A few things. Saw the play “A Picasso” tonight. With jazz. We kissed. Ten little kisses in a row in the rain in an empty parking lot. Good times. Play was average. Understand why it is playing in Miami. Wouldn’t play anywhere else in the country. Very sophomoric. Trite, predictable. Felt as if we were watching a college student’s first attempt at writing a play. I could write this shit in my fucking sleep I am thinking as I nod off during the dull performance. French restaurant, amazing lamb chops. The best ever. The worst crème Brule ever. Returned it. Owner walks around whistling at all of his employees. And shouts across the room to everyone. Very French. Classic.

More and more lately starting to appreciate the pro-life stance. Bas I talk about it. Ran into Tucker Carlson, the annoying guy from Crossfire with the bowtie, the other day in Boston. He told me it was only a matter of time before I was a conservative. We laughed. Although I don't agree with him, I am starting to understand the whole anti-abortion thing. As he says, it is murder and there is just no two ways about it. It’s a game of hide and go seek we play. Lets pretend there's nothing living under there. We throw the cat in the bag and we tell ourselves ‘I don't see a cat. What cat?’ and then we shoot at the bag until the cat stops jumping around. ‘Seriously, I never saw a cat, did you? It was just a bag that jumped a lot.’ As long as we don't see the cat, then its o.k. Bas says, ‘I hate to break from the liberal side even for a moment, but lets be fair here, its legalized murder. By twelve weeks they have a heart beat, a brain, and even finger nails.’ ‘I know dude. It’s a tough call. I don't know what to do.’ ‘I think they should just have them unless their life is endangered, or in the case of rape or something. but in all other cases, they should have the baby. Its nine months. That's all. if they don't want the baby, they can give it up for adoption. Its not like there aren't hundreds, even thousands of parents out there ready and waiting to adopt a child.’ ‘I would have to agree with you bro. I don't think we have any choice at this point. I understand the dilemma, who wants to be told what to do with their body, but at the same time, what are we going to do? keep trying to pretend there's not a living breathing person under there? just because we can’t see them with the naked eye? Its crazy.’ ‘Yep. Its crazy.’

The cats. Standing by the open door. Cats coming in. Cats can’t decide if they want to go out. a little drunk. for a moment there, I went into their minds. A brief moment. Felt what it felt like from their perspective. A flashback to my youth. I have felt this before. when I was younger I  had this ability to feel what the cats felt. To see things from the cat perspective. The Avatar tools enable us to get back to that. to feel from different perspectives again. I forget sometimes that I have this ability.

Current screening: 81/2 by fellini. Still watching it. I watch a little every night. a few minutes and no more just before sleep. I don't want it to go away. like a fine pinot noir sitting in the glass on the table. To be savored, not devoured. this film is amazing isn't it. just amazing. this scene with him and all the women in his house and he with the whip. It is transcendent. A bold vision.

The play was not all lost time. The Picasso play did remind me. at times. that was the good part. The inspiration. To be all that I can be. to fully embrace all of me. all of my gifts and talent. To let it out. even if it is just a three minute sketch so to speak. Stop thinking of the commerciality of it. its fucking art for Gods sake. Its your fucking art. Picasso said ‘my paintings are my eyes and arms.’ I felt that. my music is my eyes and arms and ears and legs. It is my vehicle. the bastards of the industry try to squash that in us. try to force us to operate from a purely commercial viewpoint. It is a challenge everyday to ignore their money-grubbing practicality. I heard the new avril lavigne song today on the radio and it reminded me of everything I am not and everything I work hard never to be. this song will be a hit I thought. But I will never make a song like this. I will have hits on my own terms. In my own way. to have a hit is not the goal. To achieve sublime personal expression on your own terms as the artist. that is the goal. If one can somehow combine that with mass commercial appeal in a moment in time, then all the better. In one moment to have the two worlds collide. Now that would be something. a miracle. But one cannot be at the expense of the other. Think of Sheryl and her hit ‘if it makes you happy.’ I would be proud to have written that song. And that song was a hit. So it can happen. but for the most part her work has been shit ever since. so for me I have always been on the edge. Perhaps a bit too cautious for my own good. too experimental, too eager for eclecticism. But nonetheless, better than being commercial for no other reason than that as the ultimate goal.