Found this on my desktop. Relevant now since la Princesa is running off to get married in a few weeks.

From: la princesa [laprincesa@xxxxxxx.net]
Sent: Saturday, September 14, 2002 5:29 AM
To: Fishy
Subject: Re: sleep well....

Dear Fishy,

I cant go to sleep right now because I'm so awake so I decided to write to you my thoughts, knowing its hard for me to talk to you sometimes because your mind is flying most of the times. you are insane. You know that right? 

I don't want to intrude and impose my thoughts and image of you but here I go.

the way we see ourselves, our awareness, and the emotions we feel, all of this is embedded in the way you can portray that to other people. you are far more complex Fishy to be playing in such small standards. I believe you’re here for larger scale and that has to be where you stand firmly and believe and taste and smell your success. I know we’ve talked about your ideal moment in life but im not sure your in that image. I can hear and feel that you belong much bigger. stop concentrating where you can play, these small, insignificant places without soul and concentrate with the big people. go straight for the source. THINK BIG, because you’re there baby. 

Your to professional to be dealing with who's going to be on your guest list. Your September 11^th song, I think is the most beautiful, you were confident, remorse and patient with your emotions directed to your audience. it crawls inside me and I want to love the fact we are all alive and bond with our piers dealing together with life. start working on a plan to hit the big people but in a harmonious way. don't be aggressive and cocky feel inside your inner mind to reach that goal and that will transpire to the others that are on the same wave length. analyze and really listen to your dreams and reconstruct how your going to share that with the world. stop acting like that star become that star.

when you play to your audience, bow your head down, and get them to be part of that mission we are all here for. I see you sitting in a stool-at the same level as them, transpire peace and patience so they can stop and belong to that with you. 1st start off with a slow and moving song so your not too aggressive at first so you can relax your crowd. no lights, completely dark, your band on stage but the ambassador nowhere to be found. maybe sing from back stage, so your alone and they cant find you, eagerly waiting to see your face. talk to them before you start a new song and explain where that song came about. imagine looking at a painting and not being able to understand what the creator was trying to convey. art is art but the understanding is much deeper. Chupito your there, you have been chosen to sing the songs of never-ending circumstances. 

stop believing in the image and become who your destined to become. there is no time to be wasted when every other day can be the last. love who needs to be loved and love yourself before that even happens..............

I’m sorry if I set up disappointments in the way im seeing you but im feeling it inside my heart and I only want to be the vehicle to direct you to your destination. I sometimes feel you don't get our journey together, im not upset but I wish you can stop and make our time more productive. you shut me out (not intently) and I have soooooooooo much to offer.

“I want to be the world book for you.

All my love,

la Princesa”

One can easily see how la Princesa could melt the heart of any man. I feel like crying everytime I read it. why couldn’t we make it? Not only was she beautiful and kind hearted she was also intuitive and creative. Alas. When I received this last email from her the other day when she heard of my being in Florence she said nothing but good things. And she said she hoped that I was eating lots of good food and making love to lots of Italian girls. I closed my eyes and wished a blessing on her that she would be happy forever, that she would have lots of healthy children, that her husband would become rich beyond their wildest dreams and they would always be healthy and in love together.

With Cleopatra it has been much more difficult of course to wipe the slate entirely clean. She being from Europe I find myself thinking of her often while I am here. Our last meeting was short and cordial. I do not think we looked each other in the eyes. I don't think we have in a long time. We signed some documents together and said our goodbyes. We overstayed our welcome in each others lives for far too long. For eight years she remained one of the only constants in my life. Still today separated by many weeks and many thousands of miles I still find myself feeling her every feeling and thinking her every thought. I remember at Christmas I was driving halfway up a mountain 7000 miles away and somehow she managed to get through to me on my cell and she knew exactly what was happening in my life at that moment in time, she knew I was with a girl and how I felt inside, everything. all of it. its weird how we are tapped into one another like that. 

But there is something very different in Cleopatra that I do not completely share with her. When I first met her she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. Hands down. Time slowed down for me in that moment. It really did. it was like I walked into a time warp from the Matrix. Lightening and everything. I was dumbstruck. By her beauty and her innocence and her charm and her grace and manners. The whole package. But soon and I don't remember when this occurred, but eventually she began to get very taken by power. And I kind of fell into that. By the riches and power. We worked very hard together---both of us coming from upper class wealthy families who had recently lost their fortunes in very strange ways the last ten or so years----we had both been very rich and most recently not so rich and we both agreed that we wanted to go back to being very rich immediately. So we had this in common and we both worked very hard to get our money back. And before I was thirty and she was 25 we had created a small fortune of our own and built this empire that was bigger than anything we could have imagined. And we became the ones who were helping to support both families soon, in the US and abroad. Our amazing beautiful romance turned into a business relationship. We never saw it coming. And soon all we talked about was business and money and position. We depended more on each other for our money and our sense of security than we did as lovers. Looking back I can see that. we still stayed connected but it was a very volatile affair. Lots of fighting and screaming and throwing and breaking things. she would take one of my books and rip it into shreds; and then I would scream and then run over and take a statue I had bought her for Christmas and smash it to bits against the wall. And then she would start running towards a lamp. “No for God sakes not my grandparents antique lamp Cleo!” and I would have to race her to it, both of us diving at it... it was just madness....

We felt trapped by it. both of us feeling as though our security and general welfare depended on our relationship with one another. It wasn't until recently when we both just decided that no matter what happens that it was time to just separate. And it would do us good if we maybe never even saw each other again. There is sadness and an anger in her that I do not necessarily have in myself. But because she was my everything, and I would have killed for her, I did everything in my power for eight years, six while we were together, and two after we had already separated, to try to protect her from that anger and sadness. From her constant feelings that someone was out there trying to get her or hurt or betray her. And when someone did make this attempt to trample the empire, she would turn to me and say “see? I told you!” but of course now we know, that if you believe it, you will achieve it. you cannot protect someone from their own beliefs. if they are going to create it, they are going to create it. No matter how hard you try to protect them. 

So now we are very far away. And yes I feel her pain still. it comes in these little waves in me. and I recognize it instantly as something inside of her that she is feeling. My first instinct is to share it with her even though we are separated by miles and miles. Pain, anger, worry. But I breathe through it and tell myself that it is not for me to worry about any more. it is now up to her and her husband. And they are a great couple, a strong team. And it is best if I stay out of it. out of her life entirely. One day perhaps I will release our whole beautiful story. After we are all dead and gone. I think I have written more about Cleopatra than anyone else. For she is the most fascinating and stimulating person I have ever known. But now it is none of anyone's business while we are all still alive. I am sure my wife will be even better suited for me. That’s the way it works. I am sure her husband is better suited for her now. For me I would like to work now on attempting to build a life less focused on riches and power and more focused on love, freedom, beauty, joy, and evolution; I have a sneaking suspicion that money and personal power may naturally follow from this. but it doesn’t have to for me now. On the train today I wanted so much to call her and scream into the phone, “I am on a train going very fast through Italy. Just like you always told me about. And more. I am happy. I love you. How are you?” But I didn't make this call. I just sat there fantasizing about it.