Played the Citylink music fest tonight. processed with Little Tree last night on the phone. What a show. Wow. Really good. Still have a tough time talking in between songs. I mean, here I am ten years into it and I'm still not barely half in reality what I have always envisioned in my mind when I close my eyes. But I think we’re getting there. I would really like to get to that point where Rufus is so naturally, where I can just sit down and talk and really be myself. Jim Camacho is that way. he is just so open and honest and real up on stage. I need to let go more. but what a great show. We had this whole bar almost mesmerized there for a bit. People were rushing us afterwards asking us where we were from as if we were from out of town. It was very nice. zeke played. Jim played. Rhett played. Humbert played. Mindy is looking hot. She lost weight and you just want to grab her and kiss her and do her. What a love fest it is. You see everyone you haven't seen all year.

Ferret had dental surgery I found out. I'm like “dude I didn't know. I would have come right over.” He's like ‘No dude I'm fine. Don't worry about it.” and I'm like “no dude. I didn't mean that. I mean, what did they give you for pain bro?” he's like “you dick.” So we scored a whole bottle of vics. We each took one and then went out and he was just wasted. And he's like high fiving me now saying “Dude now I know why you guys are so crazy for it. No wonder you write songs about it!” he was just insane out there in the public high on vics and vodka, saying whatever popped into his head to anyone. So we’re back in the crystal palace again. For the time being.

o.k, one thing is that even though you may or may not believe in God, sometimes its important to just get down on your knees and pray. Just heard from a friend that his wife left him and their child. And he is a Christian. And so i told him I will pray for him. and I mean that with all my heart. Tonight I will pray my heart out for him and for the whole situation. I think God is just one of those things that you believe in even though you don't believe in. Kind of like extraterrestrials or reincarnation. I mean, in the end, who really knows, but we have the belief anyway. and me, i just believe that God is a very personal thing. and so depending on who you’re hanging out with, the God is going to vary accordingly. A lot of people I know disagree with that because they really believe that God is just one form, one idea, namely the idea they were raised with or the one they currently subscribe to. and its hard for them to step out of that because they feel like if they do then they are somehow sinning. But I don't believe that anymore. If I'm with my Jewish friends then I'm going to worship the Jewish God with them and uphold the Jewish customs. and if I'm  hanging with my Indian friends then I'm going to be praying to Krishna and Shiva and Ganesh. I mean if you're hanging with a bunch of witches then you're going to be dancing around a fire naked worshipping the goddess. You're not going to be on your knees praying to the catholic god. And vice versa. I'm not going to light a fire in my moms catholic church next time I'm home for the holidays and dance around naked with the priests; no matter how much they’d probably like it.

One more thing. it is really hard to resist when you like a girl but maybe you just don't think she is the one, so you kind of have an idea that it isn't going to last that long. that's not easy, holding back like that. You just want to be with her anyway. but I think that's having discipline. Building character. Not sure yet. Either that, or its just being a tight ass and you should just do whatever you want to in the moment. Still haven't quite figured it out.

Last screening: shocking video from all over the world. This is on HBO right now, and it truly is shocking. 

Current Spin: Pulp’s greatest hits. Man what happened to them? Their last CD just sucked. I really expected more. [see, there, I just did it again. I just totally ripped on another artist. no thought for them. just let it rip. That's what I mean. We do it all the time. its no big deal. Its nothing personal. I mean, I don't know them personally, i just relayed how much I hate their last CD. and so that's my point. If you're going to sing man, you just gotta fucking sing and not worry about what the people are saying. Just hope you have more fans that love you than jealous critics that's all. But that one guy in fort Lauderhell, which is a city we have just never been able to crack, even when we lived there, sort of, close to it, broward at least, we never were able to crack it, we were always a Miami band. That's just the way it is there with bands like ours. but this critic from fort Lauderdale saying at the end of his ranting and raving about how awful our new CD is saying he was hoping for a quick overdose for the singer...” I mean that is kind of personal is it not? I mean, imagine if I did fucking overdose one day, not that that would be a bad way to go, because chances are that’s probably not a bad way to go at all, depending on what your overdosing on of course. But still, my poor mom. I hope she never reads that. [I don't know what it was, but something about the bad reviews really opened me up. just made me feel really good. and happy. almost like a welcome to the club type of vibe. Like o.k. now I'm in. Its not all kiss ass generic good reviews that don't really tell you anything now. I mean, this is some passionate hatred these guys have for us. I mean, some of these guys just fucking hate me and its kind of inspiring in a weird way.]