Turn on the TV and you see something that says ‘the NASDAQ 100 open...’ just assume its some special show on new stock IPOs  or something.... turns out its actually tennis. But it doesn’t say it’s tennis. It says NASDAQ. What the fuck happened in this country? we can’t even call tennis tennis anymore? we used to hear the term “the selling of America” a lot some time ago. we don't hear it anymore now because I guess everyone just assumes its already been sold. I have been studying economics for months now like crazy. Zeke actually got me into it. great singer songwriter but also a serious economics savant. He and his wife are selling their home to get their earned equity out now and moving into something much smaller and less money and just going to sit on cash and gold. While the rest of America is going crazy buying homes that they can’t afford or borrowing up to their asses beyond the actual value of their over-inflated homes because interest rates have been unnaturally forced down, some very wise and cautious people across the country are doing the opposite: selling, getting out of debt, stocking up on cash, and purchasing gold.

Now I know what you're thinking. crazy conspiracy theorist types. Totally out of hand. well I would have to agree except that all the people that I know who are doing this are like the smartest most up to date and knowledgeable people I know. zeke explains to me a bunch of things I don't really understand about the government printing phony money and how they are selling our dollars by the billions to China in return for treasury bonds in order to keep us from going into a total catastrophe etc... so for the last two months I have been savagely researching economics. I know. Not fun. Not my cup of tea at all. Never was. But once and for all I felt I needed to know what the fuck was going on. [Fyi: go here: www.investyourself.com and here: http://www.dailyreckoning.com/  and here: http://www.2000wave.com/gateway.htm] don't say I didn't warn you. tough stuff to read. disheartening and frightening. It turns out that its true. "2003 debt of $37 trillion was 437% of national income; the debt ratio in 1957 was 186%. If 2003 debt had been at the 1957 ratio said debt would have been $15.5 trillion, not $37 trillion - indicating excess debt in America today of $21 trillion. Stated differently, in 1957 there was $1.86 in debt for each dollar of national income, but in 2002 there was $4.14 of debt for each dollar of national income." We are currently spending 4 times more than we are earning. The only way we've managed to stay afloat is by selling our dollars to China. China owns almost more of America than America owns of America at this point.

A few years ago I put in this CD of Tony Robbins interviewing this very famous money manager and financial consultant—I don't remember his name, maybe Nesbit, but cannot be sure. This was in 2000. the interview was in 1999. he talked for two full hours about how to make money and about the coming echo generation and the baby boomers retiring and all this other stuff...and how to make money in the next few years. He then told Tony on this CD that 2004/5 would be the beginning of the worst depression in America history. Period. He explained how it would go down and why. this was the year 2000. so I told myself that I didn't have to worry about it then and I would think about it later. It scared the shit out of me. Because as I was listening to the tape about a year after he gave the interview, I listened to how he correctly predicted the stock market crashes of 2000 and then 2001. he was dead on. Now of course after the last few months of studying I am seeing everything he said would happen, happen right before our eyes. 

I just saw on TV that in a month or so over a million people are scheduled to lose their unemployment benefits here. For them, that's it. See ya later. Gas prices are at all time highs. Gold is on the way up. Interest rates at all time lows so no one is making money on their money and real estate is so over inflated that only a fool would buy right now but everyone is buying at ridiculous prices just because they think they can... because interest rates are low. Most are getting ARMS, adjustable rate loans, not realizing that when their loan adjusts it will go up to interest rates so high that they then won't be able to afford to pay their monthly mortgage. Most are not bothering to notice that the cost of goods is going up. manufacturing costs are going up, and jobs are disappearing as fast as Britney spears will soon be selling us panty hose and laundry detergents on network TV commercials... well you get the picture. Its exactly as he described it would be in this interview. For one last desperate attempt for comfort I gathered together all of my Robert kiyosoki cds—the author of the rich dad, poor dad series. Guess what? Four years ago when he recorded these educational CDs he said the same thing about 2004 and 2005. Pointed to the same indicators and predicted the same things we are seeing right before our eyes.

O.k. so what does any of this mean? God don't ask me. I have no idea. I don't even know how seriously to take any of it. people are always screaming the sky is falling. So who knows. maybe one day it will fall. Or maybe it already has and we just don't know it yet.
But for me on a very personal level it means that I need to decide what the fuck I am doing with my life. I spend every cent I make and more on my music and my art. I have no savings and live completely debt ridden in order to produce more and more art. Yes I am on a mission. I have been on this mission since I was a little boy. But what kind of mission keeps you broke your whole life?

Maddie believed in the mission and supported me for years. Queenie didn't like it too much but still supported me for years. she begged me incessantly to ‘grow up and get a real job’ but she loved me and put up with it anyway. for a while. Cleopatra admired it and was deeply passionate about it and supported me, helped me build it and grow it. And soon I was successful and we became rich. I couldn’t have done it without her. I will never be grateful enough for her. I would still be homeless and showering at the beach at sunrise if it were not for Cleo. But after some time she grew tired of my unquenchable thirst to produce more and more and the ensuing propensity for spending beyond ones means that this hunger to create more and more art produces in a man. Now that I am single again... I sometimes doubt if I have it within me to put things in the right perspective... to understand the basic priorities of living. That food and shelter and clothing should come before recording new albums or touring or making videos... but I can’t seem to help myself. I am an art addict. My creative urge is much stronger than my survival instinct it seems.

I remember seeing the life story of Wagner many years ago. it is a boring movie for the most part unless you are a die hard fan of his work. But you see him for sixty some odd years travel from country to country always poor, always struggling, always borrowing from kings and princes and various benefactors in order that he could continue to produce his next opera, his next vision... always wandering.... looking for more money. That night in the dark in our bed I whispered to Cleopatra, “I don't want my life to be like that...” “Then it won't be. You don't have to create that Fishy.” “I know.” “You can become very successful with your art if you want to.” “Thank you. I hope you are right. but... but what if it never happens? what if I am never successful enough and always struggling like Wagner and wandering around from country to country borrowing money?” “I don't think you have a choice. I don't think you will ever be happy if you aren't creating. I'm afraid of that and it breaks my heart.” “Me too.”

“I wish that I were enough for you.” “You are.” “No, I'm not. And you know that. I wish that our lives together and just living a good life were enough for you, but they're not.” “I'm sorry. I love you more than anything you know.” “I know you do. but you love your music more. and that's o.k. that's one of the reasons why I love you.” “thanks for saying that. that's one of the reasons why I love me too. but its also one of the reasons why I hate me too.”

Cleo turned to face me. “don't ever say that.” “But its true. sometimes I wish that I weren't an artist. and that I just worked a normal job and made tons of money and I could buy you dresses and rings and cars. I am sick of being poor.” “I don't need rings and cars Fishy. Don't ever hate yourself because of your music. you’ve been given a very special gift Fishy. I wouldn’t be with you if I didn't believe that. believe me. don't let your lack of material success over-shadow the success you are achieving everyday with your songs. your new songs that you are writing. that is success. Don't forget that. how dare you start feeling sorry for yourself Fishy.” I had just written most of the songs that would go on the acoustic in New York album. Paris, and the greatest gift, and bored. she was right. and in that moment I looked at her like she was an angel. That was the turning point. Something shifted in me. very soon after I recorded the rise and shine album and it was filled with all of that joy and excitement that I felt in that moment when she opened my eyes that night. the rest as they say is history. Rise and shine gave us success and money. from that point on I stopped feeling sorry for my lack of success and felt great joy and gratitude for what I did. I will never forget that.

Current Spin: the grey album still. I love Jay Z.