I was in the bath. Called the artisan.
Hey artisan.
Hey Fishy, what a pleasant surprise, how are you?
I'm good. listen, how much do you weigh?
My oh my, what kind of a question is that sweetie?
I know it sounds crazy, but I'm taking some surveys; I just need to know. some girl I know wants to set me up with one of her friends and I found out her measurements and so I am calling a few girls I know so I can get a good idea of what this means.
Well Fishy you don't have to marry her. just go for coffee.
Yes I know, but I need to know what kind of getting together for coffee its going to be. you know, just need to know what to expect for things like this.
Well how tall is she?
She's 5’5.
O.k. well that's good. so am i.
Well how much do you weigh?
Well normally when you see me I weigh about 113, but I'm a bit lighter now.
o.k. 113. yeah that's nice. now does that include your breasts?
Oh stop it.
O.k. so lets assume that includes your breasts.... which are quite nice by the way. if you don't mind me saying so...
Fishy stop. But thank you.
So do you think 5’5 and 125 is too big for me then?
Well for you probably yes. but for a lot of men that would be perfect. but I know what you like and that may be a bit too big for you. depending on the size of her breasts of course. They may be very large. And you may like that. I don't know.
Well I like your body.
But you always said that I needed a bigger butt.
Well this is true. if you had another pound or two at least around your ass, that would really be quite perfect. but that doesn’t add up to 125 does it?
No sweetie, it sure doesn’t. but I think you should still at least go have some coffee with her...
Yeah, no harm in that. its just good to know what kind of go to have some coffee your going to have that's all. you know?
Yes I know....

Then we talked about boo boo kitty. How cute she is but I mentioned her short temper.
Yes she does have a short temper doesn’t she. [if you could only hear the voice of the artisan.... it is quite intoxicating. She is a very dreamy woman...]
The thing is that sometimes she just loses her temper and starts barking at people. and you know that's fine if you know her really well or you are related to her, but when you don't know someone that can be quite alarming.
Yes I know. when she starts acting that way towards me I just laugh at her.
Well so do i. I just tell her that she is being incorrigible. And then she laughs and askes me what the word means. I explain to her that the way that she is being is a perfect example of the definition of the word. But last night I took her to a very fancy place with some very fancy friends of mine and they made some comment about Michael Moore’s movie being full of holes and not very accurate and I swear to God she just started biting the guys head off. Right there at the table. And they didn't even know each other and here she is yelling at him.
Yes you must help her get over that Fishy. she listens to you.
Well my friend didn't know what to do. he felt so bad about it as if he must have really offended her. I felt awful.

Well just help her out of this creation Fishy. you can do it. she is learning a lot from you since you moved there. she really looks up to you. don't tell her I said so but she really admires a lot of your qualities and realizes that she can learn a lot from how you are.
Well that makes me feel good but I'll tell you, I'm still learning myself. That's a big responsibility and I'm a real bastard a lot of the time. and honestly I can’t seem to help myself. I hate that.
Oh I know. we all are. Its just part of being human. But you're wonderful sweetie. You're a very positive influence on those around you. you know that. you’ve taught me a lot.
Well, I try, but I fuck up all the time. I really fucking hate that. you know, I think the reason why we like Pride and Prejudice so much is because the characters are so perfect as people that it gives us something to aspire to. I wish we were more like that. I wish I was as perfect a man as Mr. Darcy.
I know! she sings... and perhaps we will be one day if we keep at it Fishy. perhaps one day we can be as absolutely perfect as Jane Austen characters, each and everyone of us. wouldn’t that be great?
Yes it would Artisan. That would be just great.

We had a brilliant production meeting today about the new reality TV show. It was filmed. the key is just to have a camera on me at all times we decided. We watched some of the footage that was already shot and it was truly hilarious! The guys said ‘people are going to watch this and think who the fuck is this guy and where does he come from?’