God?Now it is true that most nights I fall asleep smiling. Just really happy and excited about everything going on around us now. I am not sure really what it is, but something just feels different in me. or outside of me. I can taste something entirely different going on. In the old days I could never talk to major label A&R reps without being really nervous. I would be too scared. Too worried about what they thought or whatever. in fact because of what they did to a lot of the artists I grew up loving I actually had this kind of love hate thing with them, didn't even want to get near them or talk to them. but now things have changed so much. I talk to them now without hesitation. They call, ask about the band, ask to hear the new album or one of the older ones or whatever. and I'm just talking to them. telling it like it is. being myself, laughing. Vida calls me today to tell me that marshal from Columbia “passed.” Which actually translates to one of his interns listened to the first ten seconds of the first song on whatever CD they had and didn't like it. You can tell when that is going on because you don't really get a real response. Just something like “pass.” Or it could mean that they just got done reading about linkin park’s last CD selling 9 million units and since you don't sound like linkin park that morning they don't like it because they need to “SIGN THE NEXT LINKIN PARK NOW!!!!” [it could also mean that we just totally suck and they don't have the heart to tell us, which is actually kind of nice of them.... so you gotta respect that.] [that rep at Atlantic who told me she was desperately looking to sign the next evanescence even though she did not actually like evanescence. Who DO you like then? I ask her. I like James Taylor sooooo sooooo much, she tells me. Well then why don't you look for the next James Taylor then? I ask her.... well evanescence sold 12 million records.... she replies to me. It makes me smile when I think of it because its just such a backwards way of doing business, to follow the dollars and not your heart. it goes against everything that a good business person knows. She lost her job. Go figure.]
Yes Fishy.
I need more money. To make my next album.
So do I. The Bush campaign just raised 182,000,000 dollars. That's going to be tough to beat.
You're funny. So you're a democrat?
Well I am God after all.
Oh yeah. Sorry.
Anything else Fishy? Oprah is on the other line.
O.k. yeah, real quick. How can I get more money?
Its not about the money Fishy. Its about your vision. How many times do you have to relearn that? spend more time on your vision and less time worrying about your imagined lack of money. Do you have to be poor again to realize how much money you actually have now? I can arrange that.
Oh God no. pardon that. I mean, no. definitely not.
The money will always be there. People aren't born with a vision without the means to fulfill it. yes?
O.k. yes. sorry. Just checking. I'm seriously going to try. thanks.
It's just so different than the old days when A&R reps used to be real music people. I'm sure most of them are still. the prob is that all the companies they work for now have been bought so many times by these super huge giant foreign companies that they aren't really little record labels anymore. So everyone is just running around like a chicken worrying about whether they are going to keep their job or not. it’s a slaughter lately. And that sucks because we need them. They’re our link to the biz. Without them then great music cannot really get to the people in a mainstream way.
Anyway, the point I was making is that now when I hear that Marshall didn't dig the new album, [o.k. actually that's not true. Marshal did eventually get back to our manager and it turns out that he did like it a lot, and said he was a fan of Fishy and the band but that he just didn't hear it as being commercial enough and that what he enjoys personally is different than what he has to sign for Columbia. He also said that artists shouldn’t pander to major record labels and that Fishy should just keep doing what he does and he is sure that his fanbase and his success will continue to grow. I couldn’t agree more. I respected the shit out of the man after I heard that because he was just telling like it is.] anyway where were we, yes, so rather than it bothering me or taking it personally, I find myself thinking, oh that's too bad... Marshall won't be the one who takes us to the mainstream on this one. too bad because he seems like a cool guy. it would be cool to work with him. maybe next time. o.k. so who’s next on the list? And in the meantime we are recording and playing like madmen regardless. Doing our thing and not worrying about it. You know, its just a totally different mentality.
I remember over Christmas reading this interview with Chris Martin (coldplay) where he said he just lives in a constant state of fear that any minute its all going to end and come crumbling down around him and everyone is going to start hating his music.... I thought that was funny. I was rolling around laughing. Because I have seriously spent almost my entire career as a singer/songwriter where it did seem like everyone hates my music and I just kept making it anyway because I liked it myself. So I don't have that worry at all. I always just assume everyone hates my music... LOL. I think my constant state of fear days are behind me now. Now I just focus on getting the albums recorded. Every day and every night I just think about the current album or the next album we are recording. I feel like I have been given something very precious to protect. Like a little baby or something. and its my job to protect it and take care of it and nurture it. That's how it feels. Weird. Just get the album recorded. Like a painter who just has to paint. Like Coppolla working on apocalypse now. just get it done. Doesn’t matter what anyone says. Doesn’t matter how much it is costing. Doesn’t matter how it is affecting your health or anything. Doesn’t matter that we just released an album three months ago and have another one coming out in two months. Doesn’t matter that “this isn't the way you're supposed to do it” or that “maybe you should wait for a larger label to do this like everyone else...”
I don't even think about any of that anymore. I just stay totally focused on creating my next work. Just keep recording man. Just keep it going. Keep getting what is INSIDE to the OUTSIDE. Do not get lazy. Do not listen to what other people are saying. do not worry about sales. Do not think about other bands or other artists. Do not think about doing other things with your life. do not think about relationships right now. do not think about clubs or parties or happy hours or girls or friends or anything. Do not worry about the major labels. Do not worry about the cost or the debt or the end of the road. Don't think about going out or TV or anything. Just get your work out there.
If you do not do it now, then when will you do it? that's the question that haunts me. when? If not now then when? Later? When is later? Exactly. DO IT NOW. so no, its not that I am anymore prolific than anyone else. plenty of writers write all the time; I think that it is more that I am just completely madly insanely obsessively focused on getting the songs recorded before I die so I don't feel like I've wasted my life. Achieving something totally awesome in the musical vein, something I can enjoy forever for myself. if I wasn't getting off on it so much I wouldn’t be doing it. I could be a millionaire ten times over if I WASN'T a singer/songwriter/musician. I know that's funny. Ferret doesn’t think its funny. He thinks its twisted and sad and pathetic.
Dying Van Gogh
For me the biggest fear of them all would be never getting the songs recorded. That would be the worst thing for me that could happen. Half the guys in the band are freaking, “why should we start recording a new album NOW!? we just finished one.” But I'm like ‘look, if you have time to watch that TV show that you are so brilliant at quoting every word of, then we have time to record.’ and I know this sounds totally off the wall, but I'm to the point now where I think even if I have to have three ‘transcendence's’ to play with because one group of guys can’t keep up with how much I want to get done, then I will. I'm peaking now. this may never happen again. i just wish we were making more money so I could pay them more. but inside I feel that even that is not something I can think about either. I just have to stay focused on getting the music recorded.
Good play title: ‘Dying Van Gogh.’ I think that's what it is. It’s a race against ‘Dying Van Gogh.’ The work never getting the attention that it deserves, or one day will, and because of that, not getting the money that it needs and therefore never having the means with which to do as much of it as you could if you did have the means or resources. You can imagine how much more Van Gogh would have painted if he would have had the attention, money, or access to resources as Picasso had. Or any number of artists who struggled. So I fight that like a disease. Never seeing your complete vision fulfilled is a disease. The worst one of them all. and lack of resources makes it hard to make it happen. but I have never let that stop me and I never will. with or without a “major” label. If I have to bankrupt myself creating my albums on small independent labels then I will do it. and then if have to borrow money from every person I know to create the next one then I will do that. and then if I have to wander from country to country looking for benefactors to create the ones after that then I will do that. however I have to do it. I look at it this way. when I'm 35, or 40, or 50 years old, what is going to make me happier as a man? Being rich because I sold out, got a real job, and stopped spending every cent I had on being an artist, or having recorded and released a bunch of really groovy albums that I love?
Fishy goes to heaven
Being an atheist, I have a strong belief in God. So lets say in fifty years I die. And I'm up at the pearly gates and I'm sitting there facing God and he's sitting at his desk, you know, surfing the net or whatever, and lets say I sold out and just gave in and started focusing more on survival and making money at a normal job and dropped the music... I can see it now. God finishes his bid on eBay and turns to face me, “You stupid pathetic piece of shit Fishy!” “God you don't have to be so rude. What, did you get outbid in the last second or something? what were you buying anyway?” “I gave you a gift. I gave you a vision. a totally unique vision. And all your life you felt that vision and what did you do? Give it up to make money! now you pull up here in that fancy white rolls Royce and that's all you have to show for yourself after everything I gave you?! a fancy car with a trunk full of cash!” “Well fucking Christ God, pardon my French, but I was hungry. I was tired of being poor. And let me tell you that fancy Rolls Royce cost a lot of money. I had to work hard to buy that. Cut me some slack.” “But you didn't work for the right reasons Fishy. You worked to make money?! You are pathetic. You think this is it? You think you're going to roll in here and relax in the eternal kingdom of heaven with the rest of us?” “I tried God. I tried for years. Lets face it. it just didn't work. I had to stop. It was just too much. Too much struggling.” “Too much struggling?! You call that too much struggling? You wake up everyday for seventy years with a new song in your head and you don't even have to work at it. Songs just fly out of the mouth of me and into that idiotic little brain of yours and you call that too much struggling?! Well, we’ll see about that. I'm sending you back. And you're going to do it again. And this time its going to be even harder... I'm not going to write the songs for you this time. You're going to have to write them yourself” I wake up screaming, “no no no. no God. don't send me back. don't send me back.... I promise I'll try harder...”
Fishy goes to heaven, part 2
O.k. so lets say that I just keep at it. Just keep going along the way I've been going along. Money or no money, success or success, and lets say that by the time I've died I've written a few thousand songs and completed twenty albums or so. Money or no money. Just did whatever I had to do to make it happen. God turns around from his computer screen. “Amazon.com. don't you love it? I just ordered those conversations with God books. I can’t believe that people believed that crazy old coot was having conversations with me.” “Actually God they aren't that bad of a read.” “Fiction Fishy. They were all fiction.” “Yeah I figured.... So this is it huh? I'm dead. This is death. This doesn’t seem so bad....” “Doesn’t seem so bad? Look at you, you crazy kid. C’mere you.” God stands up and walks around his desk and gives me a big hug. “You fucking did it kid. You really did it. I never gave you a break. Not once. But you just kept in there plugging away at it. I'm proud of you. You want a cigar?” God snaps his fingers and poof! A cigar. Hands it to me and lights it for me. “Wow that's good. Is that a Cuban?” “All we smoke around here kid.” “Well you know God. It wasn't easy. I mean, you could’ve thrown me a bone or two you know.” “Oh that would have been too easy kid. You know what? I'll tell you a secret. Now that you're dead and all. You never had a chance down there.” “No?” “Nah. The humans love their Britney spears and their Pink and all that. And that's fine. Let them have it. But your albums are a huge hit up here. Just huge. You're a real phenomenon up here in heaven.” “I am?” “Oh yeah. The angels love you. Up here you’ll find millions of fans. We've been listening to you since your very first album. Although I have to say you threw us all a little with that sleep with you CD. Even for the die-hards that was a little much to swallow. You and that naked girl on the cover and all.... But we forgave you. Never stopped believing in you kid.”
“Well gosh. That makes me feel so much better. At least someone was listening...” “oh we were listening alright. Just couldn’t tell you while you were down there what was up. That’s all. But I tried sometimes. You know the lyrics to Do you know who you are?” He starts singing... “Maybe you're in heaven. Maybe you're an angel...” “That was you? Wow. I never thought about it that way... oh my God that is so cool!” “You know what Fishy? I thought so myself. It was Tres cool. Love that song by the way. catchy as hell that one.” “gosh I'm so glad you think so. Me too. I always liked it myself.” “So hey kid, welcome home. You know what?” “What?” “You can have anything you want. Name it and its yours. You did it. You really did it. You never stopped and you stayed true to your vision. Gotta hand it to you kid. A lot of weaker men have succumbed but you never did...” “Hey who needs money when you can write a good song right?” “Oh you are something Fishy. Really something. I'm proud of you. So what do you want? You want to fly? Or become invisible? Do you want to take a peek in the cheerleader’s locker room?” “You have cheerleaders here? Oh my God this is heaven!” “Name it kid and its yours.”
“Well God, I'll tell you, I just feel good being up here, hanging out with you. I always had this idea that maybe you existed and all, but I just never saw any proof of it, so I thought maybe it was just wishful thinking. So seeing you, and I have to say you are one fine dresser. I mean, you really look good.” “Thanks my boy. That means a lot coming from you Fishy. I'm a big fan kid. a big fan. So what’ll it be?” “Well now that you mention it, whaddaya got to eat up here? I am kind of hungry.” “Are you kidding me? what have we got up here? We have everything! Great wine. Great cheeses from all over the universe. Beautiful women...” “Beautiful women? Now that does sound good. But I am kind of hungry still. Lets eat first... if that's o.k. with you...” “Whatever you want my boy. Whatever you want.” “I'd love a peanut butter and jelly sandwich actually.” “you know what? I'll walk with you to the kitchen and we’ll get Audrey Hepburn to dress up in one of her fancy little dresses and make us some peanut butter sandwiches. I'm sure Elvis will be there if he smells peanut butter. He’ll come running.” “Elvis is here? oh that's so cool. you know I love Audrey Hepburn.” “Of course I know that. like I said kid, anything you want.” “God?” “yes son?” “Do you like Jay Z?” “Like him? I loved him. He's here too. Now there's a man who loves the ladies.” He winks at me. Me and God start walking down this long hallway filled with light... God starts singing some Jay Z. and throwing his hands in the air... “If you got problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and the bitch aint one...” “I could sure get used to this God.” “Please do kid. You sure earned it.”
Now for a little Internet fun...
This was interesting to read:
> >
> >TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS
> >
> > Question 1:
> > If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
> >three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and
> >she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
> > Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.
> >
> > Question 2:
> >
> > It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
> >Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.
> >
> >
> > Candidate A -
> >
> > Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
> > He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
> >martinis a day.
> >
> >
> > Candidate B -
> >
> > He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, smokes like a chimney, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening!
> >
> > Candidate C -
> >
> > He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,
> >drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
> >
> > Which of these candidates would be your Choice?
> >
> > Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.
> > Candidate A: is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
> > Candidate B: is Winston Churchill.
> > Candidate C: is Adolph Hitler.
> >
> >
> > And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said
> >yes, you just killed Beethoven.
> >
> > Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging
> >someone.
> >
> > Never be afraid to try something new.
> >
> > Remember:
> > Amateurs built the Ark
> > Professionals built the Titanic
> >
> >
> >
> > and in case you never saw this one..! ....
> >
> > Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than
> >500 employees and has the following statistics:
> >
> > * 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
> > * 7 have been arrested for fraud
> > * 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
> > * 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
> > * 3 have done time for assault
> > * 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
> > * 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
> > * 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
> > * 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
> > * 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
> >
> > Can you guess which organization this is?
> > It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group > >of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to > >keep the rest of us in line.
Current Spin: the grey album. Will stay in my stereo forever. This one is solid GOLD.
Last screening: Bad Boys 2. O.k. this is the funniest movie EVER. I met Will and Martin down here during the filming because they were using la Princesa’s house as the police captains pad in the movie. There's a little trivia that I bet you didn't know. take a good hard look at all those paintings in his living room in the film and then look at the inside of the cover of sleep with you album... uh huh, you know it.
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