The Orgin of "Ambassador"

I was in the elevator and a terribly gay man began speaking with me. I certainly don't mean that it is terrible that he is gay; nor that we were speaking. better a terribly gay man than a wickedly ugly woman or an totally boring straight man. Straight men do tend to be more boring than gay men, don't they? I just mean that he was terribly gay. Or perhaps he was fantastically gay. Yes; better. He was indeed a fantastically gay man. If I were a gay man, I would want to be as fantastic as he was. Tight jean shorts. Tight short sleeve crew shirt. and of course he was carrying a picnic basket. Now if we weren't in South Beach, another man could get freaked out by that. but we are on South beach. So I'm past my getting freaked out phase. We had a nice chat and I watched him the whole time; as always the two of me: the reluctant participator and the eager observer. [forgive me if you’ve noticed; I am in love with the semi-colon as of late. I never understood the semi-colon before recently; now I cannot help but use it every chance I get.] 

So yes I'm watching this guy and we’re talking. and he's holding that picnic basket like he's little red riding hood. I notice up close for the first time in a while that gay mean speak differently. You can tell they are gay, or at least have a proclivity towards it, just from the way that they speak. Also from their hand gestures and the way they walk. and often from the way they stand and the looks they make with their faces. Gay men are notorious for that bitchy ‘don't bother me, I'm hot, this service sucks, and I'm tired’ look on their face, whereas straight men are more known for their ‘yo what's up ladies, God its fucking hot, dude you think that chick was looking at me?’ look on their faces. I love gay men because you get all that wonderful inspiring feminine energy without all the games. Not that gay men don't play games; from what I hear, they're the worst. But I'm not attracted to them in the least so I could give a shit about their games. If a gay guy starts playing games with you, and you’re straight, you just tell him to fuck off. Now if a woman starts playing games with you, and you're straight, forget about it, you're in trouble. Next thing you know, you're rolled up in the fetal position, or you're questioning the very meaning of life itself, or you end up in prison or something. Women can snare us into any number of games just from looking at us in a weird way.

Pause for a commercial break...

[this reminds me of this one Avatar course I was on in the deep north woods. There were about a thousand Wizards that had gathered for ten days to process and create the world a better place. at one point about five days into it, two of my closest straight friends were in huge creations about being gay; all of a sudden they just decided that they “might be gay” and it was something they needed to really look into. the king approaches me in an emotional panic... “your majesty, what is troubling you good sir?” I asked. “Good ambassador...” he paused, “Dude,” “yes?” “Dude I need to talk to you. for real. Without the code names...” “Without the code names?” I exclaimed, “O.k. I will try. you are upset aren’t you?” “Dude hear me out. I think I'm gay...” “What man?! Whatchou talkin’ ‘bout Willis?!” “Dude I'm serious. I've thought a lot about it and I think I might be gay... you think that's weird?” “No dude. I think its normal. But if you want to fuck me up the bum I'm going to think that's weird.” “Dude. I’m serious. I really need to explore this...” “Fine. How can I help?” “I don't know. I just need time to explore this and really see what's up for me...” “O.k. fine but this doesn’t mean that you’re going to have butt sex with the Court Jester; because that's really gross... I hear he's thinking he’s gay also. I don't know what got into you guys...” [for the record, since its asked so much, this is how I officially got the name the Ambassador. There’s a big group of us who live all over the world and we call ourselves ‘the tribe.’ We get together whenever we can, usually through Avatar courses or some other feel-good, new-age function. One year we all got together to walk on hot coals with Anthony Robbins. Things like that. Anyway, we all have these codenames. There’s the King. He's how we all know each other. Through him. So that's why we call him the King. There's the Queen, his wife of course. There's his Mistress. A long story. The Mayor. The Court jester. The Bard. The Spy. Etc. I've always been the social coordinator of our group, go figure, and so I was endowed with the codename of the Ambassador. So that should put a final end to that question.]  Anyway, so the king continued: “I just need to feel into this more bro...” “Dude feel into this... look over at Serena there...” I pointed to Serena who was standing in the corner talking to someone... “ she was wearing a tight fitting flowered skirt. “Now dude, look at Serena's ass. tell me when you see it. when you really see it.” “I see it.” “Now dude. What are you thinking while you're looking at her ass?” He laughs sheepishly... “I'm thinking how her ass would look naked or in her panties.” I smiled. “anything else?” “Yeah. I'm thinking about bending her over and doing her..” “Damn right you are bro. as well you should. Who wouldn’t be? you see? You're not gay.” “How do you know?” “Dude. I roomed with three gay guys in college for a year. me and three gay guys for a whole year. trust me. you're not gay. Gay guys don't think about bending over and doing every girl they see. We do. Trust me. you're not gay.” We high-fived and that was that.]

And now return to our regularly scheduled program  

Had this thought about gay guys and this whole uproar that mainstream America is in right now over same sex marriage while I was in the elevator with the gay guy. We’re talking and I'm watching him speak to me. so genteel, so female like, and yet still a man. Half and half. Caught in the middle. Something in the genes I'm thinking. just something in the genes, some kind of aberration. How come the right wing Christian mainstream don't understand this? that this isn't some temporary thing that these guys, or girls, have decided to be on a whim? That's the whole basis of their argument. That we shouldn’t be allowing them to change the rules of matrimony on their sudden change of taste. Christians and Muslims will argue with you till their blue in the face that gay people are simply choosing to be this way because they are experimenting or something... They got this idea in their heads that there is something wrong with people if they're gay... that they just woke up one day and decided to try being gay... now since the majority of us aware and perceptive thinking people know that that isn't true... that a lot of times gay people were pretty much born that way, just as we were born straight... I wonder why this strange breed of right wing mainstreamers never noticed gay people when we were younger, when we were kids. Why they never noticed that these people were gay since we were kids... you can see it in the way they walk and the way that they speak. Ever since we were kids we noticed it. Its obviously the way they were born... what's missing in the brain of these weird mainstreamers that they never noticed before? how can they possibly blame gay people for just being the way that they were born. If they really wanted to honor God then they would certainly want to honor all of the things that God has created just the way they are... this I'll never understand. But just as we expect the judgmental mainstreamers among us to grow up and accept people the way that they are, we must also attempt to accept them the way that they are.

Rockaway is in nyc still. the whole band is supposed to be up there playing. But we had cancelled our US summer dates for the Europe tour that never was. So rockaway is up there on his own. this morning he sends me an email:

“Dude, Hung out and got wasted with some of the guys from Jet last night. Had a great conversation with Moby, really cool conversation. And then I took home a stripper/female version of kid rock rapper chick and we stayed up all night naked drinking champaign and fucking. Gonna check out her show later. Fucking A dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish you guys were here.”

So that's what we’re missing. Hey man, that's rock and roll. That's why we love the game so much.

Last screening: de lovely. Ironically enough, the newest Cole porter biography, very gay this time, as compared to the first one with Cary Grant, which brushed over Cole’s tendency towards same-sex sex. The always brilliant Kevin Kline was thoroughly miscast somehow in this film and was just completely unbelievable as one of the greatest songwriters to have ever lived. Too bad. Because I love Cole porter and couldn’t wait to see the movie. Still walked away singing all the great songs, which was nice. But still it made me cry. I walked out very sad from Cole losing his wife. I thought about my own wife, where ever she is. and how much I will miss her when she dies. And how much I miss her now, even though we have yet to meet. My heart ached from it; from how much time together we are missing being away from each other. Ah the hopeless romantic.