I just spent the last three hours on this website classmates.com. I don't know why. I just saw it advertised somewhere for the millionth time and decided to check it out. wow. I was so overwhelmed by the realization of how long it has been. so long ago indeed.

Everyone on there is married or was married. Maybe you have to be married to post there. obviously not. but what is it about people getting married... I love the idea of marriage if it weren't so permanent. Five year term with an option to renew would be more like it. are we trapped by a ... never mind. Of course we are. I only started the statement in the form of a question as a pretense not to offend others. indeed, humanity, westerners I should add, are trapped by an ideological persistent mass of beliefs (a belief cluster that seems very real) in consciousness that we call marriage. Lets break it down. The individual beliefs inherent in the belief system would be something like the following:
•    Eventually we have children.
•    If we want children we need to be married.
•    we want to be married. We feel called to it. feels like something that we should do. 
•    Everyone gets married
•    Its just something you do
•    If you love someone you marry them
•    Marriage is forever. it lasts forever
•    When you are married you are monogamous.
•    Divorce is not such a good thing. still taboo although accepted.
•    But if you do get divorced you can get married again.
•    And again.
•    I suppose there are many many more all tied up together in this cluster. One could add many beliefs about religion and God if they are inclined that way.

Its funny, but I too am feeling a very strong desire to get married and have children with my life now. especially after going to this site. Why? I don't know.
seems like once you get married you have accomplished something, and yet, anyone can get married. And absolutely anyone can have children. Not really anything easier to accomplish on the face of the earth really. Have sex. have children. So there has to be more to it than all of that. for me I've always avoided marriage like the plague up until this point. People always ask you, ‘well what are you waiting for?” But I always feel that it’s the opposite. “what are we rushing into it for?” don't people know that its forever? what's the rush? Its not like you can go back and change your mind once you do it.... I mean, once married that's it. you're locked in. except in the mind of Fishy, there is no five year term with any options to renew. You're either staying in it for life or your going to get divorced... scary thought. What would you like for breakfast today? cornflakes or cornflakes?

O.k. enough about marriage. Hey when you know, you know. and for now, I don't know. perhaps one day I will. until then I will continue to live large and explore the great adventures that life has to offer. Again, there is always time to get married. That's for sure. No hurry there. at least not for us menfolk. but once married, there is no more time. you're pretty much locked in for life. unless you live in Hollywood or Beverly hills and then of course you just get divorced and move on...

But wow. this whole classmates.com thing. has it really been that long? what the hell have I been doing with my life? so little to show. So little accomplished. So much more to do... who the hell am I? who have I been? What am I doing with my life? am I even close? Am I even living? Who the hell am I?