Good morning dear Juliet...
With your little magic wand and your dancing around the room...

Ah yes the original song/universal lullaby... during the making of the nothing is cohesive album (the newest one about to be released) I felt as though I was in it, inside of it, during the whole writing and recording of that one. I hope that others hear it as well. That's why I sent some of those rough mixes to you. because I was so happy!!! nothing is cohesive is so far the most musical album I have ever made/been a part of. Created entirely from/with a/the love of music. no real reason to make it except for that. we were in love with what we were doing in that moment, in love with music. and with each other.

I sent you a sort of compilation of songs from the last three albums, just some of my favs. With a funny synopsis of each song in the letter. Don't know if I labeled the CD itself, but songs like softening were just FLOWS through me. me just sitting there LOST IN THE FLOW of it. and IF YOUR BABY COULD, ALL THIS IS BEGINNING TO FEEL LIKE AN ENDING, VERONICA was another, (this song is about to be released nationally as a single--scary) just FLOW, feels like ME AND GOD/GODDESS SECRETLY WORKING TOGETHER WITH BIG SMILES ON OUR FACES. Juliet  that's what it feels like!!! When you're in that flow state and a new song is peeking its head out of the womb in your mind. Your heart beats faster and blushes, mind starts racing, I get giddy like a little kid, running around the house, looking for a tape recorder or a guitar or running to the piano, jumping up and screaming 'holy shit holy shit! Do you hear that fucking new song?! Oh my God! oh my God!'

You get lost for a while in it. and then when I come out of it, maybe upon waking the next day, go back and play the song and ... wow, that really is nice isn't it... its almost like being drunk or something. gone into another world. When songwriting is flow, that's what it feels like.

Perhaps according to your ancient folklore, all songs come from this one ‘original song,’ the ‘universal lullaby...’ [wow goose-bumps] and that's what we are trying to do when we are writing songs, one after the other, trying to capture a piece of that one original song that we remember from when we were in the womb ourselves... you know that's what it feels like in a way. That’s a nice idea. Trying to get/stay closer to God/Spirit.

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Last opera of the season tonight. Turandot, Puccini’s unfinished last great one. Jazz was late—I was of course incensed. Explaining to her that I almost always go alone. Maybe once a year I will bring a date. “You just sit here by yourself in these two seats?” “For years. Yes. It’s the only place I can get a really good sleep these days.” we laugh, but I explain that Its just a very sacred thing to me. Better to go alone than to bring someone who isn't going to increase the pleasure of it, or worse, not understand the sacredness of it, or appreciate it. There's like one in ten million people who can sing opera. Probably a lot fewer than that. so its just an amazing thing to behold. Few people can understand it. So I spend some time screaming like a madman. She had never seen this side of me before. “you're crazy. this is why I will never be in a relationship with you.” “I didn't ask you to be in relationship with me! I asked you to go to a fucking opera! Is someone dead?!” “No. why?” “Well then how the fuck can you be late?!” She says I am frightening her. I tell her that it is just the nature of the artist; don't be frightened. Artists scream. That's what we do. I haven't performed in a few weeks. I get like this if I don't perform for a while. Need to let it out of my system, or I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself. She promises to speak French the whole time to make up for it. Drunk on Champaign, chocolate, and Puccini. The Nessun Dorma was pretty bad. The guy just didn't have it going on. Although it was nice to see it finally in its proper setting. Never had heard it live before.

The whole evening made my heart long to meet a girl with the grace and presence of mind to understand that it is as uncivilized to arrive late to an opera as it is to show up on-time to anything else. Where the hell are you my angel, my queen, my princess, my light? I am tired of waiting. When we meet I am going to bow down at your feet and worship you for an eternity like you’ve never been worshiped. I am going to compose great symphonies in your honor and sing you songs of love and joy and devotion and make you laugh like crazy till we are both resting in our graves. “Principesa, come to me Principesa....”

[taming the animal: there was this moment when we were getting seated... some people were sitting in my seats. Because I sit in the same seats every year I was very rude, short, and snippy about the whole thing (is snippy a word?). I didn't even care to listen to the intruder’s explanations or bother to look at their tickets that they were trying to show me. I was actually on my phone and just demanded that they move so we could sit down... they finally did figure out what was going on and realized that they were indeed in the wrong seats. So they moved. But about five minutes later I just had this overwhelming feeling of what a bastard I was. So I leaned over and apologized to them. “You know I was just so terribly rude. I am very sorry. Pardon me.” it made all the difference in the world. And I am sure we all enjoyed the ensuing performance that much more because I acknowledged that and spoke up, rather than continuing to defend my bad behavior in my own mind. Its like sometimes you just have to accept that as humans we can be dogs and just totally misbehave. We have to get used to the idea of correcting ourselves just like we would our pets or children. I don't think all of us are like that. I know some people who were just born with good manners and grace. Unfortunately I was not one of them. sometimes when I am in line at a store or restaurant and just want what I want when I want it and I have found that I was short and impatient with the people who helped me, I walk myself all the way back to the store, even if it’s a long walk, and go say thank you with a big smile. Its like training a dog is what it feels like. I'm like, “Fishy, turn the hell around you animal and go say thank you to those people....”]

Woke up this morning obsessively watching the three tenors live DVDs skipping to Pavarotti singing nessun dorma. He really does do it fantastically. I mean, its not a myth or anything. He owns the song now. Breathtaking everytime. I study the sheet music in front me and listen and watch him sing. I rewind over and over again, listening, reading, studying. I have been trying to capture this song for two years now. Michael Bolton does it now, and actually does a very impressive version. But luciano takes it all the way home like no other. Just nails it. 

Had the realization that men DO HAVE a biological clock. Perhaps science hasn’t yet discovered it yet. [remember that it wasn't until the 1980’s that they started realizing that men also go through a sort of menopausal state (they call it a midlife crisis). I believe that men also feel some kind of hormonal pull in their system as they get older like the infamous biological clock that is spoken about with women. Talking to jazz the other night about what it feels like... this shift inside from being the happy go lucky artist who is content to live in complete poverty and squalor just so you can keep creating, to slowly feeling a shift over the years towards an almost near obsessive desire for empire building, safety, and security for myself and my family. One minute you are quite happy to be the lone adventurer eagerly throwing your arms around the entire world, and in the next you find yourself longing to find the ONE and begin pro-creating and making a family. For years all I cared about was the next song, the next novel, the next diary passage, the next screenplay, the next album... and now I notice that these involuntary life-long obsessions are accompanied by a very strong impulse to question “how will this make me money?” when you are a young artist you just never even think about things like that. as you get older, you cannot help it. has to be hormonal in some way.