Learning a language that does not use our alphabet is difficult. It is being thrown into water but never being taught to swim. It is driving blindfolded. It is a bike for the first time without training wheels...

There is nothing to hang onto because the alphabet is not the same. The letters are not the same. They don't look the same. They don't even use the same numbers we do... quick: think of the letter three/3. now picture it: 3. right? right. no. wrong. They DON'T FUCKING HAVE THAT!!! 3 DOES NOT EXIST TO THEM!!! CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THAT??? HOW FUCKING AMAZING IS THAT??? there is no 3. there is the word three but in their language, and there is the number 3 but it doesn’t look like that... it looks like something I cannot even type. Totally fucked up.

So you're really out there in a whole other world, as one assumes you are when learning an Asian language such as Chinese or Japanese. Persian looks like script. More like designs. 32 letters instead of our 26. but only one vowel which has six different sounds to it depending on its context, so you could say it has 37 letters... depending on how you look at it.

What I am having to do with it is just listen and try to repeat it... just learning the flow of it.. the sound of it. as if it is poetry or lyrics to a song... this is why I am so good at learning languages... I hear them as lyrics to songs... and through that I am able to get inside of it, or get it inside of me...

One thing I have noticed, subtly, deeply, is that when studying the history of Iran and Persia and the language, that when I come across certain words my body immediately tenses up with fear. Just looking at the word ‘Iran’ on the map makes me tense up with fear. Or when I see the words Persian Gulf... same thing. I get a feeling of disgust and fear and loathing. Not hard to figure out. obviously because I grew up in America and was bombarded by nationalistic propaganda on American television for years and years about this land and this country and these people... totally not understanding the bigger picture – that they were just like us, in similar situations, with similar likes and dislikes and loves and hates.... its just that our governments have not been able to get along for a while... I don't think the people on either side really care one way or the other... I think for the most part everyone just wants to get along.

Must discreate my subconscious feelings of fear and hatred and isolation of these countries.... have to de-program the brainwashing.... if I am going to get to that next level of acceptance, understanding, tolerance, and embrace Iran and Persian... from there I can branch into many of the other middle eastern countries.... remember hanging with Mohamed from Palestine during my summer in Florence. He was my best friend that summer and we still speak regularly. He was middle eastern... and yet you would it. we did the same things any guys do. hang out sit around and eat and drink and talk about school and girls.

The idea being that we are not really Americans... just as Iranians or Iraqis are not really just Iranians or Iraqis... we are not the country we come from. we are after all merely humans... the idea being to transcend our country of origin entirely... so the more languages you can get down the better. Better able to relate to more of us...

God I just had this though.... if you have kids... does that take all of this away? does a lot of your freedom go away? scary thought. Better to put it off for as long as possible. Live for the world and not for some other beings... hate to be so blunt about that but you know, fuck, you can’t put them back really can you? I mean, think of people with children... they kind of, not even kind of, they do, just totally live for those kids.... as if that is the end all be all do all meaning of fucking life, which of course it isn't, but because those kids come from them, they are under this hypnotic spell that it is.... so so many other things in life, the potential, the possibilities, tend to disappear into the background of life. television becomes an aspect of life because they are so busy with their kids that they have no other choice in the matter but to start to experience life more and more through the TV, through other people on TV, rather than through their own experiences.... because their/our potential for experiences becomes limited by our children... becomes limited by what we can and cannot do based on what our children can and cannot do in each moment...

God. no wonder I have put it off....

If I had kids right now I probably wouldn’t even be talking about learning French and farsi and traveling to Iran, relocating to Paris, or traveling through Africa to chill with the African music masters for a while... I mean I guess I could, but I wonder.... would my priorities change? Would the way I think about life and the meaning of life and the important things in life change?

Don't know. but thank God and fate and the universe and destiny that I have not had kids yet. for their sake and my own... time will tell. Certainly. And God knows I think of them often... makes me smile... but sometimes the reality of that sets in... the dichotomy between what I am consciously creating as an artist and as an adventurer and these little thoughts my heart gets now and then about wanting to get married and have a family... wow. 

O.k. I'm totally cheating here. I'm inserting this like two weeks later because I am lazy and haven't had a chance to post yet and just re-read it now, but you know I was thinking... you could still have the kids and still do your thing. just do it. have the kids, cause that's what we do, we have kids and that's a great thing. but you can’t just put your whole life off because you have kids. And you can’t put off having your kids because you want to live your life. you just have to do both. so many rules that people live by but they are unnecessary. We can make up our own rules. About everything.

Last screening: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Again. astounding. A masterpiece.