Saturday, December 28, 2002


Woke up this morning at the Artisan’s House because we stayed up so late. She walked by as I was waking. "You’re the girl with the blond ponytail that the psychic told me about a few months ago." "What?" "Yea. Really. She said it would be out west. And there you are with a blond ponytail. And here I am out west. Fucked up."

Mom had a Christmas party. Lots of people. Mostly new-agers. Today, we heard it all. But it was so refreshing being around people that are on the cutting edge of brain, mind, and spiritual research and practices, all coming together to hang out and explore and share, all different ages. Very different from a music party, where the talk is always music and pop culture, success and money, looks and your next gig. Real sincere, genuine people talking about things like, the messages from Michael books, the Abraham Hicks tapes, remote viewing, est, ESP, landmark forum, Avatar, scientology, reiki, channeling the other side, psychic healing, etc. Brother Beav walks in and stays for about a half hour, says, "dude there's a bunch of freaks in there man..." "I know bro, but just appreciate it. Not everyone can eat white bread you know." Not your typical parents Christmas party though, that's for sure.

Thinking. Must we possess everything that we find beautiful? Do we have to take a picture of everything we find captivating? Do we have to tape every show we like on TV or buy every movie we like on DVD? Or make love to every woman we find attractive? What is that?

What if one day you just decided to stop censoring yourself from that moment on? Decided to just accept that everything is O.K. just the way it is. To not be impatient or fed up, or wanting more or always telling yourself that you shouldn’t think that, or be this way or that way. What if you just decided to be cool with the way that you are, like this feeling just started to overtake you that everything is alright, that you are alright just the way you are. And what if you caught yourself now and then when you second guessed yourself or got frustrated with a thought you had, and just there in the moment in a matter of milliseconds thought, "you know on second thought, that's perfectly alright that you're that way or that you thought that. Don't even worry about it." For the last three days I have been feeling more and more of that. It feels like this really loving warm self acceptance. Like a moving away from resistance and wanting and moving towards acceptance and happiness. It feels like bliss. I don't know where it came from, I mean, aside from the fact that I have been diligently and consciously working on achieving that state for years. So yes. There it is. Lets hope it sticks around.

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