The new song will be called ‘Last stand at the walls of Zion.’ I think. But it is one of the prettiest sweetest most beautiful sexiest songs I have ever had the privilege of working on. I am so in love with it. Don’t want to mess up the lyrics. So I'm not writing any of them. Just letting them one by one and line by line flow out of my mouth. Just play the song over and over as if I am transcribing it or translating an ancient text found deep within my subconscious. 

I don't know what exactly is happening to me. it is a metamorphosis of some kind. Always working on these few very specific primaries. Every day. little by little. Just continuing to let go of any beliefs I feel or thoughts or ideas that I don't prefer. Some really old stuff. And slowly what I feel is that “it is o.k. to be me.”  or really more like, “its amazing to be me.” that kind of sensation. It is a wonderful feeling. All of a sudden not being afraid anymore or worrying anymore or comparing anymore, but more like just really happy about who I am and where I am. It is a state of being I have always waited to experience. 

And about the girls, I see so many beautiful girls all the time, my head just darts all over the place looking at them. and I just want to talk to them all and be with them all. but like I said, I'm not in that place anymore where I have this interest in faking things, so you kind of know from looking at them or talking to them for a few minutes what's up. it’s a crazy thing, and prob the main thing I still feel hung up a little bit about. because I am already in this “I'm looking for the one” stage. Just very easily and quickly passing girls up if they don't “fit the criteria for the long term.” Which I’ll tell you is really too bad because I really would like to enjoy some good old fashion gratuitous sex right about now. and my heart s very lonely for that connection. But the prob is my heart just won't let me fake even like a two minute conversation with girls anymore. So unless you can just get away with saying to a girl, o.k. look lets not talk, but whadoyou say we just take the next half hour and have mad passionate sex no strings attached ok? And the thing of it is that there are plenty of girls that are like that. but man for some reason I just can’t even do that anymore. They actually turn me off. IT makes me feel like  am compromising myself or something. IT is fucking tragic. Its like I am fighting within myself. Like a schitzofuckingphraenic. Crazy. I said I would write about Saturday night’s party and I'll just say this: I just can’t fake it anymore. I can’t even last a round for five minutes trying to talk to a girl if she isn't the one. I don't have a problem talking to a girl just me to her, like friends, but when you're in that girl/guy thing when she's flirting and coming on real strong and I'm supposed to be flirting and all that, man I don't know but I just lost that over the summer in Italy---I know it was building up for a long time to that---and I just can’t get it back, so I'm not bagging babes now, even though I am really horny. That hasn’t changed. But I just can’t do it anymore. 

This better be leading up to some really amazing fucking spiritual thing like you know pretty soon I start flying or being able to teleport or something like NEO because this is a serious sacrifice I'm making here I would say.