You cannot force someone to be with you. And you cannot force yourself into being with someone you do not want to be with. I'm talking about in all relationships. Romantic and otherwise. Now the interesting thing is that we do it all the time anyway, try to force these relationships. But it doesn’t feel right inside. I don't think its fair to either of the parties involved. People do it for a variety of reasons... to avoid resisted experiences. Out of fear mostly. But I've never been good at it. we have to try harder to be more real. To be more honest. With ourselves. And with everyone else. we have to be strong enough to acknowledge to ourselves how we feel and to voice it to others. Its not easy, but it feels good in the end. it unsticks us. loosens us up and frees our attention and creative energy again. I can feel when I have something dishonest in me. Sometimes it is just the ‘not saying anything.’ That's enough to make you feel ‘stuck.’ Not saying something is just as bad sometimes as saying something that isn't true. omission of the truth is not the truth.

I am writing the song here it comes. I am in love with it and haven't stopped singing in my head for a week now. Nonstop it plays and nothing I have listened to has managed to remove it from the center of my brain. Like a broken record playing endlessly. The interesting thing about this baby is that the structure of it is almost the exact same as better luck next time—the chords are almost the same. Very close to the same song. But an entirely different melody. I love this about it—though the guys have been taking the piss out of me a bit for it being so similar. But I don't think there are any rules in songwriting. You go through your blue period and you paint a hundred paintings of blue canvas with cubes or circles. So what? What I love is that the melody and meaning of the song is so different from blnt. Even though the chords are the same. We stumbled upon it from trying to rehearse blnt actually. Which makes it all the more cooler. It is a song of hope. Whereas blnt was a song about giving up in a way. Accepting defeat. This one is different. Hope is all we have right now.

Played our final show in Miami tonight. A subtle no frills affair. In fact I believe I may have been the only one in the band who even knows this fact at the moment. I've told the guys that I'd like to record one more album before the tour and before I move. I have about thirty songs from the last few months and about ten of them I really like. We could get it done in a few weeks and have it ready to go for release early next year since nothing is cohesive isn't even out yet. nothing is cohesive is a great fucking little record. a real throwback. I hope the fans like it as much as we do.
   
Last screening: rock and roll hall of fame awards. Very cool. Prince is back. At least for the time being. Watching the bit on prince really helped me in a lot of ways. Reminded me of things I had forgotten the last few years. This business is not easy. You forget things. Tend to forget who you are. I think that happened to me in the last year or so. So much so that we renamed the band just Transcendence. I mean talk about forgetting who you are! You take your name out of the band entirely. Tough call. Half the people in the camp telling me to name it just a band name. And half the people telling me just keep it my own name. The irony is that as soon as I named it a band name and took my name out of the picture, to really focus on it being a band and not just a solo thing, half the guys bailed on the band. So go figure. I just think I was scared shitless of all the attention being on me. Man I think that's been my problem since I first started. G2 has always told me dude just keep it your name. It is you man. Every album the band changes anyway. Can’t you just accept that and use your own name? Now he's begging me to name the new album my name, not transcendence. So I think were going to compromise. We’ll see.