It is so easy to fall in love isn't it?

Oct 6th
It is so easy to fall in love isn't it?

Sdawg’s name has now officially changed to Britney, because she looks like the other Britney if you took away all the makeup, wannabe cool clothes, red state mentality, low-breeding, shallow wanton desperate for attention smuttiness and idiocy. And if she could sing – because Sdawg/now-Britney can sing like nothing you’ve ever heard. Picture Britney the one you know without all of those prior stated qualities that she is so famous for, and picture her in a short dress, a sunflower apron over it, baking blueberry muffins, while whistling or singing, and you have a pretty good idea of the Sdawg/now-Britney that I speak of, know, and love....

An insane night! But first let me fill you in on the pre-night:

First off, fan mail is getting overwhelming, nuts, and crazy. something in the stars perhaps. but the strangest requests. Naked pictures in the mail. Crazy email requests and solicitations as if everyone knows you, is your close personal friend. A barrage that is getting truly un-handleable.

Zeke and Jodiach flew into town today for zekes bday. we all hooked up. Sandina was there as well – who is actually TWO people – the two hottest girls you have ever seen but who happen to be married to each other. Good friends of ours and I think the world of them. and of course wish they weren't gay sometimes so I could make mad passionate love to each of them. we had some good fun quiet time the five of us. Great times tonight talking about the Miami music scene and catching up. they filled me in on everyone down there and what's been going on. zeke’s doing some work with Jon Secada and Lenny but other than that there isn't a lot going on down there right now. Reggeaton is big there now. that's about it. its not like the old days when there was this great rock music scene. Which is one of the many reasons why I bailed and came here. No where better than here right now.

Jodiach tells me that she now understands my song Vicodin. Before she used to think it was so weird that someone would write a song about a pill. But then she had surgery and she had to take vicodin and she felt happier than she ever felt in her life. ‘gosh I told Zeke, if everyone could just be on vicodin all the time the world would be such a happy place... now I understand why Fishy wrote that song...’ my sentiments exactly...

So anyway, I tell them to tell everyone hello down there, and if anyone asks so what's Fishy doing right now? just tell them that Fishy has lost his mind, that I'm hitting all these karaoke clubs every night with this 23 year old girl; and they will totally freak out and think I'm insane. Is he on tour? what about the band’s new album? How is his TV show going? ‘uh... well from what we can tell, he's just totally into karaoke now. He's abandoned his career for karaoke now. Look for his new karaoke tour coming to a town near you soon!’ we laugh our asses off. The thing is that everyone would believe that without batting an eyelid.



O.k. so anyway it is true, after I separate from the group I meet up with Sdawg/now-Britney to hit some karaoke club dive bar on the Upper East Side. It is well past 1am in the morning. We’re in the cab and we are laughing our asses off that we are just starting our evening at well past 1am to hit these stupid karaoke bars. But we are addicted.

We go to the song books and find a bunch of songs and fill in the little sheets and give them to the guy, pissed that there is no Lou reed, no velvet underground, no “somewhere in my youth or childhood, from sound of music’ no ‘some enchanted evening.’ this is a small place. only modern shit pedestrian songs. After that is over, we start drinking, putting on a good buzz while we wait our turn, and listening to the other people up there doing their thing. of course its now past 2am and everyone in there is totally drunk and I mean, who the hell is in a bar at 2am on a weeknight anyway. say no more.

Now bear in mind, Brit is a professional singer. her parents are both singers, majoring in music, her mother a professional singer, being raised singing from the day she was born – her voice is awesome. And me, well, the older I get, the more I realize that I can actually sing a bit. Whether I sing well or not, I'll never know – I never thought I did, but now and then I think I sound alright; but regardless, at this point, I can safely call myself a professional singer, no matter how good or bad I may sound . So we sit in these bars late at night and we wait our turn and we keep drinking waiting for our turn and as the night wears on we get slightly hammered.... good times... And we laugh and goof off because its just so not our scene that its ridiculous. But we cannot help going. because we love to sing.

We go up on stage when it is our turn and we sing Sorrow by bowie and it is so exhilarating, and the whole place quiets down to where you can hear a pin drop and everyone in the bar looks up on the stage to see what the hell is going on with their mouths hanging open. Who the hell is that up there?! because you know, we’re not Mr. and Mrs. Smith up there hammered out of our minds yodeling away all out of tune... we’re more like pretending to be Mr. and Mrs. Smith raiding these karaoke bars late at night just because we love to fucking sing so much more than anything else. (If there is one thing that I have been negatively accused of in the fucking Nazi-press it has been having a similar voice to Dave’s so me singing Bowie is totally cheating I know. But I can’t help it. its so addictive to sing other people’s songs.)

So we go up and do our thing, but you have to picture this. we sit there and face each other, not the audience or other patrons, and we sing to each other and the whole time we are talking to each other between verses. Sing a verse, “o.k. now you,” sing another verse, “o.k. now you take this one...” It’s hilarious. And we get into it physically and emotionally as anyone else up there does.

So then she does an amazing Crazy by that country singer patsy Cline and all these guys are swooning all over her. I mean, seriously, they are sitting on the stage at her feet, and on the floor of the bar staring up at her holding on her every word... she’s an angel to these guys or something. they are swooning. it really was crazy.

Then we go for Bowie’s Heroes together, which I totally nail but she gets a bit nervous. So the whole time we are talking to each other over the mics, we sing a verse, ‘o.k. now you take this one,’ ‘no I'm too nervous. You do it.’ I sing the next verse, ‘o.k. c'mon try it,’ ‘no, I can’t, you do it.’ ‘no, c'mon give it a try,’ sing another verse.... on and on like that. sounded awesome though. LOVE that song. really I just love to sing any song. love singing.

Right now we are totally dueting everything mostly because I am new at this and get nervous.... but this time she got nervous. Silly and funny right? karaoke can be intensely competitive at times one notices. If you're a singer and you're just moonlighting because it’s the middle of the night and you're getting your rocks off, then who the fuck cares – it’s a goof, but you can tell that some of those people are day-jobbers who at heart are frustrated singers who are really good and they take the shit really seriously because karaoke is all they have and that's a strange thing, but you can feel it from some of them. Some of the talent is really really good.

So anyway, while I'm singing a little all the way by Sinatra – but I'm totally copping an Ed Hale style, mixed in with a little Bono and Sinatra all at the same time so it sounds cool as shit, some middle-aged geezer is totally hitting on Britney; he's got his hands all over her. So I jump down and tell him to bog off. I'm like, ‘what is she your girlfriend or something?’ and he's like ‘no.’ and so I'm like, ‘yeah, I didn't think so. so get the fuck away’ But he just drunkenly slurs some rude comment. Out of the blue this rage swells in me, so I take this glass of Stella and slam him over the head with it. Just knock him out cold! He falls to the floor out cold. We of course get attacked by the bar staff and have to run out of there laughing our asses off. Won't be going in there for a few I would imagine.

I can’t believe how guys just hit on girls like that. its crazy. he had his hands all over her. she tells me that she gets that all day everyday from so many guys. I couldn’t imagine what that must be like. I also couldn’t imagine being her boyfriend. I would constantly be getting my ass kicked or kicking someone's ass if she was always getting hit on like that. it would be maddening. Of course I told her last night, she could discreate it at anytime if she wanted to. after all it is she show is creating it. putting it out there. Brit’s 23 years old, so at that age, who the hell cares. Do whatever you want to. just live the life and enjoy the hell out of it.




What is up with this country and its current heroes? This is the current conversation we shared this evening amongst many groups of different friends as the night wore on. on the tips of everyone’s tongue right now.

Did anyone hear the comment william bennet made? He said something to the effect that we could lower crime in America by aborting all the black babies coming into the world. What a fucking crazy lunatic bigoted asshole. And he's considered a heroic voice in the republican party.

Bush, rice, Cheney, Rumsfeld, rove, Paris Hilton jessica simpson Britney spears.... what a fucking crazy place our country is in right now... these are the heroes of the day. sad and pathetic and scary. But the question is begged, has it ever been any different? yes, that is the question.


Oct 5th
Busy day. then a wine tasting with polar bear and Sdawg in the evening. And then a few songs into a concert of the band Blow up Hollywood, whom I really like. Then off to a karaoke bar with Sdawg who is all of 23 years old but I totally love her. I love our connection. She has a totally easy vibe about her. very real. And sweet. and down to earth. And no bullshit. someone came up to her tonight and asked her in a very typical New York way, ‘is that Marc Jacobs you're wearing?” and she's like, “no, its salvation army. Three bucks!” and that's her in a nutshell. this you have to love. Part of her charm is that she's this total space cadet hipster chick who walks around in a nun outfit when she feels like it, but she has this other side too, this darker depressive side that is entirely expected for that age and for someone who hasn’t discovered the niche they're heading into yet. she's just living the life right now. we sang a duet of don't let me down by the Beatles which was awesome. I am totally hooked on karaoke right now since our band hasn’t played a show in about a fucking year! As soon as I get back from the weekend we are going to go full on karaoking for days at a time till she leaves for India. I hate that she is leaving for India for a year. but all seasons have their reason. Unless you live in Florida of course and there are no seasons. Then what is the reason for that?

I will certainly miss her though. I love all the girls I hang out with. But my connection with her is the easiest. Right now I'm seeing girls from age 23 to 46 and that's an amazing thing. that's something that you dream of in high school and college. no way you could experience that if you were married. So that's a great thing. part of the real benefit of holding out on the old marriage thing. living the life. like I always say, the only drag about getting married is that its forever. at least in its present incarnation. So that's something you really have to always try to remember. Hold off for as long as you can till you get it all out of your system. or until something comes along that just knocks you to the ground. Fucking a. what a strange night though. To go from this yuppie wine tasting into a rock concert into a total dive bar singing karaoke with all these crazy drunk Latino locals...


REMEMBER. A WIZARD STAYS WIDENED BACK. BREATHES. SMILES. OBSERVES. FEELS.
‘HHHHMMM, ISN'T THIS INTERESTING?’ UNCONDITTIONAL. WITHOUT EXPECTATION.
MAKES DECISIONS YES. DECISEIVLY.
BUT NOT HASTILY.
ONLY ACTS FROM LOVE.
NEVER FROM FEAR OR ANGER.
SOMETIMES A WIZARD MAY ASK, ‘HHHMMMM, NOW WHAT DO I WANT TO CREATE?’


Oct 4th
Portuguese lesson tonight with Manuela. One of my favorite restaurants in the city. (who thought of that spelling and ass-backwards pronunciation?! Totally retarded. Is it no wonder that everyone naturally spells that word ‘restaraunt?’ since that's the way its pronounced. the word Wednesday is the same thing. just totally effing retarded. And in our schools here in retardville the teachers try to come up with some stupid excuse about the words derivation or etymology to explain why the whole country is pronouncing these words the wrong way. Give me a break. Either spell it the way it sounds or pronounce it the way it is spelled. Period. Enough with your bullshit. I remember the day the exact day our teacher tried telling us why Wednesday was spelled was spelled wrong and why we should just accept it. I thought it was bullshit then. and I think its bullshit now.

O.k. enough. But one day mark my words, I am going to hire a small staff to go into a lab for a few months and rewrite the entire English language so it makes sense. This is a promise.

I made this little poem about how retarded English is: “bluff, rough, scoff, cough, dough, tow, go, toe, plough, plow.”

There is a lot of irony in those ten words the way they are strung together. Just absolutely a retarded language when it comes to spelling and pronunciation. Look at those words! certainly linguists have already attempted to tackle English and turn it around... will research.)

O.k. so anyway I'm at this great Italian restaurant eating radicchio drenched in olive oil with Manuela. And she is drop dead. She doesn’t know it, which makes her even better, I mean just when girls are shy like that, there is nothing more repugnant than a hot girl who knows or thinks she's hot, except a not so hot girl who thinks she's hot. but Manuela is hot, and she's totally shy still and humble and gracious and that's refreshing. We are practicing English and Portuguese together. she is forced to speak to me only in English and I correct her and I am forced to speak only in Portuguese and she corrects me. it’s a brilliant set up. learned a lot. and because we both speak Spanish we can always fall back on that when we need to in order to grab at a word neither of us know in the other’s language. Its great.

Manuela is one of those good girls that you don't meet anymore. Something out of the nineteen-forties. She's been with one guy in her entire life, her ex-husband. amazing. great manners. perfect etiquette. She heard me say fuck once and she asked me in her very heavy broken English Brasilian accent “Fishy, do you say words like this?” almost shocked. In fact, she probably was shocked. And I said “no no. I was just kidding.” I don't think she has any idea who I am. Who Fishy is. I think she just likes hanging out with me, doesn’t know much about me. I think that if she ever read these diaries that she would be truly shocked. Horrified probably. You just don't meet girls like her anymore. A guy like me could destroy a girl like her because she just has no reference points to know how to deal with or relate to who I am or how I act or the things I say.

From this recent experience with the dove I was again reminded how important it is, this evening especially, to be a gentleman and really be careful in your speech and actions not to lead people on. if its not going romantic, you don't play romantic. Period. You be a man. you grow up. you don't play games with people. you are clear from the beginning and you act from that space. from a clean space. don't blur the lines. Some people do it they say out of ignorance. They think they're playing clean and they can’t figure out why people are misunderstanding their messages and getting hurt or mislead by them all the time. they swear they aren't a player, but people keep telling them that they're a player... other people do it just because they're fucking vampires and they don't care about the other. they are just sucking attention or affection for themselves selfishly, whether deliberately or not. Either way, its fucked up. I would say that in the last few years I have gotten really good at being careful about this and not giving the wrong signals if I'm not feeling it. I am proud of this.

I just think that in the end, no matter how many times we say it and think it, and feel it, it still all comes down to ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ if we can master that in this lifetime, we are there. in a nutshell.


New Yorkers are super into sports. You realize that pretty early on. I don't mean people who live in New York. those aren't New Yorkers. I mean New Yorkers. People who grew up here. they like effing love the Yankees. Man its all they ever talk about. totally foreign to me. But its kind of fun too the way it seems to bond them together. all you have to do is mention in passing, ‘how was the game?’ you don't even have to say what game. Everyone knows what game you are talking about. and its instantaneous bonding. That's New York. just a small part of what makes it such a great place to live and breathe.


Last screening: I finally finished the history of the barbarian tribes documentaries. So now I'm watching all the old Gong Shows. Seriously. I bought the whole freaking collection on eBay. I'm a FREAK. I know. but its so absurd and stupid. you really can’t believe that it ever existed. Chuck Barris is a God-clown.

Current spin: keane, again. and Yupi by Hashimoto. Brilliant!!! Buy it.