That's just the way it is set up.)

anyway, when people call me, some of them, I let on to what I'm currently going through rather than just pretending that everything is cool and I can’t believe the level of support and offers to send money. Jazz calls from France, the little cutie, and offers to fly in. Suzie calls from Israel and offers amazing advice in just recounting to me what she herself is going through, exactly what I need to hear. She wants me to come to Germany and play with her. I tell her that I cannot right now, because of this tangled web. And she tells me that anything I need is mine, just ask.

Eunice called from Brasil to invite us to come play a few concerts there at the end of July – at some kind of giant fair or festival – strange. I told her I had to decline due to this case and the insanity that I am going through everyday and she offers to wire me a truckload of money tomorrow. You will need at least twenty thousand in the fist month she says in her slow wise hushed thick Portuguese accent. I will send it to you. but more importantly, she talks with me about my own responsibility. We have this deep profound I would say conversation about how important for me it is to get out of this what I did to create it in my life. that I need to acknowledge my own misconduct and my own transgressions. That I need to make amends and apologies, look deep within and find within me anything I have done that would bring this on so I can be completely clean. I relayed to her that last night in fact I had done that. woken up at 3am and wrote pages to Cleopatra. that I have spent hours in church just asking God/the force to reveal to me what is happening.

the ambassador isn't used to people not being the ambassador back to him, I tell God. God laughs. ‘well, you know son, God says, just because you are going around being the ambassador to everyone doesn’t mean they are going to be that way back to you. life doesn’t work that way. if this were the way life worked, dogs wouldn’t be abused and abandoned, children wouldn’t be killed and raped and shoved into garage cans in back alleys.... the truth is that there are people who are fucked up, insane, confused, psychotic, just out for themselves, and it is not beyond possibility that there are people in the world who are just going to fuck you over if they can for their own gain. You can tell yourself that if you are honest and spiritual and peaceful that you will always experience honesty and peace and goodness from the world, but you will be a dreamer and a fool and you will soon see that the world is not set up like that...’


Harry palmer warns in one of his speeches, ‘do not flow love to evil or people out of integrity who are trying to destroy you. you will only be giving them the wrong message. Stand your ground. evil is infectious. You can tell evil by its intentional destructive acts. Immediately create a way to contain them, stop them, quarantine them... when you feel that revulsion, sometimes you should listen to it. clean up your own transgressions as fast as you can, so as to reduce the effort needed to clean up the situation, but do not be fooled into thinking that they will also clean themselves up.’ So I continue to pray, God show me my own misgivings and transgressions. Show me what I need to clean up here. show me where I went wrong so I can feel a hundred percent in this. I write Cleopatra pages of thoughts and apologies. Ideas about where we went wrong. when did we first start coming from desperation and start to feel that it was o.k. to shift slightly out of integrity because we needed the money? when did we first start to blame the other for it? how did we go from full on support of one another to full on blame and deliberate harming each other?

when I first stepped down from being an honest man of integrity because she convinced me that we had no time for that, that we were desperate, that our situation was desperate.... that is when she lost respect for me and when I began to lose respect for myself. in the moment she may have been relieved that I was agreeing with her, playing along, but inside, this is when it began. How can you trust or respect a person who leads you astray, even if you ask them to... this is where I lost it. I had no idea until the last twenty four hours or so. had no idea that there was anything here for me to learn about my own transgressions. For three days I have struggled with this. trying to figure out what I am supposed to learn from this.

Miraculously we resolved more today than we have in six months. AND she hadn't even read the letter. That's magic. That's the magic of cleaning out your own consciousness/conscience. Good stuff.

But still, there is a lot of behind the scenes trickery still going on. and I have a choice now. allow it in order to resolve this and be done with it and get some money that is owed to me. partial justice. Or demand that the deal is finalized with one hundred percent honesty and integrity and it’s a nice fair even break for everyone. This could mean going to court. It could mean blowing the whole deal for everyone. This is true. this is our reality. The ball is in both of our courts. If she doesn’t come clean and play fair then I will backed into a corner where I will need to just force everyone's cards on the table in court. It will last for months, perhaps years. it will cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. But it will be complete justice. It will be getting real. My concern is not just losing the money here. my concern is learning the real lessons in order that I earn some major karma points and do not have to recreate this again months or years later in this Same lifetime by not doing the right thing now in this instance. Crazy stuff indeed.

I'll tell you, its fun to read about this stuff in autobiographies or see it play out on TV or in the movies. But try dealing with it in real life. I feel sick all day. headaches and nauseous. Sadness paranoia fear confusion. thank God I am learning these lessons now with such small dollar figures and with such tiny foes. These are good lessons for when we are playing with bigger dogs.

Last night I gave myself a speech in the mirror. Never had done that before. ala Robert Deniro. ‘look Fishy, you're a good guy. o.k.? just because someone is fucking you over don't take it personally. Stop dousing yourself in guilt and shame because of their words and actions and taking everything they say seriously. you know who you are. you came from a fucked up childhood where you lacked love and affection and you were always told how bad you are. and you took that into your adult life with you. to the point that you are now willing to sacrifice your pride and your integrity and justice and even money and everything you’ve worked so hard for just because you don't want anyone to dislike you. because you are operating from this subconscious fear of being disliked or called bad names. But hear me on this one bro. you're a good guy. flow love to people who are flowing it back to you Fishy. be friends with people who are being friends with you. you do not need the love and affection and admiration of everyone at the expense of your own welfare. Those days are over. You have overcome so much. I am proud of you. you have come out on the other end from a traumatic and abusive childhood to become someone who so many people love and adore and look up to. remember that. remember Oprah and what she went through as child and how she overcame all that? you can do that. you have done it already. you are growing into a really good person. an admirable person. believe it. honor it. cherish it. be proud of yourself. why do you not hear people when they speak good things to you but you are so quick to jump on and take seriously anytime someone tells you something bad or tries to make you feel bad? You are a light to many people Fishy. you do not need the love of everyone. If someone is constantly telling you bad things about yourself and telling you that you are no good and they deserve to mistreat you and abuse you and take advantage of you, stop it right there and walk away. they are not your friend. they are not thinking good for you. they will never love you. no matter how much you give they will never come around and start treating you nicely and fairly. You need to walk away, be strong, courageous, and stick up for yourself. I know that seems hard for you now, but you have to do it. in this lifetime. You do that and you reverse this pattern in your life for good. you cave in now out of fear of being disliked or just a desperate need for love and approval or money and you will repeat this again in your life. you know this. be strong Fishy. I believe in you man. you're a good person. and I love you.’ ‘well I would hope you do,’ I respond, ‘because you're me. and quite frankly you're freaking me out staring at yourself and talking to yourself like this.’ point taken. But it was a stellar moment in time. I got it.

I have to say that Princess Little Tree has been there for me in a way no person could ever be thankful enough for. calls, emails, text messages a few times throughout the day. words of support and encouragement. Can’t buy friends like that. That's just good karma. She's an angel.

O.k. check it out. say you want to put together a non-profit, or make a film, or record a new album... and you start putting together your team. But you cannot get certain people to come together. they don't call back on time or they don't do the things they say they will. here's a lesson: let them off the hook. You cannot take it personally, and you cannot let them drag the whole project down; which they will if you let them. A project is only as strong as its weakest member.




Last screening: California dreaming, the story of the mamas and papas 40th anniversary DVD. O.k. as far as a documentary goes this one really sucks. Especially if you are a fan and looking for more details than the standard info you already know. BUT it does feature clips of all of their television appearances. And for me it was so meaningful to hear these songs again. I grew up listening to all my moms old vinyl records of mamas and papas and Beatles and stones and Simon and Garfunkel. I had forgotten this great music. this new CD of ours I told a polar bear today if can get it to sound like Foo fighters and metallica and Radiohead and u2 on the bottom, the rhythm section, and then the music part be super out there and experimental like four tet or akufen or autechre or mouse on mars, and then the guitar like super modern and commercial, and then have the vocals be like the beach boys and mamas and papas... that's what I'm going for. something that mixes everything that I love together in one cohesive package that really takes me somewhere where I've never been before... I'm not sure if people will get that he tells me... I know I say... but I will like it. and that will really be something to be proud of... I'm not saying it will be good. but it will be different... and frankly I'm doing this for me really aren't i. I mean, this is for me and the guys and about us getting our rocks off as artists.




Current spin: rise against. I like this band. sincere. Not my thing to buy or learn from. but its better than.... not gonna say it.
Also, Four tet, everything ecstatic. THIS IS FUCKING GREAT. THIS IS ART. WOW. buy it if you like to hear someone go all the way out there.

Still in love with Rhapsody. All day I listen to as many songs by any artists I want to as many times as I wanted to. I even listened to us a few times just for the fun of it. all for ten bucks a month. Who the hell is ever going to buy a CD again when they find out about napster and rhapsody? As artists we are fucked. We are so fucked.

If we put the digital distribution of our music in the hands of companies like napster and rhapsody we are going out of the frying pan into the fire. From the record companies to the digital distribution companies. We are still being controlled by them and their business decisions and their bottom line.

One way to look at it is this: through napster and rhapsody people have a way of hearing about you. through advertising and promotions. More people discover you. but artists still have to be able to sell their own music; even digitally. Or else we’re still in someone else’s hands.

I know what you're thinking: Prince is God and he already tried it and failed miserably. But at this point for newer artists it just may be viable.

I'll tell you this though. CD sales are history. Just no use for them. unless you live on a desert island. With napster and rhapsody as long as we have an Internet connection we can listen to music all day long and never pay more than ten bucks. What's you like and want to take with you, you can purchase. What's you don't like you don't purchase. The end of traditional concept albums. Its quite disheartening as an artist. As a music lover of course its great. but man, just when we were starting sell good amounts of cds... I have good friends who have even told me that they’ve only downloaded four or five songs from our new album because they just downloaded the ones they thought they liked. I'm like ‘dude, you never even saw the artwork? We put so much time and money into the artwork.’ They're like ‘bro, c'mon, at least I bought some songs... I don't care about the artwork...’ crazy. crazy indeed.

Current read: The origin of AIDS by tom Curtis. Crazy stuff. explores the theory that aids came from the polio vaccines delivered in Africa. Traces it back. but all the researchers say that trying to determine what the origin of aids was is totally meaningless and irrelevant. The author disagrees; and I am sure so do aids sufferers and their family members.

Last screening: la notte. The old Italian classic from 196o starring Marcello Mastro.... great cinematography. Good use of b/w shadows and placement. Typical Italian intellectual film. lots of silence. Lots of cynicism. Lots of oh life is so boring and predictable so lets smoke and make love.

Current spin; songs from the harvest. Folk and world stuff. Good tunage.

Don't answer the question. Answer the question that you wanted to be asked. This was something I learned from mcnamara. Tricky. This is what politicians do. This is why most interviews and speeches and debates with politicians are so uninteresting and irrelevant. this is why they are known as snakes and generally criminally minded. It takes a special kind of mind to be that underhanded on a regular basis and still sleep.


Also, another angle, perhaps more preferable to the enlightened, answer the question but do it in a way that is least offensive. I call this the bottle cap method. When we open a soda pop bottle and there is a contest and we lose, the cap doesn’t say you lost. It says drink coke, try again. what they are saying is you lose. But they never say it. fascinating. There is something to be gained from that.




Everyone is calling for Karl rove, the mysterious dark lord ass sucking robot behind the dark side of the force, to step down or be fired due to the CIA leak. When I noticed the news headline passing by a television on s street somewhere the first thought I had was ‘good get the guy the hell out of there.’ but what I noticed immediately afterwards is that I didn't even know the facts. I mean, I hated the guy, granted, he's, well, lets say I hate his ideaolgoies, his methods, his vision for America; so maybe as a person he's an alright guy, who knows, but in his role in government I would rather see him ousted, but I had no right to automatically start assuming that he was guilty before proven so. good lesson. I have a feeling we all do that too often with one another.

Think> what if rather than playing the critic we looked for what we got out or could get out of everything. books and movies and music. I am such the critic and today just decided that rather than judging things based on what I think of them in the bigger picture like this is good this was bad I instead just reflected on and commented on what I did get out of it. after all, if one is perceptive and aware enough one can get a few things out of almost everything. (well almost almost everything. not including that movie anchorman. I didn't get more than ten minutes through that one before I broke the DVD in two and sent it back to netflix.) But a good idea though, and one I will attempt to practice from this point forward in my life to see how it serves.


Last screening: AI. Disturbing film. at first problematic due to the mom and dad characters just not being good enough in a way that I cannot put my finger on, but as it moves it gets better. The mom is whiny and annoying, hard to empathize with, and the dad is like cardboard, plastic, they didn't write him well enough, you cannot relate to him at all. but the boy, wow, good stuff. the story of the boy and the bear tugs at your heart. you feel as if it could be an allegory for real life. this is a great story. We could explore the ideas in it a lot more. its like a modern day fairy tale. This is one of his greatest achievements as a filmmaker.

For the record (skip this if you are easily offended by such content) I began experimenting with herbs and nutrients aimed specifically for men, or for men's sexual health. And for sexual health and libido in general. Don't ask me why, because I'm too young to need them that's for sure but I was just curious and wanted to check the whole thing out and see what I could experience out of it.

Found the following: muira puama, catuaba, maca, nettles, tribulus, damiana, Arginine, gotu kola, ginseng, magnesium.

These are the most favored herbs and nutrients and vitamins for this and all have various different effects and reasons for their usage and benefits. I was most interested in libido enhancing and ability to increase erection duration and frequency. Again, no reason and no need but just wanted to see what the effects were. Perhaps I could get ten erections in a day instead of five... lol! that type of thing. again, crazy and probably superfluous to say the least.

Being an extremist I just started to take them all at once throughout the day just to see what happened. The prob is that some of them increase testosterone and that is how they help men. The prob for me is that I don't need any more testosterone and there is a good chance it could lower my singing range/voice pretty quickly. Which did happen. you can tell when they are working because your voice lowers and you feel more rage and confidence and manliness, for lack of a better word. You feel stronger and your muscles feel tighter. You feel more energy and anger easily. You also do notice more erections. Which isn't necessarily a good thing if you already are pretty regular and don't plan on having sex ten times a day. but I was impressed that they work so quickly.

I also noticed that the size of the old boy increased measurably. I wouldn’t want to run into that in a dark alley one night. it was and still is a sight to behold. Although possessing it requires wearing larger pants unfortunately. Presently in the running for the eighth wonder of the world from what I hear. The problem though is that my ability to ejaculate went down noticeably. Yes frequency of erections were increased. Yes the size increased. Yes the duration of erections was measurably increased. But that's not necessarily a good thing. I found it much more difficult to ejaculate. In all frankness, skip this if its not your thing or you are squeamish, I have found that I can just go for as long as one would ever want to and still not ejaculate. I'm talking an hour or more. totally erect. Even to the point of just plain boredom or pain due to going so long. Some girls’ dream. Other girls’ nightmare. Depending on the girl and the situation I would guess. frankly, I have not found this to be a good benefit. Kind of a pain in the ass. or rather, a pain in the penis.

Recommendation, if you don't need it, don't mess with it. if its not broke don't fix it. but at least now I know that in thirty or forty years that if the need ever arises that this stuff is out there and works. try at your own risk. don't say I didn't warn you.


Last screening: the quiet American with Michael caine. Good movie.

Current read: the Methodist way, history of the Methodists.

Current spin: paloalto, a good Britpop band from America.

Bombs blasted London England today while we were sleeping here in the US. I have many friends, family, and loved ones there, including Sir Richard, and my little cuzzie Rosie. From what I know, they are o.k. But almost one-hundred people have been reported killed so far.

The western media has already begun its barrage of half truths and propaganda. They will spend the next few weeks telling the people of “the free world,” anyone who will listen, and most will, that these are “terrorist attacks” and that “they were unwarranted, cowardly, and intolerable” and that “the perpetrators will be brought to justice.”

This western media will not print or report or mention to the people that England invaded the country of Iraq two years ago, that they have along with a few other large countries been responsible for the deaths of over one-hundred thousand Iraqis, is still bombing and occupying this country, and in fact is at war with this tiny country. they will not print or report that the attacks on England are retaliatory in any way. they will not print or report anything signaling that England is at war and all is fair in love and war etc, and that if they attack a country they might get attacked back in the process. That is what war is. and what it is all about. the media will pretend that they don't know what war is. and will act surprised and horrified and befuddled as to why London was bombed.

In the meantime we in the western world are still relatively free as long as we continue to take in and believe this rather unique form of one sided journalism. In fact, as good citizens of the free world, we are to believe that England along with the United States were justified in their invasion of Iraq, that they are not terrorists themselves, but perhaps “world police,” or “friendly liberators” or “friendly and temporary occupiers or invaders.” We are to believe if we are good citizens that the one hundred thousand or more Iraqi deaths are justified and necessary and warranted and good. and that the 100 people killed in England are not justified, not warranted, and not good. we are told to believe that the English and the US are not terrorists when they kill a hundred thousand Iraqis, but that the bombers of the UK today are terrorists.

If you are indeed a free and thinking person you are very confused by this point and find it hard to know what to believe no matter where you live in the free world. if you are a person living somewhere in the middle east or a Muslim you probably are equally confused, sad, and yet you probably know exactly what to believe. It is probably very far from that which is being reported by the western media.


[the below is something I just received from a musician friend who is a super talented mofo in the Miami music scene and an all around great cat. But he has a totally different take on it than I do or most other musicians and entertainers. I reprint it here just to show that you never can really be sure about these things... everyone has their opinion... see below for commentary from the ambassador...

Jul 08 - London Bombings
“It goes without saying that our hearts go out to our comrades in England. Once again, I have to ask: When are we gonna stop jerking around with Koran abuse investigations and start killing these Al Queda pricks? They are uncivilized Nazis; if you don''t lose sleep over what we did to the Nazis during and after WW2, I don''t know why you''re upset with anything we do to these scumbags, whether it''s in Guantanimo Bay or on the battlefield. Before you think I''m going insane by saying this, here''s a little history lesson: When the allies discovered the concentration camps in WW2, they lined up all the German guards - sometimes hundreds at a time - and machine-gunned them into ditches. No trial. No Geneva convention protections. They just rounded them up, shot them dead and threw dirt on them. Do you think they should have been tried for war crimes? Now we throw our guys in jail for putting underwear on people's heads and, as that treasonous dick Dick Durbin says, "torturing captives with loud rap music." Loud rap music? Jesus - by those standards, I'm tortured every day, since I live and drive in Miami!”]

you see? Someone can be a GREAT musician and still think this way. fucking crazy really. But people do think this way. normal everyday folk that we hang with and chill with and jam with can think this way. and that's the confusing part. This guy is a cool guy, but he is clueless. I asked him, are our American military men over in Iraq bad guys? are they evil fuckheads?’ his answer of course was no. so what makes their guys who just bombed London bad guys? don't you see that we are in a war? That the rules now are that both sides get to kill each other and as many of each other as they can till they decide to make peace? That's the only rule. We honor our service men just as they honor their servicemen. In the heart of every Iraqi, probably in the heart of every Muslim, is the same kind of admiration and hope for their soldiers to defeat us, as we have for our own soldiers. so we choose drop millions of tons of bombs and kill thousands of people at one time, and they choose to suicide bomb and throw little grenades and kill tens of people at one time because they can’t afford the ammunition that we have. that makes them terrorists? That makes them right and us wrong? don't believe the hype my brother.

he goes on to remind me of earlier attacks on the world trade towers or on the USS Cole. I go on to remind him of Vietnam, that America has been dishonest and unfair for as long people can remember since world war two... perhaps earlier... that the French were imperialists and were trying to maintain their control over Vietnam and Vietnam was trying to fight for its independence from them, just as we were from doing the same thing with England during the revolutionary war. That they even marched through the streets shouting out their own declaration of independence that they copied many lines from ours, the American declaration of independence. This is true. but instead of helping Vietnam become a democracy and excape from the colonial powers of the French dictatorship, we secerty were funneling billions of dollars in aid to the French. obviously they had cut a deal with us to cut us in on whatever natural resources they were stealing from the Vietnamese or whatever it was they were getting from them. big countries don't occupy small countries unless they have something to gain from it. that is why America Germany France Italy Spain and England are not occupying the smaller countries of Africa and why we have let them all die and starve to death by the millions over the years. because there is nothing there for us to gain. So we leave them alone. We do not occupy them. we do not colonialiize them. we do not liberate them. we do not help them. because it is not our business because we have nothing to gain from them. but Vietnam was different. Even in the face of the entire world seeing Vietnam fifght for its independence as a free democracy aginast the tyranny of France domination, the United States stood up for France and tried to defeat the Vietnamese so they would continue to be ruled and dominated by France. Finally when it appeared that France was going to lose, we told the world that the Vietnamese were communists and that communism was a scary thing. so that was our excuse. We flew half way around the world with half a million men and invaded this country that was willing to fight till the very last man to earn its independence as a free democracy. We killed over 1.3 million of them. we bombed their neighboring countries Cambodia and in the process causes so much upheaveal that we destroyed their entire governmental system and over a million people were killed in the ensuing disruptive chaos that came about there. we then bombed their other neighbor, laos, and killed hundreds of thousands of them as well. and we continued to kill millions of Vietnamese. And they continued to tell us that they were going to fight us till every man was dead because they wanted to becasoe a free country like we were. Our governemnet killed fifty thousand United States boys and men in this war and we were never threatened. We were never attacked. The people were asleep and the people let this happen. and if you study your history you will see that the United States government has bene doing this continually all over th world ever since world war two. I know its been said before but if you count it all up, the United States government has killed over 8 million people since world war two in terrorist attacks agasint other countries.

so when people say that there was no reason why some guys bombed the trade centers the first time or the uss Cole, it just means that they don't know what they are talking about. they believe everything they hear on the news. its not that we are bad people. we’re not. we’re great people. its just that we have yet to learn what our forefathers taught us in all of their books and articles and famous documents... that we the people are the important part of the equation here. not our government. When our governments gets too far out of hand, as it did with Vietnam, as it is doing now in Iraq, we need to stop them or ask them to leave. They work for us. how much death are we willing to allow? How many of our own men are we willing to lose while we sit around and watch TV and try to pretend that this isn't happening because its happening in Iraq instead of in America?

London bombings... well of course there are London bombings. And there are bound to be American bombings as well. our country has just attacked another country.



Last screening: fog of war: eleven lessons from Robert mcnamara. Talk about irony in light of current events. This movie is A MUST SEE. It is fantastic. Rent it.

Eleven lessons
Importantly, these eleven lessons that lend structure to The Fog of War were created by Errol Morris; they are not explicitly McNamara's (at the aforementioned UC Berkeley event, McNamara contended that he did not agree with Morris's interpretations in all respects). McNamara eventually went public with his own list of lessons, which can be found below.
When pushed to apply his "lessons" to the US invasion of Iraq, McNamara refused, arguing that former Secretaries of Defense should not comment on the policy of the current Secretary of Defense. McNamara suggested that other people were welcome to apply his lessons to Iraq if they wanted to, but that he would not explicitly do it, and noted that his lessons were more general than any particular military conflict (he had indeed written them some time before the Iraq war).

Robert McNamara's 11 lessons from Vietnam
• We misjudged then — and we have since — the geopolitical intentions of our adversaries … and we exaggerated the dangers to the United States of their actions.
• We viewed the people and leaders of South Vietnam in terms of our own experience … We totally misjudged the political forces within the country.
• We underestimated the power of nationalism to motivate a people to fight and die for their beliefs and values.
• Our judgments of friend and foe alike reflected our profound ignorance of the history, culture, and politics of the people in the area, and the personalities and habits of their leaders.
• We failed then — and have since — to recognize the limitations of modern, high-technology military equipment, forces and doctrine…
• We failed as well to adapt our military tactics to the task of winning the hearts and minds of people from a totally different culture.
• We failed to draw Congress and the American people into a full and frank discussion and debate of the pros and cons of a large-scale military involvement … before we initiated the action.
• After the action got under way and unanticipated events forced us off our planned course … we did not fully explain what was happening and why we were doing what we did.
• We did not recognize that neither our people nor our leaders are omniscient. Our judgment of what is in another people's or country's best interest should be put to the test of open discussion in international forums. We do not have the God-given right to shape every nation in our image or as we choose.
• We did not hold to the principle that U.S. military action … should be carried out only in conjunction with multinational forces supported fully (and not merely cosmetically) by the international community.
• We failed to recognize that in international affairs, as in other aspects of life, there may be problems for which there are no immediate solutions … At times, we may have to live with an imperfect, untidy world.
• Underlying many of these errors lay our failure to organize the top echelons of the executive branch to deal effectively with the extraordinarily complex range of political and military issues.
Source: Globe and Mail, Jan. 24, 2004



Current spin: muse, origin of symmetry. And mouse on mars, brilliant stuff here. makes me want to put down the pop-rock axe and just make art music. but of course then I'll be totally broke and won't make any money from music... hey hold on, that's where I'm at now. hhhmmm....

For the record, the Battle still raging with Cleo. She continues to lie deceive and manipulate consistently to the point and beyond where my counsel doubts her “measurable sanity.” I am told the only reason I don't is because I am so accustomed to it.

For over two days now we have been involved in a Cuban Missile Crisis here of our own. each not wanting to make a move for fear it will disturb the whole process and order of things and everyone will lose. But no one seems to care about the other as much for themselves. It is a lesson I have learned more than once in this lifetime, and yet here I am seeing it play out yet again. if everyone plays their hand fairly and justly we will all win; no one will get hurt and no one will suffer guilt or go out of integrity. But I seem to be the only one involved who sees this as a possible conclusion to this battle. At least in the honor of Sneed/once Ferret, I will admit that it appears that he is out for himself above all others, even life long friends, but he is honest and forthright in admitting it and does not attempt to deceive or hide it. as heartbroken as I am by his ability to sell me out for cash, I am impressed that he is not a liar, he does not intentionally deceive but just lays his cards out on the table and says it like he sees it. he wants what he wants and he is willing to dishonor the past twenty years of our friendship to get it, but he is honest in admitting it. that I will give him. this is for fifty thousand dollars. A mere pittance for the price of a friendship if you ask me, or several friendships as the case is here. but every man has his price. Lesson one of many.

Cleo on the other hand will stop at nothing. We had one of the strongest boldest most cherished long lasting relationships two people could ever hope for. it was by all accounts and evidenced by the innumerable songs I have recorded and released about us an amazing and deeply fulfilling love affair. Lasting more than six years. when you are that close to someone for that long you just assume certain truths to be self evident about the two of you and your long term standing in each others lives. But people change. They forget. Just because you and another person promised to love each other forever and spent countless years staring into each other’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings to one another and sharing your hopes and dreams together and made more love together than you could ever recall, just because you helped each other through innumerable tortuous events and sicknesses and traumas and dramas and celebrated life together as if there were no one else in the world but just the two of you and swore you'd die for each other does not mean that if you ever break up that both of you will remember that or honor that or respect that. things change. People change. They want what they want and usually that's money. and money to many people is more important that past love or promises. Lesson two.

Something else. just because you are a good person that doesn’t mean that other people are going to be a good person back to you. you can be as honest and as open and as fair minded as you can possibly imagine but that doesn’t mean that the other will reciprocate. You can have the best intentions for someone, care for them, support them, loan to them, pray for them, and love them deeply, but that does not mean that they will recognize it or feel the same way towards you. this is a phenomenon of humanity and the challenge of living and giving unconditionally. It takes a strong person to understand this and live by it. You can fall asleep proud of who you are and happy that you are doing the right thing, but you can wake up the next day to discover that you are being royally fucked in the ass by the same person you are being kind and honest and generous with. lesson three.

Heartbroken. Shock. Agony and disbelief.


Current spin: MUSE, absolution. This is such an amazing CD. this is what coldplay would be if the world were a perfect place. and I love cold play and don't even agree with comparing bands but MUSE should be where coldplay is right now. although Chris is just so passionate and emotive a singer. you know what, I take it back. they're both fucking great... ALTHOUGH... I also just started listening to the new coldplay CD, XY, and it is way too similar to the last, which I know was a very calculated move on their whole camp’s part in order to secure good repeat sales from established fans, but repeats aren't my thing. still need to dig in more because I have mad respect for Chris and the boys.

Last screening: team America, world police. From the same crazies who brought us the South park movie, this one is equally if not much more offensive and shocking. But somehow still really fucking good at the same time. just funny. Over the top junior high school funny.

There is something that happens when you are learning a language whereby there is a part of you that studies the language, the grammar, the spelling, the why and where and how, and there is another part of you that is almost more primitive that just repeats the sounds you hear without even really knowing what you're saying. its like you kick back and let go so to speak and just go with it and the language just clicks in your brain and you find yourself able to recall how to say things that you don't specifically remember studying. But its just in your brain and comes out of your mouth.

As if you're a parrot or a dog or something. one assumes that cats and dogs and other pets don't necessarily rationally think about the language that they speak or the language that humans speak. We assume that we’re just training them to sit when they hear sounds that sound like “sit” due to conditioning. They probably have no idea what's going on except that if they do it their master will be happy and if they don't do it their master will be mad and they will be in trouble. We can learn a lot from this style of learning, as it relates to learning other languages. Mocking or mimicking the language without breaking each word down and their meanings. Just let go and spit out sentences as you hear them. I am surprised how much it seems to help.







Spent all day on napster and itunes and real rhapsody checking out all the new music. real rhapsody is fucking awesome although there is a lot it doesn’t have. (although not for us as artists because we only get a few cents everytime someone plays one of our songs as opposed to itunes where we get like 65 cents per song downloaded – but then again, who wants to download if you can just go to rhapsody or napster and listen as much as you want to and pay one monthly fee?) I am liking this a lot as a music fan. great for singles. Not good if you like whole albums. but then again, most artists are not creating whole great albums, though some are. for groups that you just want to check out this is an awesome feature and well worth the ten bucks a month. Over all I think digital downloading is coming along quite nicely. I still agree that peeps who download or listen for free without permission are creeps and weasels and should be punished as criminals since what they are doing is criminal. But really now, there is no need to do that with rhapsody and napster out there. anyone can afford ten bucks a month.



Anyway so I'm checking out the new bands and artists and no wonder so few bands and even established artists can break these days. There is so many bands out now. its overkill. Total over saturation. The only stuff we notice is the stuff that's shoved down our throats by powers that be with tons of money. all the bands now sound like the early eighties. They call it the eighties revival. Listening to sterephonics. This is flock of seagulls. The bravery. This is just new order mixed with u2 and kajagoogoo etc. the killers have been making fun of and insulting the bravery which is quite hilarious because both bands have the same sound, sounding like out takes from the cure. one band says the other is the real thing etc.... this is really funny how much all these bands sound like the eighties and like each other and although slightly original they still are sounding like other bands with not a lot new to offer. (there is great original music out there. lots of it. muse is great and sounds like only muse except for the fact that they also sound like Buckley Radiohead ours remy zero. But that's just because they are all coming from the same place. but still, when muse comes on you know its muse. And there is way more original music than that but I'm just talking about bands that people may have heard of.)

I must confess that I like the killers because they write good songs, but its uncanny how much it sounds like some lost early eighties bands like the cure. there is even a famous blur song with the same lyrics as girlfriend/boyfriend etc... same chorus.

You know, I wasn't old enough to make music in the early eighties but towards the end of the eighties I was and my first album came out in the late eighties when I was still a kid and for me then it was just about finding my ability, wasn't a lot of thought that went into it. I could barely play an instrument or make music. I didn't know how to sing or that people even knew how to sing. back then I didn't like the idea of sounding trendy or like everyone else on the radio so I tried hard not to, and now that that same exact sound is back I still don't like the idea of trying to sound like that. even though we are always and have always been advised to try to sound like what's currently happening at the time. that's been the curse of my entire career so to speak, but then again, maybe its been a blessing.

There is this record exec in nyc for a large indie label who advises us at times, tells me to listen to what's in right now while we are recording our new CD, and as well in regards to our last one. that we need to check out the sound that is hot right now. I think we all appreciate the advice. But if that means sounding like everyone else, like all these other eighties revival lookalike soundalike bands, then that's not our scene. We make music that we like. We just do what comes out of us. there is this tendency in the music biz like in all art-businesses to do what everyone else is doing. Two years ago there were hundreds of songs that came out that tried to sound like crazy in love. Hundreds of bands that tried to look and sound like back street boys or nsynch or Britney spears. when you say staind or disturbed or nirvana or creed or pearl jam or 3 doors down or matchbox or green day you can immediately think of hundreds of other bands that sound like that. get ready for hundreds of songs that are going to try to sound like hollback girl because that is such a good song.

But for me, I'd rather just keep doing what I do and even more trying to Stretch the boundaries of what that sound is. I know I know, people keep saying Fishy you have to try to find one sound.... but as a listener and as an artist I find it very unfulfilling. People are constantly commenting on coldplay right now good an bad which is a good thing because people are talking. that means people are paying attention. and how could they not. they're everywhere. the promo budget on that album had to have been around 3 to 5 mill. But speed of sound sounds almost exactly like clocks except just not as good. almost as good but just AS good. but you have to love Chris. He just comes off so sincere that you cannot help but forgive his current love of this particular sound. lets face it, the more experimental you are, the less accepted you are going to be, the less well known to the masses. and yet... I think of hollaback girl as a great example of a rather experimental sounding song, or work it by missy Elliot... and yet its so hot you just gotta love it. so who the fuck knows. it still fits into the framework of contemporary pop though. That's the key really. Experiment but keep it accessible. Don't go off the map so much that people can’t relate to it.

With me the other night I had this visions pop in my head, the other morning actually.

Live 8 notes:
First off, imagine being a kid and watching live aid on TV and just totally assuming that if there ever is another one, you're going to be playing it, because after all, you are a rock God, and you just know that when you grow up you're going to be playing at live aid if they ever have another one. now imagine flashing forward twenty years. there's another live aid, you're all grown up, and you're still sitting in front of the TV with your friends watching live aid. Don't mind me, I always take large daggers and stab them into my heart just for the fun of it.

So this is the record of where the ambassador is now. here. at this time. and I know there are tens of thousands of bands and artists all over the world who are thinking the same thing. but it still sucks ass and is a great big reality check and wake up call. You gotta just keep going. as an artist, no matter what the medium, you just keep doing it because that's what you do. but it still is not without its inherent pain when you aren't as celebrated and filthy rich as you assumed you would be one day when you were a wee little lad sitting on the living room floor watching the big kids perform on TV. o.k. next.


Live 8 this year was effing awesome. hands down. It was history. And went off without a hitch except for MTV getting in the way. what a line up. this thing was put together brilliantly. But the MTV coverage of live 8 was so bad that we ended up turning it off. It was just awful. Forget that the hosts/commentators were ignorant smiling puppet jack-asses. That's not a big deal; its expected that they just keep making one dumb irrelevant and redundant comment after another because that is the nature of MTV now, even in high school that was the nature of MTV. But there would be some awesome performance happening right behind them on the stage, but they would focus on these two smiling jackass commentators talking to each other for ten minutes about nothing. They would say ‘there is just so much good music happening here right now...’ and you would hear the music in the background coming from the stage. But they wouldn’t show it and you would be fuming what the fuck is wrong with these people??? why aren't they showing us the great music??? it was crazy. our favorite exchange of the day was this: “and over 11 million people are logging on to the website and signing this petition and I bet there are people signing that just aren't in Philadelphia.” “yes, I bet you're right. no truer words have been spoken” says the guy and you wonder who are these morons? Where did they get them from? and why are they on our TV?

It was frightening how idiotic it was. I don't know if we just woke up one day and realized that we had outgrown MTV or if MTV just got dumber or what. but anyway forget about all that, PINK FUCKING Floyd GOT TOGETHER AND FUCKING JAMMED FOUR SONGS. WHAT A TREAT. FUCKING A WAS THAT GREAT OR WHAT?! THEY SOUDNED AWESOME. ROGER WAS RATHER A ROCK STAR POSER WASN'T HE, BUT IT WAS ALL IN GOOD FUN. God IF THEY FUCKING TOUR... THE LAST OF THE GREAT ROCK BANDS ALL STILL ALIVE AND ACTUALLY ABLE TO PULL IT OFF. This was IT for live 8. this was the “queen moment” if you will.

The “cause” notes:
What about poverty in America? Why should we share our supposed money – I didn't think we had any – to help other countries half way around the world when there are plenty of people here in America who are starving. What money do we have here that schools all over America can’t even afford text books and libraries and auditoriums.... Natalie Portman and Dave Matthews came on and talked about how important it is for us because we are so rich to share all of our money with poorer nations.... and I was just sitting there thinking quietly,,, are they just so removed from America that they don't know how fucking poor people have it here still? what money? again, what fucking money are they talking about? does no one know what a deficit is? or what a national debt is? do none of these well intentioned but misinformed people understand that we are not in the black, that we are in the red? That we are more in debt now as a nation than we have ever been in the history of our country? that we don't have any money? that we are IN FUCKING DEBT?! That we cannot afford to feed our own people here who are hungry, or house the homeless, or that our prison systems are overcrowded, or that forty percent of the population doesn’t have health insurance?!!! I mean, what the fuck is going on here??? its like some kind of mass hypnotic delusion that everyone is living in. they think we are rich. And yet we are in debt and way behind the eight ball. Fucking crazy.



And I'm not saying that it wasn't a good idea. I mean fucking a it was a great idea. it was a miraculous idea. It was a brilliant idea. it was well as Chris martin maybe the greatest event in history. A good cause and a good time. all I'm thinking here is do we really have all this extra cash here in the states? and if we do, why do we still have all these supposed “lack of money” problems here? something doesn’t make sense.



[I sponsor two poor children through the save the children foundation. And I have for about four years now. trust me, it isn't easy when you are trying to live like a millionaire on a starving artist income. But I could do more if I just wasn't so addicted to over spending. Even when it sucks to do it, I force myself because I figure if I cannot at least do that when I'm spending five fucking dollars on a coffee from Starbucks then I'm a royal asshole. Still I'm a royal asshole for not sponsoring more kids and foregoing the five dollar coffee. But that's America. That's the twisted thing we have going here that the rest of the world loves and hates so much, capitalism at its finest. Can’t feed the hungry and homeless but can afford eleven dollar drinks at a happy hour or five dollar smoothies from jamba juice everyday. A weird phenom for sure. So anyway that's not my point. My point is that my kids were from Brasil. But then one day I was talking with the lady on the phone and she told me that I could change that if I wanted to, to some American children. And I said well we don't have starving children in America. And she said sure we do. plenty of them. there are rural parts of America that are just as poor as Brasil or Africa... and I was like what the fuck? So there it is. lets clean up our own backyard first before we go tackling the neighbors back yard.... starving children in America? Can you even fucking believe it? crazy I know. makes me feel so confused. And then we have these poor entertainers coming on TV telling us to share some of our wealth with Africa... it just isn't congruent. Something is off. It just doesn’t make sense. That's the point.]

last screening: constantly watching the performances on aol. Check it here: http://music.channel.aol.com/live_8_concert/london_philly_toronto


Current spin: Alizadeh, Musique Iranienne. This is one of the most famous Taar players in iran. Beautiful music. old world. tears at your heart.

Well its effing July already isn't it. that means the second half of the year has already kicked in. unbelievable.

How much have we accomplished? Remember all those new years resolutions? Man, have we done anything at all? time to kick it into overdrive!

Realization today about how much time is spent thinking about doing things but not doing them. how much time is spent planning things and wondering how to accomplish things rather than just sitting down to do them. mostly I was thinking about those two screenplays I have been trying to finish that are on my new years resolution list. I hate fucking writing. just sitting here writing like that. a truly painful process. The TV show I feel like I am making good progress. The new album we are slowly making progress and NIC is chugging along slowly picking up more and more fans and sales. We haven't toured yet this year and still don't have an agent even, so that sucks. I got through three semesters of French and have a basic understanding of it. that's good.

More time needs to be spent getting more done. Less social and more doing of things. two biggest current setbacks I have noticed: one, my ADD, hard for me to focus on one thing unless I take a sedative of some kind. fucked up but true. straight my mind is like a rat in a small cage, always going in a million miles an hour. half a valium or other, and I'm smooth sailing. Two, other people are slow as shit and my work that they are doing is piling up so fast that they can never keep up with me and the tasks I assign. That sucks. Option is to hire more and more people but then you get into that situation where you are going broke paying such a large staff.

Have to find a way to curb these setbacks. God grant me the answers. Help me to achieve it all.



Current spin: Shusha, Persian love songs and mystic chants. This is a very hard CD to come by. These songs are very old traditional songs from Iran.