Current Spin: the band Adom. They are from America, but in England now. good band. still boring though. Songwriting structure is still primitive and predictable. The poet, while playing Internet checkers, tells me as I relay this idea to him, that music needs to repeat in order for the listener to grasp it. interesting. ‘I will make a note that you said that,’ I tell him, ‘but I don't know if I agree with you.’ most songwriting works like this: start the theme, sing a verse, repeat it a few times, and then move on to your chorus or refrain and repeat it a few times, and then do it all again. Not all songs go that way. most have bridges. Which are usually a slightly different variant of the verses repeated a few times that climax into the chorus which will repeat twice as long this time until the song ends—we call that the outro, unless of course, it goes back to a third verse, this time though most instruments will drop out and it will just be vocals and bass and drums, which will then explode into the final chorus which will repeat twice. Nirvana exploited this format and perfected it. Personally I can’t down any of this. Because I've written hundreds of songs that follow this format, and so have all of my favorite artists throughout time immemorial. That's just the way that we are all used to developing as songwriters. That's the craft.

But every now and then someone will break the mold and of course that's when we all go bonkers because its so different and gutsy. Think of abbey road or the wall or diamond dogs. Think of almost any album by jethro tull. Think of Sigur Ross. (now that I think of it—I'm cheating actually because it’s the next morning—think of mbv, or the beastie boys or Beck) Radiohead used to write standard songs which were good but still boring and predictable most of the time, but then once they hit kid a they just threw it all out there and turned music upside down. I know that's when they lost a lot of fans but that's when I became a fanatic. My boys in U2 or Muse or Remy Zero or the Oils or Travis or Coldplay still write VERY predictably structured and standard songs—not breaking any boundaries in their structure because you can tell that’s not their aim as much as commercial accessibility—but somehow they pull it off. The songs are still great. Metallica on the other hand manages to break all the structural rules and still maintains its commercial appeal. I'm not a huge metallica fan mainly because I've never been into that kind of music but they're actually a great example of guys who just really broke all the rules structurally. They are an amazing band. the older I get the more I like them. the grateful dead were another group of guys who really broke away from it entirely. they have these mammoth verses that seem to take forever to resolve. You have to listen to the song twenty times to ‘get it.’ great music for stoners. That's why their only hits were their really simple cheesy songs. Not their best. their best songs were the ones that just went on forever, always charting new territory which each new musical passage. Brilliant songwriting in the Dead’s large library.

I spent so many years during the Shattered years trying to stray away from that kind of structure. I hit a stage where I just refused to write a standard song. I also was extremely unsuccessful commercially and as the story goes struggled at below poverty level for longer than should be allowed for my unwillingness to give in to the commercial powers that be. all my friends and family would beg me to drop all the artistic nonsense for a while just so I could make some money and not have to struggle so much. But you do what you do when you're doing it. that's what I was into at the time. you can still hear remnants of that on the acoustic in new York album—that was the apex, the swan song, of that period for me. The six to ten minute long songs that were trying to break structure boundaries. Between me and this old beat up laptop alone, I will admit that my best examples of that from that era were never recorded. The songs were too complex to work out with a band with the limited money and resources I had at the time. There is a song called ‘Friends’ that is my favorite. About ten minutes long. It just went on forever. All these little parts. Nothing repeated. I will record it one day if I can ever remember how it goes. The relearning process will be a bitch.

My last three albums were all about just trying to master the simple standard normal songwriting structure. Like when we were kids. Because it had been so long since I had written songs like those. It was fun again to be doing it like that. but now I'm bored with it again. A song like superhero girl. You don't get much more standard than that. [but I think about the song ‘the journey---which is just a bunch of little pieces of songs all put together, rather than standard structure—would have been even better if I wouldn’t have had two verses the same like that----that's what I mean—we do it just because its expected—but why do it at all? Repeat verses like that....] I have three more albums I want and need to make that will be pretty standard in the song structure. The songs are already written. The challenge is always getting the money and resources and the musicians together to record them. man I don't even think of the success of them or the commercial potential, I just need to get them out. after that, I would really like to explore more---where nothing repeats or resolves. break all the rules and just say fuck all to the whole structure thing.

Ps---I am up on the rooftop of our apartment in the ghetto smoking and writing. Bas yells up to me as he leaves for the night that I have really lost my mind and I need to make a move FAST. I think he's right. poor me is all I can say. My cynicism level has reached all time highs. Even for me he reminds me. once he mentioned it, I could see what he was saying. lost in a sea of uncertainty. I don't do well in uncertainty. That much I am certain of. Has it been worth it for me to chance it all on this music of mine and throw all caution and logic to the wind, even at the risk of going back to being a penniless pauper again, just so I could keep doing what my heart of hearts wants and enjoys most out of life? at this point, I can only reply that I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I just don't know if I have it in me to do anything else. that's the truth of it. its been said many times and indeed is as clichéd as your average number one song, but I'll say it again. Artists are not made. They are born. If there is any one thing that has kept me alive in the last three years it has only been that hunger to create more music. its like the same thing surfers or skydivers have. its just this unbridled lust for the next rush. In this case the rush is achieved from hearing that new music you just laid down coming through the speakers.