God I just watched the most haunting thing.

What?

Remember when those terrorists from Chechnya took prisoner of all those people in that Russian theatre?

Yes it was awesome. 

Awesome you say?! You're taking cruelty to a new level Fishy! Are you a madman?!

Yes, perhaps, but they aren't terrorists. They're people just like you and me, trying to defend themselves against another country who has taken over their country and who has been stealing from them for hundreds of years. It's unfortunate what they did but maybe it was the only way... I don't know... fight fire with fire they say...

Well yeah they were interviewing all these Russians and they were saying the same thing actually. they say they hate them for killing their families, but they understand why they are doing it. it was really disturbing. 

Well how else are they going to get their country back?

But don't you see that its that attitude that you have that causes the violence to continue on and on? They interviewed the Russian women and they were saying they couldn’t believe that these were actually Chechen women doing this to them and killing all these people. Its just sad. 

Well that's what I mean. They accomplished what they wanted to. they brought awareness to their cause. That's what they were trying to do. so it worked. It sucks and its sad, but it worked. I'm playing devil’s advocate here a little, but c'mon, what if some big country did that to us here in America? we’d be doing the same thing till we got control of our country back. we’d do whatever it takes...

Yea but now the Russian people hate the Chechen people even more. and now they're just going to retaliate.  

Well that's because they don't get it yet and they are stupid barbarians. 

You're nice man. Real nice...

Well its true. More and more people will die. But I bet you that now there's a few more Russian people that will wake up to what's going on there. dude when that first happened I was just as horrified as everyone else, so I sat down with a big tall cup of coffee and researched it. I started studying the history of Chechnya and the Russian invasion in the encyclopedias and two hours later I understood what was going on. Its just that the media is forced to lie to us, not just in Russia but here too. The truth is there, you just have to look it up in the encyclopedia, so I'm not saying it’s a total cover up, but you're not going to hear the truth on the news. I don't know what America has to gain from covering it up but its just total imperialist bullshit. They call these people terrorists and “rebels” on the news and in the papers. They're not rebels. They're people just like you and me trying to defend themselves form invaders just like we would if it happened here.

But how can you justify them going in there and killing all those people in the theatre? 

Well how do you expect them to get their country back? Think about it. Russia went in there a hundred and eighty years ago and took over their whole country. They killed hundreds of thousands of them, just because they wanted thier country’s natural resources for themselves. They wouldn’t even let them practice their religion anymore. They banned their religious practices man. Its just total bullshit. 

Yea that's what the Chechen women were saying in the interviews. 

So you see? it worked. The Chechen women were on TV for the first time in how long? Maybe forever. 

And what was amazing is that there were so many women, not a lot of men.

That's because most of the men in the whole country have been killed. Russia is just going to wipe them all out. And so all that's left is women and young kids. And so they are getting together and trying to do whatever they can to get their country back to seek revenge for their dead sons and husbands.

It was really sad. These women with bombs strapped around themselves like modern day terrorists.

But they're not terrorists. They're mothers and sisters and daughters just trying to defend themselves. All their sons and husbands have been killed! It is truly fucking insane that we let this shit still happen still in the world!

But they attacked a bunch of innocent civilians in a theatre!

Well yea! But that doesn’t make them terrorists. Their freedom fighters man. So does that make the men who went into Chechnya and killed thousands of their people terrorists? 

Well those were probably military men. From the Russian army.

Dude you see how brainwashed we are? Just because the governments change all these words around. Almost the entire Chechen army has been killed so they don't have an army anymore. That is their army. That is their military. These women and children are their army now! think about it! Their fighting to try to keep their heritage before its too late. For their culture and for their religious freedom. They're no different than any other country when they are trying to protect themselves against invaders. If Russia wants it to end Russia knows what to do. They can remove themselves politely from Chechnya, and start paying them huge sums of money to help them rebuild their war torn and ravaged country. The same we are doing to the Native Americans now. We give them money every year because we know what we did and now we’re trying to pay them back.

Like it’ll ever be enough.

Well we know it won't. But its start. And you gotta hand it to us for trying.

You're such an idealist. You always think that people are going to be civilized. Humans aren't civilized like that Fishy... 

Well we should start to be. Or else its going to stay this way. I'm sorry but I don't believe that other countries should invade other countries by force and take things that they want just because they don't have it themselves. If they want something that Chechnya has, then they should negotiate with Chechnya. They should trade with them. But they shouldn’t just try to take over their country. That's not being an idealist. That's being a realist. Its about fucking time that people started telling it like it is around the world. And that's what these Chechens were trying to do. Raise awareness to their cause. They said “well if the world won't come to us, if they won't come to our rescue, then we will go to them!” And so they did. A year later and you just watched it on HBO sitting in your living room in America. That is truly fucking amazing. So you know what? It fucking worked. They pulled it off. And yes, it totally fucking sucks that innocent Russians had to die. But it doesn’t compare to the millions and millions of innocent Chechens who have died in the last two hundred years...

The Tree casts a smaller shadow

The Tree came to visit. He is so completely different than how he used to be. his speech is slurred now. it is amazing what drugs/medication will do to a person. they slowly rob a person of their most basic potential. The thing is that the Tree really believes that he has severe depression and those kinds of disorders and he also really believes that only through heavy medication can he battle it. so he just stays severely medicated all the time, twenty-four hours a day. And he is deathly afraid of coming off of it. so he’ll just fall asleep right in the middle of the day. He stutters when he speaks. He shakes now uncontrollably. You can see his hand shaking when he goes to pick something up. His body is just so completely polluted. His brain so completely altered. All in the name of trying to ward off this depression that he is terrified of. As if it isn't him. As if it is something that is outside of him. Something he has no control over. And the modern medical system, God bless them, they really believe this themselves, so they pump this belief into people. even though they have no way of actually testing for depression, they diagnose people with it. they tell the person “you are chemically depressed.” And man that's it. That’s like the fucking death knell for someone. When they hear this from a doctor. And the doctors don't really even have a way to test for it a lot of the time. they just make this prognosis based on the symptoms the person is experiencing. I went through it for years as a teenager. And man I just couldn’t believe how random and sporadic the treatment was. And don't even get me started on therapists or psychiatrists. It was a fucking joke. And so for me, I treated myself and I was one of the lucky ones. They labeled me everything under the sun. Depressive, bi-polar, anxiety disorder, panic attack disorder, etc... Had me on everything. Call it whatever you like, but I just willed myself well. I just decided I was going to be normal. Its like I just woke up out of a dream. That's what it feels like when you shift reality like that; it doesn’t happen overnight. It took time. But its us who creates our reality, and its us who can shape it and shift it and discreate it if we so desire. And its in the action of really going for it. Doing whatever it takes. Taking action. Trying new things. Refusing to believe what anyone else says around you. And not being afraid. Believing in yourself more than anything or anyone else. But enough about me. Poor Tree. What to do. I don't know. last night in the theatre. I am watching him. his body covered in popcorn as he lets it fall on himself as he eats and watches the movie. And I look at him and I wonder, man where did the old Tree go? One of my oldest dearest friends. And I am thinking, ‘well I am glad that he is still alive. And if this is where he's at now, I just have to accept it. I am just glad that he is still here.’ I sat in that theatre and watched the film but the whole time simultaneously pondering solutions to this dilemma. How to make things better for him. How to shake him back to his old self. How to give him his power back. He is such an angry person that he explodes into these rages every now and then and then he quickly corrects himself. He is very frightened of his anger. So it just sits and brews in him year after year. He has not schooled himself in any of the newer forms of human development or improvement or healing modalities. Just the real old school stuff like psychiatry and therapy. So he doesn’t realize that he should let his anger out; that it won't hurt him or anyone else; unless of course he wants it to; exaggerate it to the outer most limits and it will discreate. So he keeps it half in and half out. And so he experiences a life with no sense of personal power. Trapped by his own fears of himself and what he may or may not do. And so he is depressed. And he medicates so strongly all throughout the days and the nights that he can’t sleep at night and he can’t stay awake during the day. he is a shadow of his former self. It is not as if he isn't the same super cool super nice guy; because he is. but he is letting himself disappear. And it is sad. And one doesn’t know what to do to help. In these matters it is good to pray. In these matters, one has no choice but to believe in God.   

Last screening: Kill Bill by Tarentino. O.k. boring, drawn out, predictable Tarentino dialogue which was unfortunate. But very innovative stylistically. Real boldness in the cinematography. A real ride. A work of art. Good music throughout.