Met with a guitarist today to sit and have a few pints and talk about the band. Good night. we drank and drank and shared stories till the wee small hours of the morning. things weird with me moving to NYC. Not sure what the fuck is supposed to happen. if there is such a thing as “something supposed to happen.” [o.k. so that's just me trying to be cool... you know I like to play the cynical card every now and then, but don't believe it for a second. The ambassador is alive and well. and by all means its all supposed to happen. unless of course it isn't... and that's where it gets a bit tricky. But it wouldn’t be much fun if it weren't a bit tricky...]

But it is strange to have so little of a band left and yet so many options for a band. Sometimes it seems like the band has ten members. Other times it seems like its just me and Father Bloopy. So what the hell am I thinking moving to New York? Well some things I do know. We know we are touring the east coast in April. Sony France called today. asked if we would be interested in releasing the sleep with you album in Europe and if it does well then heading over there to do some shows. said it would really go over well in their market, more than here. they’ve been seeing breasts over there for centuries so sleep won't be considered controversial like it is here. Here its ... well... say no more... same sex marriage is still considered controversial over here for some weird reason...  I liked what bill Maher said last week. “Please.... its happening and there's nothing you can do to stop it. so get bored with it already.” i mean obviously there's something happening to us. as a species of people. we weren't always so gay. Everyone and their brother is coming out of the closet. Literally. People are just flying out of the woodwork announcing “guess what? I'm gay and I'm going to marry my best friend Chad!” its crazy. everyone has a brother or a sister, or at least a cousin who is gay now. it used to be so taboo. You called someone gay and they were insulted. Now you call someone gay and they're like, “You really think so?!”

Sometimes I think its just a passing fad. Sometimes I think it may be more of a subtle evolutionary process at play that we aren't aware of yet—something about protecting the world from over-population---if you believe in the whole ‘over-population thing—which I don't know if I do or not yet...  and it could also be for helping to care for the children left behind. Gay couples are a lot more prone to adoption, so that's a good thing for orphans from all over the world...so there's two good things to come out of it. Another way I see it being an evolutionary process at play is in that it is helping us balance ourselves as a people. Bridging the gap between the sexes. Man becoming more like woman and women becoming more like men. I know that fundamentalists in any religion are going to have a field day with that theory. They hate the idea of that. but I like it. I think that kind of assimilation will be good for us. lets face it, people who are too masculine or too feminine are pretty fucked up usually. A good balance between the two is what we all need.
But don't go talking about evolution to the slower amongst us. They hate the word. While the rest of humanity understands the importance of our evolvement as a species, there are still many among us who don't even want the word mentioned in schools... they don't even realize that we are a species... you mention “evolution of our species” to them and you can see them getting ready to hit you over the head with their club as they let out a few grunts... that's what the dark ages was all about. Frightened people trying to stop our evolution [in the name of God of course...] that's what were seeing right now before our eyes with the whole same sex marriage debate. Its exciting. Slower people among us unable to see the bigger picture. They're trying to play God. Trying to stop our evolution. Its too much for them. it goes against everything they were brainwashed into believing. Let us hope that enough of us have evolved now to be strong enough not allow the world to succumb to another age of darkness.

Studying billionaires now. Someone once told me that there were only two ways to become rich: be born rich and inherit your money (as is the case of five of the top ten billionaires in the world today—all of them Waltons—from Wal-Mart), or “marry rich.” Well since I wasn't lucky enough to be afforded the first, and too proud to allow myself the second, I will choose the third method that my friend was too short sighted to even bother to mention: good old fashioned roll up your sleeves work until you get it right elbow grease. Seems simple enough. Take one idea. Bet all you got on it, and go for it. if it doesn’t work, start over again from scratch if you have to. Work day and night and don't chase more than one rabbit or you won't catch either. From that one idea, if you have a moderate amount of success, use other peoples money to expand the idea into what we call a franchise. From there its all downhill. Just keep expanding the empire.

Tonight I was speaking to God. I was picturing and feeling this feminine image and energy. But I have been so brainwashed into thinking of “God” as a man. For a moment I almost felt weird about it... like maybe I wasn't doing it right... perhaps it was just an angel or something I was seeing.... but I heard this voice in my head. “Its o.k. to think of me as female Fishy. I'm both. and neither. and you know that. So go ahead and picture me however you want to. Don’t let anything stop you from communicating with me. Now more than ever.