Sept 22nd G2 sends me this link to a page of pictures of Iranian women

Sept 22nd
G2 sends me this link to a page of pictures of Iranian women. We are saying that we think maybe Iranian women are the prettiest in the world...



I'm looking at that these photos and I'm thinking... about the fact that in Muslim tradition its o.k. if a man marries up to four women as long as he can satisfy them all... I wonder if I could live in a Muslim country. just move from here and go do that.... and I wonder if I could find four amazing women that I loved equally who could all be satisfied with being one of four wives to me... they would all have to be friends I guess. They would all have to have really great lives apart from the relationship so they were satisfied whenever my interest was aimed towards only one of them completely so they wouldn’t get upset. How the hell do you pull something off like that? would one of them appeal to you more than the rest? Would I bond with one of them the most? Or would it trade back and forth from time to time. perhaps we could all be best friends and even have big group sex together. that would be awesome. and imagine the possibilities with children... I could have so many kids, it would be amazing. I could easily have eight to ten children. Man, I have to move to Iran or Egypt or somewhere like that. then there would be no problem with having Princess Little Tree as a wife. No worry about having children or anything. And she could bring her kids. Cause they're awesome. And Juliet of course, because of her soul and brain. She could even bring her boyfriend if she wanted to. I don't think I'd mind. After all if I had four wives, she could have her boyfriend still. and then I could still have two more wives. Which would cover being able to have a super-hot Italian wife and a super smart well-mannered English wife as well. Imagine going to the opera with all four every season! With me right in the middle. And that my friends would be just about the dream life of all dream lives.


Sept 21st
Beaver and the Rat and the two girls are in Houston fucking Texas of all places right now and they have hurricane Rita headed right for ‘em. Because traffic has come to a dead stop, they have decided to stay home and not leave. No one can leave anyway. I'll tell you what bro, he tells me, God’s pissed off and this is the reckoning. He just gave New Orleans a high colonic and he's about to do it again.
Well if there are three places in America that God is going to destroy first, it would be Las Vegas and New Orleans you gotta figure. The Sodom and Gomorrah of modern times.
What's the third place?
Washington DC man. he's not letting those evil fuckhead bastards off easy. this is just the beginning. You gotta figure Gods looking at it like this at this point, you want to lie to your people and invade other countries and kill thousands of people for no reason like some modern day Russian dictator, then lets give you a little taste of your own medicine. Bad karma man. I don't think those guys even know what karma is.
Well it could just be the fact that we’ve fucked the environment up so bad.
Yep. Probably that too. either way we’re fucked.
Well are you guys going to be o.k.?
Yeah we’re all pretty hunkered down. Expecting the worst. Praying for the best.
Well good luck man. I'll be looking for you on the news...

Beav tells me, ‘I'll tell you what bro. when people watch CNN, I'm going to be the guy sitting on my roof with a bottle of 2001 Chateau Saint jean Merlot in one hand, my shotgun in the other, and Lou Reed blasting in the background.’ Hysterical laughs. brother Beav. My best friend.

Good luck bro. I'll be praying for you guys.

Last screening: confessions of a dangerous mind. Holy fucking shit. whatever that means. This movie was huge for me when I saw it the first time. even better now. just taking it in little doses. For inspiration. What a classic.

Go here to read a quick on the brilliant chuck barris, who is a definite but odd to be sure hero:
http://www.salon.com/people/bc/2001/03/06/chuck_barris/index.html

Man, its fucking 2am. Can’t sleep. The movie has reached that stoic point. The down turn. And I'm sitting there half awake half asleep in between worlds feeling every moment of it like its this wicked fucking mirror. Smoke too much drink too much drug too much think too much feel too much. Where is my Olivia? That's what I want to know. things are moving too effing slowly. I feel like I'm in some alternate universe. This legal battle has taken the wind out of me. forget the financial aspect of how it has affected me personally or my family and friends... just emotionally. The ambassador is all about the love and for the life of me I can’t quite get my fingers around it when I encounter others around us who don't think the same way. friendships are being challenged all over the country because of this battle. Lines being drawn and people being hurt. I find it emotionally taxing to think that others are being affected by this, something that could have been resolved so easily and so effortlessly if things would have just been handled in an honest manner. how easy it all would have been.

Cleopatra is insane. Her emails are insane. Our conversations are insane. I think that there is something there in all of us who don't recognize when we are dealing with someone who is outright insane... we keep rolling up our sleeves and thinking that anyday they are going to come around... I mention something to her today to the effect of ‘well we are healing from this. we are all going through our healing and in time it will get better....’ ever the trying Buddha. At least always trying. and she replies, ‘well that's irrelevant... I'm just talking about me.’ I was aghast. Everyone’s healing is irrelevant to her. all that was important to her was how she feels... I'm thinking to myself how the hell did I get someone like this in my life. and in the lives of my friends and family? I mean how did a person so far removed from the world that I and my closest companions occupy get into our lives? She then rambles on about her newest theory of how its all Madelyn O'Ryan's fault. That Maddie loved me too much, acted inappropriately, was too close to me during my relationship with her. as if to imply that because she was hurt by that, that it justified her actions over the last six months. That she was somehow justified in lying cheating stealing etc in the last six months because of the pain that she felt during our relationship over four years ago... I just sat there half listening, moaning inside for her pain and confusion and the pain it has caused everyone else... how one person can cause so much damage to so many others.... half in shock that I even know this person or ever shared love or a home with her. I finally told her that she was sick and that she needed help. I don't know what else to say to Cleo anymore. She lives in a dream world.

From a humane and karmic perspective, I have done just about all I can do with that being. I have tried unconditional love and tolerance. I have taken full responsibility for my part in all of it. written apologies, consistently given her the benefit of the doubt, listened to her ramblings about how upset she is about her this’s and that’s, made small talk about family to keep the doors of communication open, still befriend her family when they reach out, and more than anything, I have forgiven her unceasingly and have done everything I can do to settle our business amicably so it doesn’t go to court and get even more insane and so she doesn’t get into trouble. I do not believe at this time that she will ever wake up or come around. today I just realized that Cleopatra Ecstasy is a lost cause. Part of me still mourning the loss of that angel that I thought I met ten years ago who seemed so pure and so fresh and clean and good spirited... if there's yet another lesson here, it is that: “angels are as angels do” so to speak. It has nothing to do with what they look like or what comes out of someone’s mouth. It is all in our actions.

But tomorrow is indeed another day. and if there is one thing I have learned in this brief flame of life, its that when you go to bed upset you usually wake up feeling on top of the world. so indeed tomorrow is another day. and it won't come a minute too soon.

Current spin: Travis, 12 memories. This is a really really good album. Like all their albums. it is great. note, don't put yourself on the cover anymore. Not now. maybe later. this album is a turn off because it focuses on the members but the members aren't interesting enough to enthrall, BUT the music is, but that is minimized because there is a begging to focus on the members because they are on the cover. So that's it. hhhmmm. G2 has only been trying to get me to see that for about five years.... Hehe. But this is a really good album.



Sept 20th
Yes Tuesday continues to amaze me.... I sit in her backyard on the weekends and I smoke a nice cigar and write... and I peer up at her like an uncle or an older brother every now and then just to see what she is doing... I watch her do her thing... and I think to myself, a soul like this is not made. It is born. And it is a gift to the world.

Last screening: seven year itch with Marilyn Monroe. i had never seen this before but wanted to see it because it was filmed in my apartment here in the city. in fact, in the film Marilyn lives in my actual apartment. The one I live in now. there's that one scene where she drops the tomato plant off the balcony and she comes out to the balcony to speak with the guy down on the bottom floor and I'm like ‘holy shit she's standing there hanging our of my window! That's where I sit every night to smoke and write. I'm sitting there right now.’ It’s crazy to see the place and how it looked fifty years ago. I'm about thirty minutes into this movie now and don't think I will finish it. for the most part, its crap. just not my kind of movie. but it is fun to see the building like that. see Marilyn hanging out my window on the silver screen. Many years before this movie was filmed, in the twenties and thirties, the magnificent and infamous conductor Toscanini had come over from Italy to lead the New York Philharmonic and lived where? You guessed it. In my humble little apartment. Of course he had two floors, a two bedroom duplex at the time. now I have all of 400 square feet. But I think its just got this magic thing happening. I felt it the first moment I stepped in here and knew in that instant that I was going to call it home for a while. [I must confess the real magic may have been the bomb of an Israeli realtor, the Raven, that was really the magic for me.] But I've written some of my best songs in this little box they call a one bedroom here, though anywhere else in the country we would call it a closet. But there is a great energy here. seeing the place in the movie really confirmed it though: Buildings last. People die. we are after all very temporary things indeed. dust in the wind. Ideas. Impermanent particles floating in space in the grand scheme of something much larger than any one of us, made real only by our self awareness in the brief moments we wake up to the notion that ‘I am.’ In the bigger picture I will soon leave this place, like Marilyn, like Toscanini. But this building will still be here years after.

Current spin: blow up Hollywood. good stuff. slow moody ethereal. and Elliot sharp. Downtown New York avant garde orchestral art music. Love it.


Sept 19th
The king and lady Beth Ann flew into New York for the day and spent the night before their trip to uk to see sir Richard. I was supposed to be meeting with them since I was supposed to be in Paris by now. but due to this entanglement with Cleo, I am of course land locked at present on this little island instead. but we had a great day together. showed them the city a bit, central park. Breakfast at le pain quotidian, drinks overlooking the lake at the boat house, dinner at fig and olive with a few choice friends, Tuesday and Remy. A delicious time. great for our souls. the king indeed is one of my best friends. All day we spoke of conjuring.... lady Beth Ann is getting prettier and prettier and smarter and generally lovelier as time goes on. all of us becoming happier and more settled people as we get older. It is very nice.

Up by 6am to see them off. Wow. so that's what 6am looks like... realize the power in that. wrote for a few hours. could wake up earlier, spend some time writing... other things, not the diaries, and keep the diaries more brief. Would be more productive.

Back to bed by 8am to get some much needed quiet time and shut eye. I love sleep for what it seems to afford the spirit. It is very healing. The perfect way for the soul to integrate creations. I stayed asleep till my mind was smiling... you can tell... you begin to feel very at rest, peaceful, happy, content... yummy... and then I deliberately awoke to begin the day. just popped up. I've been a place lately where I don't even look at the time. I don't even own a clock anymore. If I need the actual time I can always look at the cell phone. [funny because these days no one seems to have a clock anymore. So if you are on the phone with someone and you ask what time it is and you are both on your phones then neither can tell the other the time.]

I dreamed about ArtHouse studio again. my old place, and my first real company.... I don't know why, but I dream about that place every few months... I go back there and it is a mess... this time was no exception. It was ransacked. The worst I have ever seen it in any dream. I always feel bad for letting it go and selling it in the dream, and I am always returning to take it back over and revive it.... what is that? was the best move...at the time. then about our old house in pine ridge. Yes again. same dream always. Me and mom and Beaver are there. but we shouldn’t be because we are scared shitless that the wicked step father is going to come home and shoot us all and kill us. we are squatter in our own home... very upsetting. Every time. Always the same haunting dreams. need to find a way to integrate that part of my past... but how?

I also had a dream about Queenie... this is horrible but I dreamed that Beaver reminded me that I had killed her in an argument and we had put her dead body in the attic... he was now telling me that we had to get her out of there and go bury her in the woods behind the house somewhere. It was awful. This was not the first time I had a dream about a girl being dead. Remember? I have written about it before... what is that? what is the lesson? What is my mind trying to tell me? what is the skeleton in the closet so to speak? Who is the girl? What does she represent? The guilt. Terrible. I kept pacing around the house thinking... if she is dead here in my attic in my room, then her parents must be worried sick. I felt her parents grief. I felt immense guilt. Same thing as before in other dreams... if I bury her I have a chance of saving myself. but then her parents will remain in this grief and mystery... I must tell her parents what happened... I owe it to them... the guilt was unbearable... but the feeling again, was that I had to do it, I was forced into committing this terrible act... victim consciousness... where is it coming from? what must I integrate?

I switched dreams before there was a conclusion. I am in awe at how I am able to be awake and yet asleep during my dreams. totally aware of them and that I am dreaming... I watch them. What do they call that? lucid dreaming... I have always had this ability. But as I get older I get better and better at it... since I moved to New York -- doing the right thing, following one’s intuition, being at the right place at the right time perhaps – it has really kicked in to overdrive.

I then had an amazing dream about SHE again. this time her name was also Rebecca. again. Rebecca... dark hair. Pale skin. A beautiful voice. A perfect love. An instant affinity for each other. who is she? where is she now? it felt fantastic. We kissed. We hugged. I smiled while I dreamed. I held onto her image as long as I could and attempted to stay asleep to remain in the presence of her embrace and unconditional love and affection. I spoke to her while still asleep and yet half awake... where are you? where are you? do you feel this? are you dreaming like this?

Last screening: a few more hours of the tsars of Russia history. Wow. learned more. violence is not the answer. eventually we will come to this.

Current spin: yoshimi and yuka, flower with no color. LOVE IT! the craziest record I've ever heard.