Back in Miami. Recording today---trying to nail down the vocals for the song Caetano, not easy. Then rehearsal. Band sounds great. A total pleasure to be in the band right now. we sound better, more authentic than we ever have. Except that the band is in this crazy state of flux. With half the guys not knowing whether they are coming or going. don't get attached to the process; keep your eyes on the outcome. Not how you get there. 

Big dinner tonight at a Greek restaurant with a bunch of us from the music scene celebrating all the Libra birthdays. Really good time. Drinking and smashing plates on the floor.

You know what it is? There’s always going to be hot girls to dig into. I mean, there's just always going to be tons of hot girls out there. Its like you wake up and all of a sudden you realize that all these hot girls are not going to go away. They are always going to be there. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be with every one of them. It’s a conscious choice you’re making. Its like with bill Clinton. Just recently saw his biography. He had a choice when he got married. I mean who really knows what happened. But its like he made a choice but just never followed through with it. he got married but he just never stopped fooling around with other women. And this didn't necessarily stop him from achieving his career goals. But one can only imagine what his personal life is like, or that of his wife’s. Or his daughter’s for that matter. You see his life and the way that he was always with all these other girls all the time and you realize as a man why he was that way. I mean it’s a very natural way to be. But if you're married then you're not supposed to be that way. So the real mistake wasn't the constant philandering or womanizing. The real mistake was getting married in the first place. not knowing himself well enough to make the right decision. For himself or for those around him. 

Tobias Guess had said to me, “Spend some time asking yourself what real happiness is to you. What is in your heart of hearts? If your real happiness is being with a different woman every night, then go for it. You can do that. Especially in your profession young Fishy. You’ve already done it. So you should know if this is your true happiness or not.”

“No. I know what I want. I can feel it.”

“Well then just let yourself create it”

“But what if I mess up? I remember times with Cleopatra, and the way I would look at other women. I saw how it affected her. She hated it. I would get kind of obsessed. It wasn't fair. What if the monotony of the monogamy becomes too much? The monotony of the monogamy... I like that. I should write it down...”
”As well you should. But young Fishy, what if it does? You are going to let this stop you from getting close to any girl? Two and a half years and you have been living with a very cold heart. Like a stone. Afraid to get close to anyone for fear of hurting them, for fear of being hurt yourself. For fear of not doing the right thing in every moment.”

“Yes. I guess that's the point really. Just keep my distance until I know what the hell I'm doing...”

“It doesn’t sound to me like it would feel very good.”

“No it doesn’t. It feels like half of a life. It feels like I am only half living. I am not on fire with love like I have been in the past.”

“I would suggest you open your heart to the possibilities and see what happens. Give it a try. Perhaps you will meet HER.”

“Wow. You think so Tobias? Do you already know? c'mon man, you're from the future. Tell me. Is she out there? Do you see her?” I leaned up closer to him excitedly. 

“Do you see how your whole state has changed Fishy? This is the passion that can drive you to achieve your greatest dreams and visions. Your true heart. Go with this.”   

Last screening: finally finished I Claudius, the story of the Julian Claudian Roman Emperors. One walks away stunned by the atrocities and the indignity of these people in their quest to do anything to just get control of the seat of emperor. They were all rich already and literally could do anything they wanted to and could go anywhere in the world. But all they wanted was to become emperor. So they would all kill each other and their own family members--mothers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, husbands. There was no mercy. You also appreciate Claudius, the only other good emperor besides Augustus. He hated the monarchy his family headed and longed for the return of the republic. Its interesting watching it now, because we take the power and the importance of the Republic for granted, and scoff at the idea of a monarchy. But back then one was a visionary if he felt this way. 

Current Spin: Darkness, permission to land. These guys kick ass! Queen meets cheap trick meets the knack meets 80s metal....