Last night, tonight... When was this?
I was falling asleep, perhaps I was asleep... I was praying. I told myself I was praying...  was I asleep? I spoke...
God
Yes
God its me. its Fishy.
I know.
Do I always have to introduce myself like that? God why do I always feel as though I need to introduce myself.
Silence.
God I don't feel inspired. Yes that's it. I need to focus on this. God help me to feel more inspired. fill me with inspiration.
Silence.
How can I not feel inspired? if anyone is inspired, certainly it would be me.
Silence.
If I'm not inspired what more could I possibly need?
Silence.
God.
Yes.
Are you mad at me?
Silence.
Have I done something wrong?
Silence. Then, you know.
Yes I know. you're mad at me for my recent ranting and raving against you in the diaries....
Yes. not mad.
But you're upset. You aren't happy with me...
A knowing of yes.
But I thought that you wanted me to do that? I thought that I was on a mission of some kind.
You are. but you are missing the point.
I am missing the point. How am I missing the point...
I exist. you pray to me. you pray to me nightly. But you are leading people away from me everytime you write lately. you are misleading people by constantly asserting that I do not exist.
But you get the point. I get the point. People will get the point.
Will they?
Well I don't know. I assume they will. I mean, o.k. you exist. I pray to you. I talk to you all the time. its true. I was born with the faith so I take it for granted. The God thing.
You take it for granted because you have the gift of faith. But you assume that everyone else also has this faith. so you preach against me assuming that everyone will get the point that you really aren't preaching against me... so what exactly are you doing?
Well now that you put it that way... God...
Yes.
I know what I'm doing. I know you know what I am doing. My intention is pure God.
I know it is.
O.k. so tell me what to do then. I want to be doing the right thing.
Don't lead people away from me.
I began to cry. I don't know if I was really crying or just crying in my heart. God, I wasn't trying to lead people away from you really...
I know... but perhaps you need to redefine what you are doing and why you are doing it...
What was I doing? What am I doing? I am trying to steer people away from religion. That's for sure. God I fucking hate religion. God is that o.k.?
Its o.k. for you. have you ever considered that religion may be the only way that certain people can find a way to me?
No. but I see it now...
But you persist in rallying against religion at every opportunity.
Yes. well I hate religion God. this is not something new to you. you know how I feel. I will never be sold on religion. The closest I could ever come to religion is the writing of lao tsu. There is no secret in that. you know my heart more than anyone. I'm not going to convert to any religion God. not like my father. Not now. not ever. My father is a ridiculous fool. Being a logical pragmatist and materialist agnostic all his life and then converting to Christianity in his later years... what a cop out, what a sell out. like king Charles the second converting to Catholicism just before he died. Fuck that. I'm not that. I will be religious.
So you assume you know your whole life before you have even begun to live?
I believe I do. if I ever convert to a religion, strike me dead.
Do you mean that?
No. God. no. of course I don't. I'm just talking. forget I said that.
Forgotten.
But I would prefer to lead us forward. Do you know what I mean God? I would prefer to lead us to a more evolved state God. I know you know what I mean... why are you arguing with me?
I feel a Smile. Am I arguing with you? who is arguing?
I am free to do whatever I want to aren't I?
Silence.
Of course I am. I know it. free will. I could die tomorrow an atheist and still meet God. wow. Think about that. because I wouldn’t really be an atheist. I would just be saying I am an atheist. I would just be pretending...
Yes.
God?
Yes.
Tell me what to do then. I don't care. I just want to do the right thing. God I just want to fucking be happy. 
I know you do. then stop.
Stop? I get it. I didn't wait for an answer. I thought about it. stop. Stop preaching against God. but what about humanity rising up to realize our true divinity... how do I persist in that mission... I cannot let go of that mission... but I have to do it the right way...
Can humanity rise to realize its own divinity and still know God?
I heard it. I listened to it. I thought about it. can God still exist if humankind realizes its own godness? That is the question. I do not have an answer for this. I would like to know what to do but I don't know what to do.
Is that o.k.?
Sure. I'm tired. I don't have to solve this now. I can go to sleep. God?
Yes.
Thank you. I'm going to do the right thing.
I know.