Tonight I have a date with an Italian girl. There are two girls now that I have been hanging out with. I am trying hard to change this shyness thing I have. So I have been trying to talk to girls a lot more. I just figured it won't kill me so I will try. And now look. Cool. But the problem is that when I do date a girl who I don't immediately think is “the one” I start to feel uncomfortable. I don't know why exactly. But maybe this is limiting me because I don't go out with that many girls because I figure why bother if she isn't the one. maybe its just that my desire for finding a wife and having a children is stronger than anything else, stronger for instance than my desire to hang out with someone just for fun. And the worst part is that lately I started thinking that I wanted to kind of save myself for the woman that I will totally love and worship. Again, this is crazy thinking. there are still a few things sexually that I want to do before I settle down. I want to do it with like two three four girls at the same time. and more than once. I want to be in a few massive orgies with tons of hot girls. And also with some fat girls too. that would be tons of fun. I've never done that. and I think I should probably do this stuff before I get married I would think. Yes definitely. Maybe I should head to Amsterdam from here and go off a bit. Get it out of my system. 

I went out last night with these other two girls. Students from school. One is from England and one is from Ukraine. And it was so much fun. I really enjoy hanging with the Ukraine girl because we are just totally different. Different cultures. And I'm old enough to remember life during the cold war times so I feel so lucky that we can hang out now, whereas before we could not. She is very stylish. And she teaches me a lot about Russia and the Ukraine. She speaks no English. Our communication is in Italian. Things are not totally cool there yet. she cannot travel to America yet because she is young and she is a girl and they are very afraid to let people travel to America because they think they will stay there and never come back home. So they aren't as free as they want to be yet. But they are on their way. its really quite beautiful.  

I love learning other languages. I feel like it really helps tear down the separation that exists between us all as humans. We are all so similar. I feel more and more connected the more languages I learn. And the more I learn about the different countries and cultures of the world. When I get back to the states I will re-enter life as a gringo in Miami [the word gringo actually means “foreigner” --- usually refers to the white man—the invading white people who conquered the America’s---so this is funny that in Miami we are referred to as “gringos.” But it is the just the nature of what the city has turned into now. and really that is kind of a beautiful thing. I mean, that's America—the penultimate melting pot.] I will take some more classes in Spanish at a local school to really nail it when I return. its not fair of me to live there and still speak Spanish so poorly. Some people complain about Miami and how everyone speaks Spanish there now. they think that English should be the official language of the United States. I think this is truly a hilarious concept. Imagine the ignorance of this. America was “discovered” (conquered really) by an Italian (who spoke Italian not English) who was sponsored by the Spanish (who spoke Spanish of course), not the English. And the country is made up of people from all over the world---think Little Haiti, China Town, Little Italy, Little Havana. I don't like this idea of America having an official language... if we’re really going to try to force an official language on America then let it be the official language that was already here for thousands of years before we conquered it---the various native American languages. I will learn French next. I Next summer I will do the whole live in France thing just like I did here. Although I have heard from everyone here that they aren't so nice over there. especially not to Americans. They don't care if we are trying to speak their language or not. But we shall see. I do pretty well. after that, i will have french down enough hopefully to be able to travel through northern Africa and be able to communicate with them and get by. This will enable me to be able to study the music and culture of the north western countries of Mali and Ghana. This is a music I am very passionate about. After that I will have the Latin languages studied and then I would like to move into an Asian one.... I think that would be really awesome. Their culture is so different. I think we have a lot to learn from them. china is the next big thing. in our lifetime we will see it I believe. So Chinese it will probably be. 

[when I see old people all hunched over I wonder what the hell happened to them? did they see it coming? Did they notice it as it started? Could exercise have helped? Chiropractic? Massage? Martial arts? Stretching? How can we stop this? I don't want this to happen to me. I do not want to get old.]

O.k. so today in class the conversation for some reason led to talking about Bush and the Iraq thing and the power outages in America this weekend. I just listened. There are ten different countries represented in my class and they all had the same opinion. They were against the invasion of Iraq by America. They are against Bush, and they think we need to follow the UN like everyone else is supposed to. I listened and tried to understand as much as I could what everyone was saying. they all compared notes as to how many American military bases each of their countries had. Italy has the most. Which is funny because they are the most “America resistant” next to the French and then Germany. Here in Italy you see anti-America graffiti everywhere. In every city. things like “Bush is a pig” to “No more support the Americans” to “No war” etc.... this is really an amazing thing when you think about it. how quickly that technology has unified humanity all over the world.

The war is for oil 

No more service or support of the Americans

Make love, don't make war, we want peace, for the whole world

I wondered as I rode through the streets if people back home had any idea how bad the world sentiment had become against us in America. you think we had it bad before, when the rest of the world was just jealous of us and everything that we have over there. now they actually have a reason for their hostility. We’re giving them ammunition....

At first it is a shock. Now I am used to it. the conversation in class was an hour and half long. Many of the people spoke about how appreciative they are that America helped their country when they needed it. Italy and Germany spoke about world war two and how we helped them out after the war and gave them lots of money and helped them convert to democracy. But our teacher who is Italian stated that that was the past and today is the present and maybe America isn't the same as it was fifty years ago. and they should start looking at the present day America. I just continued to listen. Then they started saying that maybe all their countries should stop supporting America if we keep doing whatever we want to. and that they should tell us to move our military bases out of their countries. This is not even funny. This is the mentality now over here. after what? A year? Two years?   

There was a moment I swear to God when I started thinking about throwing down right then and there. I was thinking I was going to have start kicking some foreign ass if they went too far. all this anti-American talk was getting me mad, a kind of very primitive anger swelled up within me....I had this image in my mind of me standing on the desk with a pen in one hand stabbing people and swinging my backpack in another until everyone was down for the count. I started to feel this very macho sense of American pride and desire to protect us and our good name. But this was just a fantasy. I didn't hurt anyone. Haha. But I would have. I don't like Bush and his administration. This is true. But I love America more than anything else in this world except my family. And my music. and then God. Yeah. Family first, then my music, and then God. And then America. That’s the pecking order. I hope God understands that...

When it was my time to speak I thanked everyone there for sharing. And then I offered our appreciation on behalf of everyone who was an activist against the invasion of Iraq in America. I told them that we noticed the unity and the support that all the countries showed all over the world against the invaders in our own White House. I told them it was sad in America right now because we are divided. And truly we don't know what the right answer is. it is hard to really know what is going on and what the right thing to do is. so we watch and listen and try to go about our daily lives as normal. 

They asked me if there was still a strong sense of patriotism in America after what Bush did. I replied that perhaps now it is more than ever. That we are an extremely proud people. Proud of our government and we would lie down and die for our country at any minute if we had to. All of us. Even if we couldn’t go to the battlefield, we would do whatever task we were capable of to defend our beloved constitution. I explained that the more you study the system of our government the more you respect it and appreciate it. And that we believe it is the best system in the world. That we are so free and so liberated and we are all so equal there. We are all so appreciative of this. That o.k. regardless of Bush, we still have a very strong sense of honor in us about being Americans. 

I'll tell you, this guy has done more in a year or two to screw up our reputation, its just amazing. We had come so far. We will have a lot of clean up to do in the international scene after he is gone.

Today I was hanging with some street vendors. They sell everything on the street. Umbrellas, towels, scarves, hats, sunglasses, purses, and a hell of a lot of soda and water etc. and they are all black guys. I hung with this guy for like half an hour trying on sunglasses. And at the end he was like all smiles, “thank you so much” he's telling me in bad Italian. all these guys come from Africa. I was so interested in what their deal was and who they are and what they do here that I started talking to them and asking them. they don't speak English except for a few words and they barely speak Italian. so he’s like “you are so nice. such nice person. you treat me nice. thank you. why? the Italians don't like black people.” and  I said, “really? You think?” And he's like “NO, they don't like us coming here and living here and working here.” I said, “well I'm an American, not Italian. In America black and white are equals. We’re the same. You know Michael Jordan?” and I air-dribbled. And his face lit up. And he mentioned a bunch of famous boxers like mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield, and then I mentioned Tiger woods, and then he mentioned Michael Jackson and then I mentioned bill Cosby and we went on and on. And it was great because this guy is from fucking Senegal but he knows all the famous black people from the states. But there's like so few famous blacks from Europe. I walked away thinking how lucky we are. I don't think its over. I mean I think we have a ways to go still till we really get to a place of equality, but I think we’re ahead of the game. We’re getting there. I think now our heart is in the right place as a people in america. 

Roma is a beautiful city at night. we walked all over the city. she talked. I listened and didn't understand a thing she said. Then I talked and she would try to understand me. Good times. Romantic. We ate a lot of great food. Drank good wine. The thing I don't like about the Italian girls is that they all smoke cigarettes and hash and drink everyday. Slightly different than American or English girls. Two or three beers or glasses of wine per day. for me its just too much to deal with. Those days are so far behind me that I find it difficult to deal with the mentality that follows these kinds of activities. It slows the person down too much and I'm too high strung for that. anyway she is really pretty and she is so sweet and easy going. Showed me so much of the city from a Roman’s perspective. I wanted to just grab her face and start kissing her but I didn't cause I'm not feeling this long term thing with her. So I don't want to.... Whatever. Sometimes its confusing to know what to do with girls. Do you always try to catch as many as you can? Or do you let them off the hook if you aren’t going to eat them? It’s a tough call. I always used to eat everyone I caught, and frankly I don't think it worked that well. So now I'm starting to get more picky. But now I feel as though now I can leave Italy. My time here is through. I think I have found what I was looking for. In a lot of ways I think I have found me. Sometimes the lessons are slightly bigger than the little desires we think we have.