Cleo,

You always much more guarded and proper than I, but wow, sometimes, like tonight, G2 just received this email from of all people the Squirrel, asking how Fishy is and all that. Memories.

And then I am not going to my family’s house for thanksgiving due to so many things, money, etc, and I may go hang with Craig and Rachel OR go hang with Dasher and his family and GUESS who is now dating Dasher’s little sister who is like 18???? Your old friend Joel! Small world. so I will end up eating thanksgiving with that guy Joel. What a strange small world this is indeed.

Anyway, I just got back from an amazing party full of celebrities, me being the smartest and best looking of course... and am feeling a little tipsy, and just have such a longing to reconnect with you one day as true friends the way we did when we first met. I guess hearing about Joel and then that email from the Squirrel made me homesick for the connection we used to have.

Our connection is so forced sometimes, so unspoken, so fucking hard most of the time. So strained. Poor us I feel most of the time. I guess because of our current circumstances. How strange and crazy they are between us. how tumultuous it has been for us. how totally insane these nine years have been for us. half the time I feel as though you are my best friend in the world, at least my closest person in the world certainly, and half the time I feel like you are my arch enemy and just want to destroy me. How crazy indeed. How stupid.

Hey one day we are going to open and up and speak like we were kids again. once some more water washes under the bridge. Like best friends. I know and understand that in our present circumstances that you cannot and never will be able to be freely open with me, perhaps never again. I understand that. even though I give you a hard time about being in New York and not telling me I understand. I believe that we both feel that it would be great if we didn't have to see each other face to face for years and years. I think we both dread it. but one day I believe all that will disappear for us. and we will get to a different place.

In any case, how amazing you are and how amazing our lives have been and how amazing you were to my life and all that you contributed to it. so much of who I am comes from knowing you, a lot of the good stuff.

Anyway, in a moment of very relaxed, drunken, and happy vulnerability, I just wanted to say hi and reminisce. New York has been so good to me. and so good for us. I hope you have felt it? the weight lifted off of us in so many ways once I sold that house didn't it? so free now and so much more relaxed now that I don't live in Miami. it was a blessing. Your intuition is uncanny. I should always listen to it. and you to me. we offer each other much help in how opposed our objective viewpoints are from one another’s. how we ever made it as long as we did I will never understand.

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Went to an amazing party tonight. filled with glam and celebrity. Good times. New York is so good. so precious. So special. So intense. So free. So wild. So intelligent. So liberal. So open minded. So there right in the middle of it all. I'm on the phone with the host of the party earlier today – where the only way you can get in is by swiping this magnetic strip of a credit card they send you in the mail by invitation only --- and I'm asking if I can bring a few more of my peeps. he is frantically yelling to me over the phone, ‘listen man, I have Leo dicaprias manager on the other line complaining that he can’t bring his entire entourage and I have to figure out how to get these 250 tropical fish into the city from JFK. So dude please understand, you're already bringing more people than everyone else is allowed.” “o.k. fine, so what's the attire like? It says ‘dress to kill.’ Does that mean dress formal? Or can I come ‘rock star cool?’ as always.” “No, don't come formal. Come rock star cool. you do that so well.” “yes dog, yes.”

Had a great production meeting today about the TV show. that's about all I did. woke up so fucking late. sleeping away half the day and staying up all night. I fucking hate it. but the meeting went well. they want to turn the show into my diaries basically but on film – try to get more of a focus for each episode; and my idea is to do a one man show on camera. I just want to deliver monologues into the camera for an hour or so every week. and they say that is boring, funny, and interesting, but generally boring to the rest of America. so we are trying to find a bridge to meet in the middle. They say my idea is too abstract and they won't be able to sell it. I say their idea is to confining and I won't be satisfied as an artist. But I have always resisted the mainstream to satisfy the artist within me, and I have always been so fucking broke. Granted, my idea of broke isn't exactly the average persons, but still. I know how I want to live and this aint it; so this time I am going to listen to my coworkers and try to meet in the middle. I am going to do everything in my power to make this work. I don't care about being your average everyday rock star anymore. All that's already been done before. I think we’re onto something much bigger here. and frankly, rock stars aren't making money anymore. Too hard. If we nail a TV deal for this show we will make more money out of the box than we could ever expect from trying to sell cds in this new world of giving music away for free.

O.k. what about dreams? all those signs about Juliet the last six months. And still, not there. and I get these emails all the time from girls saying they dream about me, and it means nothing to me. obviously only in their minds. So I have to honor that phenomenon. That just because I dream of dear Juliet doesn’t mean anything. Just me and my own projections. There are so many beautiful and intelligent and lively girls here in New York that I don't know why I bother dreaming of Juliet so much. Like Edward Darcy in pride and prejudice I am completely determined to conquer this obsession with her. it is inane and wasteful.

Anything else? no I don't think so. I think that's enough. Life is good here.

There is one more thing. quickly because I am drunk and tired. I relayed to the producers today how about nine months ago that psychic had told me that I would move to the city and that “they” would put me in my own TV show. I of course rejected the idea vehemently and all I wanted to know about was when would my band break big. She protested and told me that ‘everything would be o.k. and I would be very happy....’ and then another psychic a few weeks ago told me that I would have a TV show and that as long as I kept my own ego out of it and made it about everyone else around me, if the world got a chance to see itself through me so to speak that it would be a really wonderful thing.... that we would all be able to see a much bigger perspective of ourselves through my open lighthearted but perceptive ability to see the good and value in all people. charmed of course, but again I protested and just kept asking about the band. she responded with how wonderful it would all turn out for the band because of the TV show and that I needed now at this moment not to be so short sighted and see all the other opportunities being set before me.

So I recall all this to the guys today at the conference table and I half expected them to think I was whacko, but instead peter tells us that for his birthday his new fiancé had given him a free trip to a psychic and that she relayed to him a similar thing, that he was about to produce a TV show that would become very popular and at the time he had no idea what she was talking about since they mainly do films; so we all just sat there staring at each other with our mouths hanging open dumbfounded that there we were in the middle of production on that very TV show that these gifted wenches so mysteriously foresaw months before we ourselves even knew that the thing would ever come into existence. Strange indeed.

Current spin: Mojave 3, ask me tomorrow. Great music!!! slow ethereal vibey tunage.

Also, go here: http://www.8bitpeoples.com/index.html this is a new music phenom called “chip music” basically 8-bit computer music like from video games. Its so cool.

Last screening: Commanding heights, the struggle with globalization. Powerful. Still not sure about this topic yet. spent a lot of time over the last few years on the other side of it, in the streets protesting. Now I'm not so sure.